1. To speed up the process towards realisation (anagnorisis), thus benefitting myself greatly, but the benefit to the person who I'm trying to care for is questionable.
2. To do absolutely nothing and allow fate to take its course. If the realisation comes on time, then, wonderful. If the realisation comes far too late, it doesn't increase the amount of pain I'm already in for this situation. If the realisation never comes, then, that's quite fortunate too.
3. To bury the truth under enough layers of deceit and pretence such that realisation will never be reached - preventing the possibly of seeing someone I care for being hurt.
I have once relinquished my control over a situation with me as the main character. I regret it, but what has happened has already happened. This time, I cannot say the same. I cannot afford to give up control over the situation, even if the one with the most control isn't me. It is not my well-being at risk, but someone who I care for immensely. I may hurt that person in the short-run, but I think, it'll be worth it in the end. By turning myself into the villain, I will bury this entire realisation under a sturdy facade.
As an INFJ, I seek to give in relationships and not take. But I have betrayed this conviction of mine. I have taken disproportionately more from this person than I have given. To a person like me, who believes in taking away the pain of others and bringing joy to them, I have done the exact opposite. I shared my pain and inflicted hurt, reducing happiness. If I continue like this, even if anagnorisis happens on time, it will benefit me far more than the person I want it to benefit. No, I cannot go for Option 1. If Option 1 is what fate decides will happen, then I won't argue. But right now, since I have decided to take things into my own hands, I will not go for that.
That is the crux of what I am doing. Conscious steps taken backwards. Shaky, uncertain, doubtful and painful steps, but I must remember what and for whom I'm doing this for. Distancing - to create instability in the other and compel that person to seek stability. Back away - to encourage the person to seek that stability in the opposite (opposite of back away - approach). Hostility and coldness - to further entrench them into those more capable hands.
How scary it is, now that I analyse this, the manipulation of an INFJ. How well I understand that person's reactions that I can use it to such effect. You see, these steps don't work on everyone:
1. Distancing - More active people, when feeling that someone is distancing away, will pursue and question, attempting to retain bonds that exist before. Passive people, on the other hand, will mirror the shrinking away and allow the person who is distancing to control the situation. Passive people will not pursue and will obediently seek for stability elsewhere.
2. Back Away - Similarly, when you back away and ignore active people, they will chase you down and demand for explanations. Passive people will lose heart and immediately turn towards what is stable and comforting. Thus, the result is a successful pushing away of the person into the hands of more capable people. What is beautiful about this is that a) the person seeking stability doesn't know that he/she is being manipulated into doing so, b) the people receiving him/her don't know they are being used either.
3. Hostility and coldness - Once again, active people cannot fall for this. They will get to the bottom of the situation and would eventually find out that it was just a facade. Passive people will be discouraged and sink themselves further into the hands of those capable people, entrenching themselves deeper in that comfort.
Once a person finds that comfort they are pushed to find, they will turn back and question why the hurt was being inflicted on them. That is when the pretence is extremely important. To pretend that it was a genuine intent to inflict pain would mutate the curiosity and worry into a feeling of betrayal and eventually hatred. Hatred of what is external often dies down into nonchalance, uncaring of that person who has inflicted pain.
By doing so, I will have destroyed any possibility of realisation by creating layers of emotions within that person to bury the clues towards anagnorisis. What a detailed plan, isn't it? It is also very, very painful to use.
I don't want to push away, but I have to. If I wait any longer, I may end up losing the ability to do this. Once that happens and anagnorisis doesn't happen on time, I am waiting for fate to decide the ending. I can't do that. Fate is a cruel thing, especially to me, and I'm not surprised if it decides to harm those I care for either. Maybe it will decide to show mercy for once, or even give me a favourable end, but I cannot hold faith in something like that.
It really hurts for me to do what I am doing and I can feel my own resolve fluctuating. The only thing that prevents me from breaking this time is because...I am looking far beyond the immediate.
I don't just not want to see you hurt right now. I don't want to ever see you hurt. If I can prevent it, any amount of pain I have to endure is worth it.
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