So I ended up messing up my studying schedule by introducing Math into the first week when it was supposed to be purely Econs. It's not a bad thing though, since I was starting to get bored with the schedule. I'm now thinking of alternating between subjects, but the first two weeks are still dedicated to Math and Econs, and History and Lit will come later. Really, I'm just avoiding topics that take more brain power. I've been a Science student long enough that studying for more Science-y topics, aka topics that require memorisation and application of theories, is really easy.
Also, I'm already done with the Year 5 topics for both Econs and Math, so I really have no idea why people can study through the whole holidays. I'm not mocking them, really, I'm surprised and very impressed. I wish for such dedication and hard work, but often when I see no point in doing something that doesn't interest me, there's nothing in the world that can make me do it. It's impressive how people can study for an entire year without break. That's something that's just completely impossible for me.
Anyway, I read this article about the perspective of Love from 4 MBTI perspective. I'm quite surprised that they aren't using the NF, NT, SP and SJ groupings. In fact, they are utilising a different system, based on decision-making processes. I don't think there's a need for me to rephrase or summarise the details, so I'll probably just copy it out and comment here and there.
MBTI Types and Love
How the 16 MBTI personality types correlate to the Genius System:
- All FJs use the mental process "Harmony" to make decisions
ESFJ, ISFJ, ENFJ, INFJ
- All FPs use the mental process "Authenticity" to make decisions
ESFP, ISFP, ENFP, INFP
- All TJs use the mental process "Effectiveness" to make decisions
ESTJ, ISTJ, ENTJ, INTJ
- All TPs use the mental process "Accuracy" to make decisions
ESTP, ISTP, ENTP, INTP
The "decision-making" mental processes (Harmony, Authenticity, Effectiveness, Accuracy) are ways we evaluate the world and determine their rightfulness, truthfulness and importance to us as people.
Every personality type has a tendency to overvalue their criteria, and unless you understand the concept of different types, it's very easy to assume others are using the same criteria to make evaluations and decisions. That is, if you're an Effectiveness person, it may be very difficult to understand another person who is using, say, Accuracy. When they come to a conclusion that favours conceptual analysis over what works, the assumption is that that person is being short-sighted and somewhat stupid.
Since we all do this (to some extent), in a romantic relationship, this can be disastrous. On some level, we "get" that other people see the world differently than we do, but without a solid model, these difference end up becoming gender stereotypes. "Women just want men to listen to them and not solve their problems," or "Men just want to be alone in their 'man cave' when they have problems."
Since there is definitely a gender skew in personality types, these stereotypes play out often enough that we take them for granted. Real trouble surfaces when we're a personality type not common to our gender but we're still expected to play out the normal "script". When our mate can't "read" or "predict" us (or vice versa!) it can become a serious issue.
1. Harmony (ESFJ, ISFJ, ENFJ, INFJ)
How "Harmony" asks "Do you love me?"
- Do you feel connected to me?
- Will you check in and make sure I'm okay?
- Will you acknowledge and take care of my needs?
- Am I safe with you?
- Do you accept and approve of me?
How "Harmony" answers: "Yes! I love you!"
- I will meet your needs before I meet my own.
- I will check in regularly and make sure you're okay.
- I will do my best to keep morale up.
- I will show you appreciation in whatever way I'd like to be shown appreciation.
How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Smothering, intrusive
2. Authenticity (ESFP, ISFP, ENFP, INFP)
How "Authenticity" asks "Do you love me?"
- Do you think I'm being real with you?
- Do you trust my motives and my intent?
- Will you support me no matter what -- do you have my back?
- Will you give me space to be "me"?
How "Authenticity" answers: "Yes! I love you!"
- I will be patient with your honest expressions.
- I will honour your feelings and identity, even if it's a struggle for both of us.
- I will hold space for you, and give you alone time when you need it.
- I will have your back no matter what the fight is.
- I will trust you have my best interests at heart.
How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Passive, self-absorbed
3. Effectiveness (ENTJ, INTJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
How "Effectiveness" asks "Do you love me?"
- Will you handle things -- can I rely on you?
- Will you make my life easier, can I relax knowing you're "on it"?
- Will you support my career and/or goals and be self-sufficient?
- Are you loyal?
How "Effectiveness" answers: "Yes! I love you!"
- I will be endlessly loyal on principle.
- I will educate myself on you and learn how you operate.
- I will take pride in you, boasting about your accomplishments even before my own.
- I will protect you.
- I chose you. I continue to choose you. Case closed.
How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Controlling, distance, unromantic
4. Accuracy (ENTP, INTP, ESTP, ISTP)
How "Accuracy" asks "Do you love me?"
- Do you think I'm totally competent?
- Are you impressed with my performance?
- Do you trust that I'm not lying to you?
- Does it make sense that you love me? That you stay with me?
How "Accuracy" answers: "Yes! I love you!"
- I will be rigorously honest with you. If I have a "wandering eye" I will tell you, and provide a solution.
- I will gift you with my precision. I will learn you and give high performance at all levels.
- I will protect you from others, but not from yourself.
- I will never judge you. Instead, I will be there for you when things go bad, no matter why they went bad.
How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Harsh, insensitive, cold
This somehow makes me think that my favourite mask to wear is the TJ mask, or TP mask on occasion. I have mentioned before that INFJs are probably regarded as rarer than even INTJ (despite taking up the same percentage of population), because most INFJ just don't wear their true self out very often. All INFJs have a mask, often of the T variant, because they are very sensitive to how people judge them and are frankly, very uncomfortable showing their inner workings. INTJs on the other hand, are proud of who they are and will flaunt it.
I think that everyone will hold all of the above mentioned qualities to some extent. It's just how you prioritise things. For example, protection sounds nice, but as an INFJ, I have to say that if it's protection from outside forces, I can do it well enough myself. The protection I need is protection from myself, which is what Accuracy is clearly not going to give me.
Generally, Harmony and Authenticity both prioritise the emotional parts of the relationship, as expected, since they are F types. The difference is that FPs tend to extrapolate their own emotions into others. It's the kind of difference I point out in INFP vs INFJ, where INFP mirrors emotions but INFJ absorbs. Basically, an FP will look at a person, sense that something is wrong and search within themselves for a similar emotion. They then fish out that emotion and reflect it back to the person, exuding a sense of understanding. FJs on the other hand, tend to absorb the emotion. We may seem less understanding, because we aren't reflecting the emotion back, but we basically take the other person's emotion within ourselves to be evaluated.
It's a very subtle difference, but I think the misinterpretations express it the best. When an FP is in love with someone, they will reflect huge amounts of emotions. They will tell you how hurt they are, how much they miss you, etc etc. It's their way of affirming and showing love. Conversely, when an FJ is in love with someone, they will try to maximise satisfaction in the other party, either by staying away from you if they think their company is incompetent, or just staying around you so that they are there when you need them. So the difference when in love is that FPs will exude and externalise emotions while FJs will try to internalise emotions instead.
On the other hand, I think Effectiveness and Accuracy are very unattractive choices, to be honest. Loyalty from the TJs is a very important quality, but I really think that for an FJ, loyalty is supposed to be innate. Also, I was asked about my opinion on cheating once. My opinion was that if the person cheating was my partner, then I really wouldn't be angry, I would actually be quite concerned. There is clearly something wrong with me - Something I did? Somewhere I went wrong? I would think that when my partner cheats on me, I would be hurt but I wouldn't get angry at them. I think it's a rather FJ thing. FPs may feel the same, but they would probably express the emotion to their partner while FJs like to just let it be and take everything upon themselves instead. On the other hand, I would never cheat...like never. It's an insult to even suggest such a thing.
For some reason, FP and FJ feel more like a mutual kind of thing, while TP and TJ gives me a feeling of disconnect. I think it's just because I'm an FJ and have quite a fixed view on Love in general. "Harmony" is the right term for FJ, I think because we would rather take things upon ourselves and shoulder the entire burden if it means that it wouldn't threaten a relationship. Of course, ideally, both parties in a relationship should be able to talk things out without such a huge risk, but it's hard for an FJ to communicate with a TJ or a TP, because they aren't as adept in handling emotions. They just aren't very good at understanding why the hell you are throwing such a big fuss over "nothing".
Individual MBTI Types and Mass Matching (because it's the second link below the first one)
1. ISTJ
- Responsible, organising
- Efficient and practical
- Take things seriously, expect others to do this also
- Traditional and conforming
- May not be emotionally available, can hold rigid points of view
- Like formal and informal acknowledge - cards and "thank you"
- Under stress: may withdraw, push too hard to get things done
Best types for relationship: ESTJ, ISTJ, INTJ, ISTP, ESTP
Possible types for a relationship: ENTJ, INTP, ENFJ, INFJ, ISFJ, ISFP, ENTP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, ESFP, ENFP, INFP
Percentage of the US population: 12-16%
Really, these people are just terrible I think. Not being emotionally available isn't ideal, but it's alright, but it's the traditional and conforming part plus the rigidity that will probably get on my nerves. I'm fine with tradition and rules and religion and stuff like that, but please, be more open-minded. I'm not attacking you so can you just discuss these with me without getting all defensive or closed-off.
2. ISTP
- Logical, realistic - natural trouble shooters
- Quiet and analytical observers
- Can be detached and overly pragmatic
- Can be uncomfortable dealing with their emotions
- Occasionally seen spontaneous, playful side
- Like to be acknowledges for their problem-solving capabilities
- Under stress: can feel trapped, move impulsively
Best types for relationship: ESTJ, ISTJ, ENTJ, ESTP
Possible types for a relationship: ESFJ, ISFP, INTJ, ISFJ
Least likely types for a relationship: ISTP, ESFP, ENTP, INTP, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP
Percentage of the US population: 5-7%
Mom, mom! You don't get along with both dad and I. The former is true, but me? Hey! Why am I in "least likely" too? Well, but it's true. She isn't very good at dealing with emotions, whether it's someone else's or her own. My mom is quite a typical ISTP, who lives in the moment and when faced with emotional problems, tend to try to escape by dropped the entire subject down a hole.
3. ESTP
- Enthusiastic, hands on, adaptable realists
- Enjoy real-life experiences, new activities and challenges
- Happiest when they are in the moment
- Friendly, talkative and outgoing
- Can be too eager for the next experience
- Want to be respected for their need for freedom
- Under stress: may become excessively impulsive
Best types for a relationship: ISTJ, ESTP, ISTP, ESFP
Possible types for a relationship: ESTJ, ISFP, ENTJ, ENTP, INTP, ISFJ
Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, INTJ, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP
Percentage of the US population: 5-7%
I can totally understand why I'm under "least likely" for the ESTP. These people are the most detached and unconcerned-with-emotions types ever and that is a bad combination with the INFJ's need for emotional support and the tendency for us to hide it. ESTP can't offer us the kind of support we need and more importantly, can't even tell when a threshold is passed. So probably the type to offend me greatly and not know about it.
4. ESTJ
- Great talkers with strong opinions
- Dependable and responsible
- Find comfort in family routines and traditions
- Organised and orderly, may try to control their partner
- Can be inflexible and impatient
- Want to be acknowledged for keeping things running smoothly
- Under stress: may become hypercritical and controlling
Best types for a relationship: ISTJ, ESFJ, ISFJ, ENTJ, INTJ, ISTP
Possible types for a relationship: ENTP, INTP, ESTP, ESFP, ISFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ, INFP, ENFP
Percentage of the US population: 10-12%
It's quite sad to see that ESFJ and ISFJ are best types because some part of me realises that that's only true because ESFJ and ISFJ are the kind of people who will be willingly to bend to other people's demands. Since ESTJ treasures tradition and routines, that is appealing to ESFJ and ISFJ, thus leading them to become more susceptible. It's not surprising that the NF types are just down there and unwilling to be part of this tyranny.
5. ISFJ
- Strong need to belong and have harmony
- Very good with details and the here-and-now
- Trust the lessons of the past, rather than try new things
- Amazing command of the facts
- Do not like confrontation
- Need to be appreciated for their contributions
- Under stress: can become rigid
Best types for a relationship: ISFJ, ENFJ, ESTJ
Possible types for a relationship: ESFJ, ESTP, ISFP, INFJ, INFP, ESFP, ISTJ, ISFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFP
Percentage of the US population: 9-12%
I can understand why ISFJ has so few "best types". There are few types that are able to display appreciation openly and freely, and at the same time provide the kind of security that ISFJ needs. While INFJs can certainly feel that the ISFJ needs affirmation, we, unlike our extroverted cousin, ENFJ, are very conservative when giving compliments. We give them when needed and even then, those compliments tend to be toned down. There are so many types like the INFJ, who can fulfill part of the criteria, but the part we can't fulfill is too glaring to be ignored.
6. ISFP
- Gentle, sensitive, compassionate
- Down to earth, prefer action to words
- Modest and reserved
- Can take a long time to get to know
- Hide their vulnerability behind an air of detachment
- Want a deep and intimate connection with their partners
- Under stress: can become passive and withdrawn
Best types for a relationship: ESFP, ISFP
Possible types for a relationship: ESTP, ESTJ, ESFJ, ISTP, ENFJ, INFJ, INFP, ISFJ, ISTJ, ENFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP
Percentage of the US population: 5-7%
To me, I think the ISFP can be a very endearing type of person. They are like little bunnies, soft, quiet, fluffy. I think it's because of their naturally quiet personality, coupled with a very sensitive heart and detachment from others that make them extremely difficult to get to know. So few people get to know them and thus, even fewer people understand them. This is probably the type with the fewest "best" types.
7. ESFP
- Enthusiasm for the world of real-life experiences
- Energetic and fun-loving, practical
- Spontaneous and flexible
- Can be frustrated by rules and regulations
- Very outgoing, "people people"
- Special concern for children
- Can show a lack of commitment or seem impulsive
- Under stress: may become excessively impulsive, over commit
Best types for a relationship: ESTP, ISFP
Possible types for a relationship: ESTJ, ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP, ENTP, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP
Least likely types for a relationship, ISTJ, ISTP, ENTJ, INTJ, INTP
Percentage of the US population: 6-9%
These kind of people...seriously...obnoxious. There isn't an E-I pair with differences as big as ISFP and ESFP. Especially as an INFJ, this kind of rift between E-I is huge, given that INFJ is supposedly the least introverted Introvert and thus, there isn't that big a rift between INFJ and ENFJ. Similarly, ENTP is the most introverted Extrovert and so, they don't have that big a difference between ENTP and INTP either. ISFP and ESFP are just opposite ends of the spectrum. If a quiet and reserved person is hard to get to know, so is a loud and annoying person.
8. ESFJ
- Care intensely about people, generously support them
- Desire harmony - this is essential to their well-being
- Take their work seriously, think that others should also
- Traditions are important; as are family events and holidays
- Can be comfortable as leaders
- Can be seen as intolerant (based on their clear sense of right and wrong)
- Under stress: can become excessively emotional, see only the negative
Best types for a relationship: ESTJ, ENFP
Possible types for a relationship: ISFJ, ESFJ, ENFJ, INFP, ISFP, ISTP, ESFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESTP, ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, INFJ, ISTJ
Percentage of the US population: 10-12%
Why is my math "student" so incompatible with me? Probably because INFJ are very free souls who gets frustrated when ESFJs try to impose social norms onto them. INFJs do not care for social norms but ESFJs tend to take those things very seriously, way too seriously in our opinions. We are the only NF type under "least likely" so I guess that explains why. Still, I think INFJ still fares better than others in the same list, because at least we know when to start retreating when we've poked an ESFJ too hard.
9. INFJ
- Deep concern for people and relationships
- Live for insight and imagination
- Love of learning
- Deeply concerned with fellowship and harmony; caring and compassionate
- Concerned with the growth of others
- Idealists at heart; value trust in relationships
- Can be seen as stubborn about their own correctness
- Under stress: may be surprisingly critical, can become self-absorbed
Best types for a relationship: ENTP, ENFP, INFJ, INFP, ENFJ
Possible types for a relationship: ISFJ, ESFP, ISFP, ENTJ, INTJ, INTP, ISTJ
Least likely types for a relationship: ESTJ, ESFJ, ESTP, ISTP
Percentage of the US population: 2-3%
I see another reason why we can't get along with ESFJs. INFJ's love for learning, about things not purely academic, can seem to be a source of instability for ESFJs since they are the type to enjoy stagnancy. One of the most horrifying things that a relationship can do is to stop a person's growth as an individual, stumping their emotional and psychological development. For an ESFJ, that's fine to them. For an INFJ, that's a no-no. There is definitely learning involved in love and aiding in each other's growth. The world is filled with curiosities, how can you stop thinking?
10. INFP
- Skilled communicators
- Often idealistic
- Harmony in relationships is important
- May not be able to get their own needs met
- Excited by new ideas and possibilities
- Creativity is important; artistic activities
- Don't tread on their values - they will bite you
- Under stress: can become outwardly critical of others
Best types for a relationship: ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ
Possible types for a relationship: ISFJ, ESFJ, ESFP, ISFP, ENTP, INTP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESTJ, ISTJ, ESTP, ISTP, ENTJ, INTJ
Percentage of the US population: 4-5%
INFPs are basically NF-clique formers, aren't they? Welcome to the NF group, only NFs allowed. They must be awesome people for INFJs to get along, since they get excited by new ideas and possibilities. So please sit down and let me impart to you my latest discoveries and theories, I'm sure you'll enjoy them. Once again, if you compare this to INFJ, it feels like INFP is more inward-looking while the INFJ is more outward-looking. Yet in terms of relationships, INFPs seem to be looking to rely more while INFJ is looking for equality, or ideally, for the partner to seek more reliance on them (I mean, we don't want to share our burdens...it'll hurt you, but please, let me bear yours).
11. ENFP
- Love to talk about what is going on in their lives
- Will encourage their mates to grow
- Need to feel encouragement
- Don't like to say it when their feelings are hurt
- Tend to withdraw to process hurt feelings in private
- Need to hear how much they mean to someone
- Like spontaneous demonstrations of love and respect
- Under stress: may have difficulty saying no and take on too many projects
Best types for a relationship: INFJ, INFP, ENFJ, ENFP, ESFJ
Possible types for a relationship: ENTJ, ENTP, INTJ, INTP, ESFP, ISFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ISTJ, ESTJ, ISTP, ESTP, ISFJ
Percentage of the US population: 6-8%
I don't know...this seems to correspond nicely with the INFJ, perhaps why they are supposed to be compatible. INFJs will willingly listen to someone talk about their lives, we are concerned about others. ENFP will encourage growth and that's what INFJ strives for. INFJs are also known for counselling and giving people 1-to-1 talks (vs ENFJ's bigger audience kind of talks), which can draw ENFPs back. Still, I don't know someone who is a stereotypical ENFP, so it's hard to say.
12. ENFJ
- Strong desire for harmony
- Love to talk with and learn from others
- Exceptional people skills
- Make decisions based on personal values
- Idealists who need active people contact
- Exude charm, but can overwhelm others with too much enthusiasm
- Under stress: can become rigidly narrow, emotional and irritable
Best types for a relationship: ISFJ, ENFJ, ENTJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP
Possible types for a relationship: ESFJ, ESFP, ISFP, INTP, ISTJ, ENTP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESTJ, ESTP, ISTP, INTJ
Percentage of US population: 3-5%
This is the type with the most "best types", isn't it? *scrolls up* Yeah, it is. When you put this one next to the ISFP, it makes me feel really sad for the ISFP's plight. Still, I get the feeling from the "Under stress" section that the ENFJ is probably going to be the scariest kind of people when angry, only because they are not easily irritated. ENFJ's qualities, as listed in this, corresponds with INFP and ISFJ (harmony), as well as INFJ (talk and learn). Also, if you have realised, ENFJ has the fewest "least likely".
13. INTJ
- Have assumptions about the way things could be (strong opinions)
- Need to be around other competent people
- Avoid interpersonal conflict, but love a spirited debate
- Can need to feel in control, and be inflexible
- Can appear to be challenging and insensitive (generally not true underneath)
- Tend to avoid emotional risks, tend to keep thoughts and insights to themselves
- They may appear stubborn
- Under stress: may become over-structured, paralysed by seeking perfection before taking action
Best types for a relationship: ESTJ, INTJ, ESTP, ENTJ
Possible types for a relationship: INTP, INFJ, INFP, ENFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTP, ESFP, ISFP, ENTP, INFP, ENFJ
Percentage of the US population: 3-4%
That is just horrible! Half of the MBTI types are under "least likely"! And out of the company I know that surround a particular INTJ, I'm the only one that's not in "least likely", probably because INFJ and INTJ are supposed to have telepathic links when close enough. You know, the two rarest types with Ni as dominant? Still, INTJs can be very frustrating, because they are both judgemental, yet aren't completely immune to feeling hurt. You can't be judgemental without people disliking you. Also, it offends me to think that INTJs would classify people as "incompetent" because there isn't such a thing as incompetent people. They just never gotten enough help from others.
14. INTP
- Flexible and adaptable
- Want to make sense of concepts, and the world
- Logical and analytical - want others to be logical
- May have great powers of concentration
- Like abstract and symbolic thinking
- Often non-traditional
- May be seen as aloof; out of touch with the world
- Under stress: may feel overwhelmed and misunderstood
Best types for a relationship: ENTP, INTP, INTJ
Possible types for a relationship: ESTJ, ISTJ, ESTP, ENTJ, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, ISFJ, ISTP, ESFP, ISFP
I guess for a healthy and not-killing-herself INFJ, INTPs are great partners because they fuel the INFJs need to understanding the world. Please come and make sense of these concepts for me, INTP, because it's making me highly indecisive and I don't like it. But I don't like making uninformed decisions even more. As a proof, my dad is an INTP and although we have our clashes, when it comes to discussing things that don't immediately annoy him, I find him to be decently good company. Can be a little too rejecting of non-logical arguments, but still, good company.
15. ENTP
- Excited by possibilities, anything new
- Eternal optimists
- Value knowledge and competence
- Gregarious, sociable; look self-confident
- Tend to view people in an objective manner, so they can appear insensitive
- May argue for the sake of argument
- Under stress: may take on too many projects, drive themselves to exhaustion
Best types for a relationship: ENTP, INTP, INFJ
Possible types for a relationship: ESTJ, ISTJ, ESTP, ESFP, ENTJ, ENFP, INFP, ENFJ
Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, ISFJ, ISTP, ISFP, INTJ
Percentage of the US population: 4-7%
It may be surprisingly for a first time MBTI reader to see INFJ stand so high in compatibility with ENTP. It makes a tone of sense though, when you slowly come to understand their dynamics. ENTPs are excited by possibilities, something that INFJs bring to the table with their theories and natural interest in the world. Their eternal optimism can drag INFJs out of their pessimism. Their objectivity is valuable to the INFJ since INFJs are known to be surprisingly open-minded despite their sensitivities, because we value honestly and sincerity. The MBTI community doesn't ship this for nothing.
16. ENTJ
- Good at analysing and bringing order
- Logical
- Big picture thinkers
- Energetic planners and builders
- Value competence and intelligence
- Hold themselves to high standards
- Confident and assertive
- Under stress: may become hypercritical of themselves and others
Best types for a relationship: ESTJ, ISTP, ENTJ, ENFJ, INTJ
Possible types for a relationship: ISTJ, ESTP, ENTP, INTP, INFJ, ENFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP, ISFP, INFP
Percentage of the US population: 3-5%
Please, someone tell me why ENFJ is so up there. ENTJs are the kind of people I see and immediately know to avoid, because they are nothing but trouble. They invite trouble and they cause trouble, and are highly judgemental. You can't tell people they are incompetent or unintelligent, that's very insensitive! Instead, how about you help them instead and not impose your standards on them? I feel like I don't want to ever know an ENTJ, unless I can't help it.
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