I'm like...wondering what's to happen after A levels. It's very soon, I know, fewer than a hundred days until the end. Am I going to slack and rot my time away after that, or am I actually going to go exercise now that I have absolutely no excuse not to? Am I going to take up my parent's offer on plastic surgery or continue being so damn obstinate in scowling at the prospect? When am I going to continue my volunteering at SPCA and when can I start volunteering at Rainbow Centre? What sports am I going to take up this time? I've done Badminton, Basketball, Archery, Taekwondo, Muay Thai and a whole lot of other things. Maybe I'll go for Hip-Hop, or Yoga - things that are more girly - or I'll pick up yet another martial art, or tennis! I don't know.
Clearly, I'm in that kind of sleepy mood where my brain is absolutely not working. I'm ranting, very aimlessly. You know I saw this quote today, on my best friend Tumblr, and it's something like "All gossip carry an element of truth. The more protracted a gossip, the more real it becomes. It's rather like speculation in Economics, as more and more people speculate, they create a self-fulfilling prophecy." It makes me wonder, has there actually been a gossip in my life that has been completely untrue before? No. I can say for sure, no. Has there been gossips that started out as mere speculation but actually made things true? Yeah. And you know what? That's quite scary.
Come to think about it, how much control do people actually have over their own decisions? A lot of gossip I've been exposed to, not surprisingly for my age, revolves around couples and such. Gossip is not entirely true but like all other assertions, it comes about from some extent of legitimate evidence. So I have seen self-fulfilling prophecies more often than not. And some of these couples are actually so not compatible on the inside! They may look really compatible on the outside, but seriously, there is no compatibility on the inside.
Compatibility. What does one define as compatibility? I don't think it's absolute similarity. It will be pretty boring, at least for me, to live with a person that agrees with every single thing I say. No points of contention. No differing opinions. No contrasting values. Well, I certainly don't like myself, so I don't know why I would like such people. More importantly, I could just purchase some extra mirrors, you know. I don't understand it when people tell me they are compatible with another person because "Oh, we are so alike." Yeah, I'll give you about 2 weeks until you become absolutely bored because you know why? You are stagnating as a person.
That's what I was really worried about when my friend got together with this guy. They are practically the same people in bodies of different genders. Both have the same dry humour. Both are serious about things that just blow my mind. Like dude, both of you, it's a bloody joke. Do you not know what a joke is? Do you need a dictionary? Can you not try to impose your scientific explanations to topple my jokes - I know they aren't logical, that's why they are jokes! And then when you see those two people studying together, you know what it looks like? Two pieces of rock. Equally silent. Equally passive. Equally cold. Oh my gosh, what abomination have I created? So much for matchmaking.
People stagnate when they get together with people too alike. But compared to conflict, I'm not sure which is better. You obviously go for the middle ground, but I'm just talking about the extremes.
"Like attracts like", that theory from the polarity of molecules. I think this idea is repulsive to me because it's really bad for both people involved. I mean, I do believe that I'm not stupid enough to choose a person exactly my replica because I get bored super easily. But in the case I do, I think I will be independent enough to find my own growth beyond that person. Then there's the question - why the hell did I get together with this person in the first place? But more importantly, you aren't just stagnating yourself, you are chaining that person down too. Well maybe I'm dealing with those traditionalists who would very much prefer to stagnate and rot in their own emotional immaturity for the rest of eternity, then by all means, go ahead. I do believe though that even though it may seem quite selfish to pursue self-growth, I think that growth learnt from relationships like these can help a person in improving the world. It's emotional growth, after all, a very humanitarian kind of growth.
"Opposites attract", or that theory we learnt in Primary School size with our fancy magnets. I think for people, opposites actually help each other grow much faster. However, this comes with the assumption that their contradictions do not drive them so far apart that they won't even come close.
Differences creates distance, yet at the same time, allows for maturation, growth and dynamism. Similarities stagnates a person, but it also brings harmony, peace and comfort. I do believe, then, that in a relationship, what works the best is to have similarities bring two people together and then to have differences to sustain them. In my case, I would mean similarity in terms of general goals. In MBTI-speak, that would refer to all NF types. The general goal is most likely the same, to aid those around us (but to differing extents of ambition and scope). In difference, then, I mean people who can make me question my own values so they do not stagnate and remain constantly adaptable to changing circumstances. It's not very difficult, I assume, since even if I meet an INFJ, the independence of INFJs as a "species" makes it such that each of us are drastically different as well. There are INFJs who strive to eradicate world poverty, those that want to save all animals, those that want to rule the world and then those who just want a happy and stable family. Difference is not difficult for us - similarity is what INFJs has difficulty in finding.
Anyway, I was talking about gossip and so how is this relevant? Come on, I'm an INFJ, not an INFP, I'm not going to rant until I reach the other end of the spectrum of conversation. There always exists links between even the most differentiated things because differences can only arise because of similarities.
I believe that gossip arise because a certain couple has displayed "like attracts like". In some ways, this makes the gossip legitimate to an extent, because there is a possibility of getting together. You see, if these two people are around each other enough for others to ship them, then there's certainly an attraction between them. Gossips don't come from nowhere, or else we would be shipping my ruler with a goddamn elephant.
In some ways, gossip also accelerates relationships, whether for good or bad. I've been involved in a gossip that ended up with a slow and easy friendship erupting in awkwardness. Yet, many times I've been confessed to, I already saw it coming. I don't even need INFJ intuition! Once you hear people gossiping, the relationship tenses up and one party, the one who has more emotional commitment, is going to end up having their feelings escalated. I've learnt, after the third time or so, that once gossips start coming up, that's the final point for me to back the hell off. Final point? Because beyond that, I'll just be sending wrong signals no matter what I do. Give some distance, allow the gossip to calm down, allow the person to calm down. But hey, if it reaches the point of confessions, this is probably the worst route to take.
INFJ intuition? Well, it's not very difficult to sense when someone does like you. I've said it before - I can tell, even when the person himself has not recognised it. I think I can explain using body language and cues, but I know that it's just a very artificial way of explaining what is intuitive. Sadly, like I've said before, intuition is highly unreliable. Whenever I understand things with my own intuition, I can't even trust it enough to say for certain that it's correct. I can only wait for the end result to come. But of course, spotting attractions is not difficult in most guys - those stereotypical ones at least. I'm used to dealing with guys who aren't very subtle about the things they do and are generally quite consistent and grounded in their personality and behaviours. Any deviation is easily spotted and analysed, along with the gender-similar signs of dilation of eyeballs and what I call "a specific twinkle in the eye". Maybe that's why I unnerve people when I look at them when talking, I focus a little bit too much on the eyes. One day, I'll be able to have silent conversations - one-sided, I know what the other person is saying, they don't know what I'm saying.
I hate it how intuition is so very unreliable. "What if it's wrong?" I don't frigging know. It's never been wrong in this kind of situations, for this kind of things, but hell, who knows, maybe this time it's wrong? No solid evidence, no proof and all I have is a shitty Ti who tries to prescribe logical explanations to my intuition. Back off, mate, you can't. Take out all the body language books you have, this isn't science or social science, it's pure intuition. I'm just as unhappy about it. How am I supposed to make a decision on anything when nothing is confirmed? Troubles of a perfectionist INFJ - concrete, solid, sure before any final decision is made. Until then, it's just intuition.
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