I don't think I'm a particularly superstitious person. Superstition is defined as the belief in supernatural causality -- one event that causes another without natural processes linking them, such as astrology, religion, omens, witchcraft, prophecies, etc -- that contradicts natural science. I think that in that sense, I am probably one of the least superstitious persons around because even my inclination towards theism (the belief that at least one deity exists) is only a hypothesis derived from the failings of scientific assertions, i.e. the loopholes within the Big Bang Theory.
However, I think it is my inclination towards Psychology and its related fields that may make me seem like quite the superstitious person - mostly because I happen to enjoy entertaining these ideas. I'm not a very open-minded person, at least not by my definition. My definition of open-minded would be the ability to take in differing opinions with absolutely no resistance. I, on the other hand, rarely ever take in differing opinions if my own is already constructed. I will alter it accordingly, but I will never fully give up my stand, because I know I am a person who makes final decisions only after testing the hypothesis repeatedly.
Why am I talking about this? Well, I was reading this dream dictionary again and some people believe that, just like astrology, to put prescribe meaning into dreams is being superstitious. I believe in astrology, not the ridiculous Daily Horoscope on the phone, but actual birthcharts. I don't believe the day, time and location of your birth determines your fate/personality for the rest of eternity, but I do believe that it somewhat affects it. If you think from a scientific perspective, about the relationship between the development of the brain and external factors at birth, e.g. temperature, climate, etc, then it may make some sense.
Similarly, I do think that dream interpretations have quite a big element of truth. I feel the need to quantify it as "big" since I happened to state in a previous post that "all gossips possess an element of truth". Surely, the element of truth possessed by dream interpretations is greater than that of mere gossip - mostly unfounded kind of gossip.
Then I have a question...if dream interpretations are trustworthy and reliable for dreams that occur naturally, for a person like me, who has learned from a young age to lucid dream, are these interpretations still as relevant? Lucid dreaming, for those unaware, is a phenomenon in which a person is aware that they are dreaming within a dream. Most of the times, people rarely lucid dream because the realisation that "this is a dream" often jolts them back to consciousness. For me, I don't know what it is, but I've brought it one step further into becoming able to manipulate things within the dream. In other words, I'm not just aware that I am dreaming, I take advantage of it.
That obviously gives me power over a lot of people and occurrences within the dream but unlike what some other people may do with that power (You sick, sick people. This is why you don't get to lucid dream.), I often choose to only do slight manipulations and watch as situations unfold. I am also aware that when you lucid dream, your awareness lies in the subconscious of your dream self and your dream self continues to perform as they do. I discovered a lot about myself, even, from lucid dreaming - seeing myself from an outsider's perspective, if you will.
Well, that passive stance I take in lucid dreaming was discarded a few days ago. I've recently been actively trying to induce a dream in which I can destroy something from within my subconscious. It has become clear to me, with the amount of time it is taking me to get over the situation in real time, that perhaps, the solution lies in my unconscious. After all, logic and rationale lies within the conscious mind and those are very stable and resolute already - what needs fixing is my emotions and my unconscious feelings.
"Burning. In dreams, fire can represent a lot of things depending on the context. Fire can symbolise destruction, passion, desire, illumination, purification, transformation, enlightenment or anger. If you are not afraid of the fire and it is under control or contained in one area, then it is a symbol of your own internal fire and inner transformation. Something old is passing and something new is entering into your life. Your thoughts and views are changing."
This is the interpretation I am exploiting. In my dreams, sometimes I revisit memories of events that have passed. I can often call up these memories within my dream self, but to actually position my dream self into the actual memory is quite difficult. But I've managed it. I wanted to put myself into those memories on purpose and then burn everything down. Violent, I know, but in dreams, often the most violent acts represent cleansing and wiping away of what is not desired. I want to forget these memories, happy as they may have made me back then, but they no longer matter. Hindrances should be burnt away and that was exactly my plan.
"If the fire is encircling you and someone else, then it signifies your bond to that person. The two of your share something significant. Dreaming about fire and water together symbolises a polarising issue in your waking life. You are going through an emotional conflict and it is pulling you in two directions."
The reason why I still believe in these interpretations despite being able to lucid dream is precisely because of this. I can set fire within the memory, but what happens from there is beyond my control. Just as the dream dictionary said, the fire, instead of consuming all in its path, encircled the two of us within the dream instead. And you, in the dream, tried to put it out with water. I don't think I need to explain further what these mean. There is an undeniable bond between us and it is only when I try to severe that bond that you would try to sooth it with water that is way too small for the fire.
Now, it is not the first time I've dreamt of these memories and not the first time I've tried to burn things. I already know what the fire will do and what the you in my dream will do, but this time, I acted differently. In the past, I will immediately stop the fire and whatever is charred is mended or hidden. That represents me repairing the bond that I wanted to severe. But what did I do last night in that dream? Something I never thought I possessed the willpower to do.
I turned away from you in the dream, not caring that you are trying to put out the fire. The fire is encircling us, yes, but I didn't care. I just walked towards the ring and somehow, it parted. Quite hilarious, you know, how well it reflects our situation. Like the fire that parted to let me leave our bond, you allowed me to walk away as well. I opened a door, I have no idea where it came from, and I walked through it. Behind me, the fire engulfed everything, such a bittersweet thing though.
"If you are setting fire to something or even to yourself, then it indicates that you are undergoing some great distress. You are at the brink of desperation and want to destroy something or some aspect of yourself."
It is truly a violent endeavour. These are memories of us that I held so very close, holding them as if they could shatter at any moment. I think that no matter which memory it is, I always treasure them more than you do, because that is the truth of our unbalanced relationship. I always adored you much more and that left me to be weak and vulnerable. No more. I didn't just throw these memories on the ground for them to shatter, I burnt them. Never again will anything mean so much more to me than to you. Never again will I put myself in a vulnerable position for one as unreliable as you. I have not become cowardly, I realised in the moment I walked towards the fire - my determination to leave all this behind me - prepared to be burnt just to get away, but I have reached a greater awareness.
I am not afraid of loving another - I am afraid of loving another like you. I am not afraid of showing vulnerability to others, but only those who deserve to know. I thought you were deserving - my mistake. And like I said, you will become a symbol of a mistake - be grateful, at least you will live on in my memory as a valuable lesson, albeit a very unpleasant one.
When I closed that door in the dream, I paused for a moment, wanting to look back and check on how you were. It is amazing how in my dreams, I see words in English now, despite growing up with a Chinese background. I think if such things happened in real life, I would legitimately be freaked out, but I suppose in a dream, everything isn't that surprising. It was like warning signs, in big flashing words and I could hear my own voice in my head.
"How dare you take me for an idiot!"
"How much of a fool do you think I am?"
"Why did I ever trust someone like you!"
"Never again! Never again. I won't believe anything you say. Never again!"
"Eyes on the prize. Don't look back."
Well, then it was rather anticlimactic, because I didn't look back at the door and walked on. Then, I woke up. I think the fact that these very questions also appear in my dreams is a clear sign that it's not just doubts I have in my conscious mind. They are doubts so deeply entrenched that even while dreaming, I can hear them clearly. If I had been a suspicious person at first, I think I am even more so now. I make bad decisions when trusting people - that's a lesson I've learnt many times and once again, I'll have to learn it again. Just because someone looks genuine and you think they are genuine, doesn't mean you should ignore what your senses tell you. Someone people are just very good liars. What I hate most, is how I was used in all this.
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