So like, I was trying to do Maths with a headache, a cough and a cold. I did get somewhere, but not very far. I finished it today in some library after school, but I still feel like murdering everything that moves the wrong way. I think INFJ is the type with the worst temper when tired...we usually have so many nerves under control that when they snap, it's like a nuclear explosion.
But you know, these posts are for me to rant about random things, so I shall, before I go on a full rambling about a whole range of things I'm pissed off at.
The Colour Black
It's not a colour? Shut up, I don't care. If it is one of the colours available in my colour pencil case, then it is a colour. Now, whether white is a colour is another story, because every kid that owns a colour pencil set knows that that one white colour pencil is useless and does absolutely nothing. The black colour pencil, on the other hand, used to be a good last resort thing when our pencils all disappeared.
Now, there are many definitions of the colour black and I also like it for various reasons. So, instead of listing things from my own brain, which will lead to a very incoherent and never-ending lump of information, I'd rather verify or discuss things I find online. Take, for example, this paragraph from a page about Personality Colours:
"Lovers of black have a need for power and control in order to protect their own emotional insecurities."
And since usually black is contrasted to white, I'll be criticising white in some of the cases:
"If white is your personality colour, your deepest need is for simplicity in your own life and to be independent and self-reliant so you do not need to depend on anyone else."
I do agree that black symbolises power and control, but taking in consideration the second part about protecting one's own emotional insecurities, I think I would phrase it more as "power and control over one's inner workings". A person with the personality colour black, to me, is someone who is resolute and confident in their own beliefs, standing unwavering under the pressure of others. Black is a persistent and persevering colour, refusing to be tainted - refusing to be swayed from their paths. They have a clear vision of what they want, how they want it and are the definition of determination and vision.
Then white, to me, is a very weak colour. Just imagine white and black being personified as two figures of those two colours. The white-coloured person, with every other person they rub shoulders against, they lose a bit of their original colour and become tainted. They lose sight of themselves, of their own beliefs and at the same time, are completely contented with it. This resonates well with how I view anime characters - I've always disliked characters who have no willpower and no strong identity. Even evil characters, crazy ones, are more attractive if they have a strong personality.
On the other hand, black, to me does not exactly represent stubbornness:
With everything I said about black being resolute, determined and never-changing, you may think that black represents people who are close-minded and self-serving. I would say otherwise, precisely because of the quote about. "It (Black) isn't a negation of colour...it contains the whole thing". I would think that the vision of someone whose personality is the colour black is all-encompassing and selfless.
The coloured person analogy again. A black-coloured person, after rubbing shoulders with other colours, will not change its original colour, but it doesn't mean that it repels other colours either. Black absorbs colour, all Physics students know this, and it is actually white that repels colour. So think of it this way - Black is when you meet people, you integrate their ideas, but you never lose track of your goals; White is when you meet people, you let their ideas influence who you are, and you lose track of yourself. Black, thus, on the outside, remains the same, but its composition changes. White, on the outside, mirrors the change, but on the inside, it's messed up.
Come to think of it, it's rather like INFP's mirroring of emotions, but absorbing none (White) and INFJ's absorbing of emotions, but not showing any (Black). Hey, no wonder I love black so much.
About Change
I'm obviously someone who believes that change is good. I think where we are currently at is fine, but not good enough. From the 4 years in NCC, with the kind of perfectionist legacy we have from our proud seniors, we have been taught that "that was okay, but we are not looking for just 'okay'. If you can do better, then do it." That's what I think of the world as well. It certainly isn't complete shit, and people are intrinsically good. I'm not just going to sit here and wait for some miracle to descend upon mankind from I-don't-know-were, I believe it as a moral duty to instigate the change that is needed.
I have posted it many times before - To passive accept evil is to perpetuate it - and I stand by that notion. Martyrs of the past, whether in your religious texts or something, or in history, were not people who sat by and stared like scarecrows until something happened. No, they stood up for their beliefs, in one way or another.
My excuse for being passive is a pathetic one - intuition. Although I know that my decisions will waver, as they always do, while I'm in this state, I want to remind myself that "What will be" when not backed up by evidence or not proven by circumstance, is the same as "What can be". It is merely speculation, until the moment it is proven right. So what I am doing right now is waiting - I am waiting for the world to change instead of changing things myself. I am impatient, so I need to learn that if I feel like it's time to leave, just leave. If the situation needs me to tend to it, it'll call me back, then I'll decide whether I want to go back. People don't move back, they move forward.
And so, when the song stops, you stop. You stop and you take your leave. Don't stand there and wait, thinking that the song will pick up again. Maybe it will, maybe it will not. Maybe your intuition tells you that it will, but until the moment that it does, you leave. You walk away from that place, go do whatever you have to do. If you happen to hear the song in the distance and decide to come back, great. If not, that's great too. Just keep walking. Standing around isn't going to do anything.
I know very well I should take whatever I have learnt here and leave. Don't ever turn back. But like that fool Orpheus, I cannot resist looking back - because something is telling me that I will regret walking away. Is that wisdom of my intuition? Or is it the folly of naivety? The line between the two is very fine, and I think it really depends on whether my intuition is right. If it is, then it is wisdom. If it is wrong, then I was naive, blind and foolish.
Indecisive? No, I think not. I think it's more that I have made my decision, it is rather like an INFJ to have a decision made deep within, but to keep options open and to constantly question that decision. My decision has never changed, even with the ever-compounding shit from every single aspect of my life. But I question myself so much that sometimes, I lose track of the decision. I've made my decision long before any feedback came in and my decision isn't about to change now. Call it the intrinsic stubbornness of an INFJ who has made up her mind. It doesn't change the fact, though, that I'm constantly questioning it and that creates a huge amount of stress.
MBTI and Cinnamon Rolls
Looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you: ENFP, INTP
Looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll: INFJ, INTJ, ISTJ
BITCH, TRY ME. I will kill you in your sleep with all the techniques inherited from my Chinese ancestors...or something like that. FIGHT ME.
Looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll: INFP, ISFP, ESFP
Looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you: ISTP, ENTJ, ESTJ
MOM, I'M SORRY.
The sinnamon rolls: ENTP, ESTP
Could kill you by feeding you too many cinnamon rolls: ENFJ, ESFJ, ISFJ
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MANY CINNAMON ROLLS.
What We Forget to Thank Each MBTI For
ENFP: Thank you for believing in us when we do not believe in ourselves.
INFP: Thank you for knowing the darkest parts of us and loving us anyway.
INTJ: Thank you for sharing your unique worldview with us, with patience and depth.
ENFJ: Thank you for helping us realise our own greatest strengths.
ENTP: Thank you for reminding us that there are a thousand ways of getting around any problem and that we are never, ever stuck.
ISFJ: Thank you for offering your huge, selfless heart to others without ever asking for anything in return.
ISTP: Thank you for intricately understanding how basically everything works, so that the rest of us do not have to.
ESFJ: Thank you for taking care of us during the times when we cannot take care of ourselves.
ISFP: Thank you for reminding us what a beautiful world we live in whenever we're at risk of forgetting it.
ESTP: Thank you for reminding us that so many risks are worth taking.
ESTJ: Thank you for protecting and sheltering the people you love.
INFJ: Thank you for helping us see what we need out of life and the future when we cannot see it ourselves.
ENTJ: Thank you for always pushing us to reach our full potential.
INTP: Thank you for remaining as open-minded and tolerant as you are intelligent.
ISTJ: Thank you for being somebody we can always rely on.
ESFP: Thank you for making life an adventure.
Sarcastic Functions Series (INTP, INTJ, INFJ, INFP, ENTP, ENTJ, ENFP, ENFJ)
INTP: Ti, Ne, Si, Fe
INTJ: Ni, Te, Fi, Se
INFJ: Ni, Fe, Ti, Se
INFP: Fi, Ne, Si, Te
ENTP: Ne, Ti, Fe, Si
ENTJ: Te, Ni, Se, Fi
ENFP: Ne, Fi, Te, Si
ENFJ: Fe, Ni, Se, Ti
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