I've already written extensively about this, so I won't do it again.
I'm reading these articles about the INFJ, in an attempt to reassure myself of the rightness of my decisions. Just because we are prophetic doesn't mean we trust our own prophecies, especially in this case where I'm trying to subvert one possible future with another. As an unhealthy INFJ, the doubt is further intensified. My plan is that this pain I'm inflicting will not last forever, because by way of predicting the person's reactions, it will change for the better soon. But what if I'm wrong?
Article 1: General INFJ Stuff
INFJs are among the rarest of the sixteen personality types, constituting only 1-3% of the general population. Unlike INTJs, in which males predominate, there is greater gender parity among INFJs, with nearly equal numbers of males and females.
It is difficult to broadly classify INFJs as either right-brained or left-brained since they utilise both sides of the brain with equal adeptness. INFJs are both creative and responsible, artistic and logical, spiritual and scientific, intuitive and analytic.
INFJs grow up feeling "different" from their peers. The more pronounced their Introversion and Intuition, the more estranged they are likely to feel. Young INFJs can also feel misunderstood by their elders, who can be quick to ignore or dismiss their precocious insights and observations. If given unsympathetic circumstances, INFJs may come to feel isolated or rejected rather early in life.
INFJs are "old souls". They grow up feeling far wiser than would be predicted by their chronological age. Some may experience themselves as wiser than their teachers or parents. They may take on the role of counselling and advising their friends and siblings, or even their adult family members, from an extraordinarily young age.
Having discovered the benefits of their Introverted Intuition (Ni) quite early in life, INFJs grow to trust its judgements and insights. Their Ni often works through dreams or premonitions that turn out to be startlingly prescient. While others may at first be sceptical of INFJ's powers of insight or foresight, many will come to see them as psychic or prophetic, or at least highly perceptive.
Because of their strong powers of intuition, many INFJs report feeling like aliens in the world. One INFJ describes her experience as almost a constant feeling of deja vu, since her Ni is constantly foreseeing the future before it unfolds. Other INFJs report feelings of disembodiment, as though their body is independently moving through space while they watch from without. The fact is that many INFJs experience the world and their bodies in radically different ways than other types. It is therefore not uncommon for INFJs or others to question their sanity.
INFJs see two people in everyone. They see the public persona, the outer shell, that everyone else sees. But they don't stop there. Their Se and Fe functions pick up subtle non-verbal cues which are then synthesised and interpreted by their Ni. This provides them with information about an individual's inner world that is completely missed by other types. Because of their keen perceptiveness, INFJs are rarely fooled by facades or fakery. They can readily see beyond appearances and apprehend an individual's deeper motives and intentions, including any underlying ego issues. In fact, INFJs can often see the truth about people more clearly than those people can see it in themselves. It is no wonder that many INFJs can make a decent living by hanging a "Psychic" sign on their front door.
Growing out of their distrust of first-blush appearances, INFJs are reluctant to trust majority opinion. They are often the last to read a bestseller, feeling that if everyone else (i.e., the majority of whom are prone to being fooled by appearances) thinks it is good, it probably is not worth their time. Like INTs, however, INFJs can be suckers for a good conspiracy theory, appealing to their sense that "most things are not what they seem".
A misconception about INFJs is that because they prefer Feeling, they are less likely to be interested in intellectual endeavours. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, some of the most intellectually-inclined people I know are INFJs. They rival and resemble INTs in their level of openness and hunger for new ideas and perspectives. In some regards, they may actually eclipse INTs with regard to intellectual openness, readily appreciating both science and literature, fiction and nonfiction, poetry and prose.
While INFJs are deeply theoretical, they are less impressed by theories built by a mere assemblage of facts of data. Rather than being "fact" oriented, INFJs concern themselves with forging new connections and reconciling opposites by way of their Intuition. They feel that everything is somehow connected to everything else, forming a cast and interconnected web. For INFJs, discovering truth involves getting a better handle on the nature of this connectedness and the holographic patterns of the universe. In fact, this happens to be one of the signature strengths of their Ni, which subconsciously processes and synthesises copious amounts of information, wraps it up in the form of a symbol of metaphor, and proceeds to upload into the INFJ's consciousness.
More than any other type, INFJs tend to feel that much of their intellectual work is being done for them, the product of which can feel like nothing less than a divinely bestowed gift. Consequently, INFJs do not feel the need to consult outside sources when it comes to discerning truth. Nor do they rely on a pre-existing method or framework as other types might. They trust their Ni to provide whatever information is necessary to understand a given problem or situation.
The inner world of INFJs in many ways resembles the outer world of ENFPs. It is playful, colourful, mischievous and daring. Because their Ni is dominant rather than auxiliary, INFJs tend to be more subversive in their ideation than ENFJs. Once they begin to develop their tertiary function (Ti), INFJs may become even more open-minded and subversive in their thinking.
INFJs often think by way of images. The visual nature of their minds is germane to their creativity, ingenuity and ability to generate and wield metaphors. While other types are thinking in words or concepts, INFJs understand through "seeing". Their Ni function as a proverbial bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind. And since the subconscious is filled with primitive images, INFJs swim in a sea of vivid images and imagery.
Despite their refined tastes, INFJs are typically not pretentious or excessively serious individuals. They regularly enjoy spending time with other people, listening to music and watching movies. Perhaps more than anything, INFJs love spending time engrossed in meaningful conversation. Because of their verbosity and enjoyment of others' company, they can easily be mistaken for Extroverts.
Many INFJs struggle with bouts of depression, which may relate to any number of things. They may, for instance, get depressed when they feel their creative inspiration has left them. Or, because of their otherworldliness, they may struggle with feeling deeply alone and misunderstood. Depression may also stem from feeling dissatisfied in their careers or relationship. They may dream of having a beautiful home adorned with beautiful things, but feel stuck in a low-paying job that they are reluctant to quit.
Article 2: 10 Things Every INFJ Wants You to Know
10: We are planners
As with many other Judging personality types, the INFJ enjoys structure and order. Though our intuition can cause our structure to fluctuate, we still strive best when we can plan out the details of our situations and lives. Sometimes, however, spontaneity can occur outside of our control. This deeply shakes us and we often respond to this loss of control with anger and frustration.
9: We are extremely intelligent
INFJs are introverted thinkers and extroverted feelers. Because of this, we can struggle to articulate our thoughts. While we may, in our minds, be able to answer deep meaningful questions, retain amazing amounts of data and debate with the best of them, when asked to speak aloud, we often fumble, stutter over our words and say a small fraction of what we are actually thinking. This lands us the labels of slow-witted and unintelligent.
However, when we are comfortable with a person and situation and are given plenty of time to ponder an inquiry or organise our thoughts into words, we can speak fluidly, clearly and passionately on almost any subject.
8: We only need one person
Because we are introverts, INFJs are completely content being with just one person, whether a partner, friend or family member. When we make friends, it is usually for the long haul and it takes a lot to destroy a relationship. Unlike extroverts or some other introverts, INFJs can spend the rest of our lives with only ever being close to one person and never feel as though we are missing out on other relationships. In fact, we actually prefer it.
When we have many relationships in our lives, we can become easily overwhelmed and feel as though we are not giving our best to each relationship, leading us to feel unhappy, exhausted and stretched thin.
7: Prolonged solitude kills us
While some introverts can be all by themselves for every second of the day and feel nothing but contentment, an INFJ needs to be around people. Though we still need time in solitude in order to recharge ourselves, too much time alone can leave us feeling drained, lonely and depressed. INFJs thrive on the emotions of others. We live for bettering others to better ourselves. We cannot do this if we are always by ourselves. When an INFJ does not have a close relationship, they can become depressed and feel empty.
6: We are perfectionists
INFJs are never happy with ourselves. No matter how much an INFJ has improved, there is always room to be better. Often times, we can struggle to revelling in our accomplishments since we continue to focus on where we have fallen short and how we could have done better. It can sometimes frustrate an INFJ to see others complacent with their current selves.
5: We loathe small talk
While many INFJs can practice and put on a good show, many of us struggle with social norms and routines, especially if we see little use for them. Since, as mentioned before, we find it difficult to put our thoughts into words, we can feel uncomfortable being in situations that cause us to interact in a spontaneous and shallow manner, such as meeting someone new.
INFJs spend most of our time thinking through deep and complex matters, therefore shallow and menial conversations of everyday life can confuse and frustrate us. Talks of the weather and local sports are exhausting for us. We would much rather ask for life stories, sincere problems which we can offer solutions and therapy session-like conversations. When we ask "how are you," we mean it on the deepest and sincerest possible level.
4: Our later means a lot to us
While every person can be pinpointed as a specific MBTI, INFJs tend to cling to our label as soon as we discover it. As we are the rarest personality type, making up an approximate 2% of the population, we spend most of our lives feeling lost and misunderstood. Once we learn that we are not alone and that there is an explanation as to why we have always felt different, we feel overjoyed and almost "normal".
3: We are very open-minded
INFJs have an amazing ability to think abstractly. In our minds, it is easy to see gray areas and blurred lines. While we tend to have strong principles and passions, an INFJ can usually see another person's point-of-view in any situation. Whenever there is a difference in opinion, INFJ is very driven to ask questions and seek information about the opposing side to understand the different perspective. This part of our personality leads to deep compassion and always giving other the benefit of the doubt.
2: We are warm-hearted
INFJs can outwardly appear cold. Because we tend to be very private and enjoy only opening up to our closest companions, others can see us as cold and detached. This is the furthest from the truth. INFJs are, in fact, extremely warm-hearted and open to everyone around us, but because we are socially inept, we can struggle with making others aware of this. Our compassion knows no limits and we are mostly selfless people. We hope that everyone can open up to us and know that we are there for them, however, we will probably not open up much to them by no fault of their own.
1: Our intuition is real
INFJs are known for being the most intuitive personality type. We "just know" a lot of information that we can never feely explain. Many sensing types and a few intuitive types cannot fully grasp our level of intuition and easily discredit our knowledge. Without any explanation as to why, we can feel the feelings of everyone around us as deeply as though they were our own.
Article 3: INFJ Relationships Part I
INFJ Emotional Strengths
- Because of their tendencies to think deeply and feel deeply, INFJs are usually good communicators and listeners. Sometimes they struggle with opening up, but once they do, they are able to articulate their feelings accurately and concisely.
- INFJs are most famous for being warm to others. They are reassuring and a desirable presence for anyone close to them.
- Sensitivity comes with the territory, which can be great when things are going smoothly.
- INFJs are not usually the kind to seek out short-term relationships. They want lasting, seriously relationships, which is generally considered a good thing.
- They take themselves and the people with whom they have relationships very seriously.
INFJ Emotional Weaknesses
- Whereas sensitivity can be good, it can also turn sour when times are tough. Being over-sensitive can cloud their otherwise sound judgement.
- Deeper thinkers have a tendency to withhold deep thoughts. They do not always expose themselves at the same level as their partners.
- Sensitivity also hurts them when it comes to conflict. They will resist conflict at the expense of smothering their true emotions. For example, they would rather weather the storm of jealousy than instigate a discussion on the subject.
- Sometimes they expect too much of their partners, which, naturally, can be exhausting and overbearing.
- Interestingly, INFJs can be well aware that a relationship is failing, yet unable to detach themselves.
Best and Worst Matches
While nothing is absolute, there is a general agreement that INFJs get along best with ENTPs and ENFPs. As you can tell just by looking at the letters involved, INFJs share intuition with both of these types, which math well because they do not share introverted tendencies (e.g. Ne where INFJ has Ni). They need a little extrovert to counter-balance themselves. For the record, however, INFJs and INTJs are also promising suitors.
When it comes to the worst matches, those personalities that combine extroversion with sensing, perceiving and judging qualities do not bode well for INFJs. The most infamously ill-suited personalities are ESTPs and ESFPs, as they mismatch INFJs in terms to being extroverted and sensing. ENTJs and ESTJs are also poor matches, mostly because of the combination of being extroverted and thinking.
And apparently being overly protective and intuitive at the same time can be confusing to others. I think that's exactly what I'm trying to take advantage of in this situation. I'm getting the feeling that I can be a little bit more specific in describing this situation from now on, because there is a change in the winds, but I'll have to confirm it a little more first.
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