So I actually decided to post...
I've finally found some time to blog and do some random things without feeling too guilty about it. I must say that in all my years of studying, I have never EVER mugged this hard. In fact, I've never thought it possible that I could mug this hard. It's a very healthy mixture of fear and hope. To much fear can paralyse, but hope gives you the faith in your abilities. To hope too much can make cause complacency, but fear gives you a good reality check.
Though I think nowadays, it is fear that is stronger...and hope? I think it's more of ambition. Ambition is more cocky and confident-sounding than hope, linguistically speaking. Hope conjures the image of a dreamy idealist who sits around all day wishing for the best. Ambition reminds me those hard-working and determined individuals, those who probably identify with eagles and lions.
The fear that brought my senses back to me
One of my closest friend jokingly said to me, "Everyone is about to finish running and you just started?" I know she meant no harm, but it created a pang of fear in me so great that it was the closest I've come to having a panic attack. The number of "what if"s that came up in that moment. "What if it's too late?" is the one that screams the loudest to me. I mean, I do consider myself more of a realist nowadays and I take great pride in it. The question "What if I had done ___ differently?" doesn't really occur to me anymore since I have come to terms with the fact that "What's done is done. You cannot change the past. You can only alter the future." But even now, the former question is becoming less impactful. So what if it's too late? I'm not going to stop working. I have regretted too much in my teenage years and next year, I'm already turning 20. Regret is something I'm horribly accustomed to, but it has also taught me a lot. Time to start taking these lessons to heart, eh?
Anyway, I'm not working now because I had a mock Math paper today and no matter how hard I try to do more work, my brain won't take it. It's actually throbbing in pain and I'm not about to kill myself for the little amount of reward I'm going to get from this terribly inefficient session. I must say, apart from Vectors, I am getting full marks across the board. But no, this blog isn't about things like that.
I've changed...I don't know how, but I like it.
It's quite funny to remember that barely a month ago, I was struggling to keep myself together. Once again, just like that year with PSLE, I am a person who pulls together amazingly when the stress becomes overwhelming...like a survival instinct. Every single cell in my body comes together and decides "You know what? We are done watching this dreadfully entertaining drama. This time to get the act together."
It's really, really amazing how my brain does it. I can't even comprehend it.
In a snap, I came to terms with something I couldn't for a long time. And you know what the scariest thing is? I can't even tell whether that used to be an act, or I just changed enough for it to seem not "me" anymore. That whole pinning, whining, self-pitying...it doesn't disgust me...it just feels alien to me. I do have a theory though, like I do for everything.
It all revolves the theme of "SELF-CONFIDENCE".
It's all so cliched, but cliches are made because they are universally applicable, and so very human. I've found back my self-confidence. I tried to get it from other people, to cling, to pine, to thirst for acceptance. What a bloody cliche. The only acceptance I needed was from myself. I couldn't...wouldn't...accept myself for what I am. And it was so simple, so bloody textbook. And to accept myself, I have to face my fears...my failures. No, not to suppress, not to throw them away. I have to accept them, acknowledge them.
I have failed, I know, academically. I can do much better than this, I know, so I must take action. Success may not come to people who work hard, but it never comes for people who don't. Even until now, I believe that I am not living for myself, but if I cannot handle myself, then how can I handle others? I wanted someone to put me back together. I gave someone the power. It was a foolish decision. Yes, I did trust the wrong person, but that wasn't the problem. No matter who I trusted, it wouldn't have worked. I broke myself apart, I will put myself back together.
"Accept your past without regret."
After CT2, I tried to hide my scores from my mom, but in actuality, I hid it from myself. I did not want to see my own failures. I did not want to accept it, that I...that someone who has always been praised for natural capacity for learning, can fail this badly. It's not bragging, I don't feel like it's something to brag about. Those who are born with learning disabilities, their failures are sometimes inevitable. I cannot use such excuses.
Why do I always look back to Primary School? 267 for PSLE without studying. Distinction for all ABRSM Piano Grades from 1 to 6. Silver Award for Singapore Mathematical Olympiad for Primary School (SMOPS) with no training. What changed? Why couldn't I attain these anymore? It's very simple. Confidence. Not once have I ever failed in Primary School. The very idea of failure was foreign. So when I first failed in RGS, it hit me harder than anything in the world. The entire notion of a rose-coloured world fell apart. It took so many years for me to find back that confidence.
No, it is an improvement. In Primary School, it was pure, snarky arrogance, the kind you saw in Draco Malfoy. Now, it is confidence, the confidence that through hard work, I can become better. No, not better than those around me, but better than I was yesterday.
And so, after lying in bed for 5 hours, thinking about whether I should cheat my way out of signing the progress report, I closed my eyes momentarily and got up. If I lied, if I cheated, it's not only towards my mom, but to myself. If I wanted to redeem myself, to do well for A levels, to gain back confidence, I need to stop lying to myself. Yes, I failed. Yes, I did horribly. So what will I do about it now? Hey, I call myself an INFJ right? Start looking into the future.
When my mother signed the report, she cried - silently sobbed. And that was when the second moment of realisation hit me. Mom, the one person I would die to protect under any circumstance. How ironic that it was ultimately me that made her cry. My dad can say all kinds of horrid things to her, hit her and she will maintain that stony face and glare back icily. In the end, it was me who broke her strength. If I want my mother to be happy, I have to work hard. And that was my second realisation.
Just by signing a progress report, I not only found in myself the ability to accept my past failures and allow those to spurn me forward, I also reinforced my goals and redirected myself in life. I may still fail, but now I know that I won't run away or crumble. Just like I did with Prelims, I won't cry and worry about hiding it. I will take it as a lesson and move on from there. I suppose then, that I've matured in the area of "acceptance of failure".
"Handle your presence with confidence."
"What if it's too late to work hard?"
It could be, but does it matter? If you lose your confidence, if you believe that it is too late, then it really is too late. Fear does me nothing in this case but wrong. It clogs my thoughts, it makes me panic, it distracts me. But I find that on the bed, whenever I panic, what comes after is a rush of inspiration and determination. "Too late?" Well, you never know until the end, do you? If it is too late, then it is out of your control anyway. Stop worrying about what you cannot control and work on what you can control, which is studying efficiently.
"Face your future without fear."
"What if I still fail in the end?"
Then try something else. If everyone is going to kill themselves once they fail, then humans would have been extinct. A levels is a huge milestone in a student's life, but it does not determine whether you should live or die. It just determines how easy your life will be from now on. And like I said, control the now and it will affect your future. Don't speculate your future. It's just like speculating on currency - if you believe, then it will be. Work hard, have confidence and success will come.
What did I see in him?
I always thought a day would come when I look back to those days and laugh at myself, and the day has finally arrived. From every perspective, it seems really ridiculous what had happened. I was pinning after a guy that really doesn't deserve it. What was I being attracted to? ...I really don't know.
I'm not even attempting an insult, I'm past that point. I am just genuinely and honestly confused about what exactly I found attractive. Every single distinct trait of his is actually quite repulsive to me, even to the extent of things he cannot control. It's very mean of me, but I am being rather blunt here. I was reacquainted with this guy from Primary School and though, no, we are not dating and I am not even the least bit interested in doing so, he did open my eyes and made me acknowledge a lot of this.
Ice-skating was the first thing I did with this guy and I was suddenly struck by the fact that "I bloody missed this." It was not just that, obviously. There was a point that I fell on my butt, quite embarrassingly, and he just skated over and laughed. A small issue, yeah, but it revealed so much to me - I hated pretentiously nice people and liked people who dared to be blunt. A "gentleman" would have helped me up or something so very pretentious, but it was actually more heartwarming when he stood next to me laughing as I struggled to get up, then skating away as fast as possible when I tried to push him down. He, like so many of the other Primary School guy friends I met a few weeks ago, had such bright and distinct personalities.
Perhaps it is my fault that I cannot see the personality of the person I liked, but obviously no apology is offered. If I could not see it, then maybe I was not meant to see it. I think that at one point, I was so desperate to see a distinct personality from him, my brain started to make one up. I'm not even trying to make an insult out of that anymore. I'm not saying "oh, he has no personality". I'm saying "I cannot see his personality for the life of me and I'm not going to try to see something that is invisible to me."
And then there was pool and it's the same thing again - realisation. This other Primary School friend of mine is bloody amazing at pool, but I didn't feel that kind of constant annoyance I felt towards that person I "liked" (because now it's pretty clear that I actually didn't). He screwed himself over so many times by doing trick shots and jump shots that were clearly not the best way, but he did them anyway. I was reminded in those instants, when I played pool with the guy I "liked". He is a coward in every single way possible, at least in my eyes. Once again, I must emphasise that I'm not trying to put him down. Maybe it's quite appealing to other girls, I don't know, but I do like guys who know how to joke around, play pranks and take risks.
Why? Well, you see, when the guy laughed at me when I fell, I felt the strong urge to stand up and one-up him. Growth. He made me want to overcome my own weaknesses and prove my worth. When the other guy did trick shots, I realised that I wasn't enjoying myself because of the game, but because of the company. His laughter and joking personality was infectious.
Back then, when I played pool with the guy I thought I liked, I enjoyed the game because it is pool. But now, I enjoyed myself because of who I was playing with and I would have been happy even if it was a game I disliked. That is the difference. And then I moved past it...almost miraculously
I think somehow, in the back of my mind, I was always aware of all this. Not just in the back of my mind, I think, I had my doubts even on the surface. Yet, I still clung on...why?
I didn't want to grow up.
I am a person who retained into a batch a year younger than me. Maybe in terms of accepting failure and romantic relationships, I was still a quite behind, but I was always very aware of the kind of emotional maturity I had over others. No, not compassion or anything like that. Those are, to me, actually signs of immaturity and over-idealism. I meant emotional maturity in terms of consistency between rationality and emotions. This is a conclusion drawn after a discussion with a certain INTJ over Whatsapp.
I'm not a very openly warm or kind person, both because of upbringing and my own personality. But my emotional maturity comes from the fact that despite being quite an easily emotional person, I've always, since childhood, attempted to find a logical explanation for everything I am feeling. Over time, over the years, I have developed the ability to create consistency between logic and feeling. So instead of being very angry and taking it out on people, I can always find the exact reason why I felt angry, what escalated it and what calmed me down. It's actually a kind of self-awareness I'm advocating for.
For example, I've always said I disliked selfish people, but I do respect them for their decision. However, what I cannot respect and detest are people who are very selfish but genuinely believe in their selflessness. Maybe it's not the way he really is, but the guy that I "liked" comes under this category. He believes himself to be selfless, but every act of selflessness he does seems so shallow and so pretentious...agreeable. It's very on-the-surface, masking a deeply judgemental inner belief. And that to me is a horrendous form of deceit - to make someone think you agree with them and their behaviour, yet actually dislike it on the inside. For example, I have a friend who likes fashion. I didn't go ahead and act like I'm all elated about it, because I don't like it. I stated it very clearly to her that I disagree, but also respected her own opinion. And it is because of that, she says, that she respects me, because I am honestly about it and not pretending to like what she does.
Then things that actually matter to me, in the concept of being selfless, he is painfully selfish. And he doesn't see it! Sometimes I think that something must be wrong with me, because it's so obvious to me that he is so selfish. And he even dares come and ask me about it...that deepens the layer. If you cannot see something that is supposed to matter so much to you...then either 1. I'm wrong and you have no reason to ask me, or 2. you are lying to yourself. Selfishness is not wrong, so a person who wholly believes in being selfless is definitely lying to himself or others.
And how is this relevant? Well, a lot of people in the class has fallen for his deceit and think of him as a very mature person. I'm honestly just sitting there with my eyebrows so high they completely flew off my face because "Really? Are you so blind?" or maybe, like I said, it's just the way I see him. It doesn't matter. Not going to pursue that matter. But the matter I am pursuing is that, in my own eyes, I am already more mature than people my age when it comes to self-awareness and consistency of logic and emotions. To admit that my crush was just a game to entertain myself means that I deepen that level of consistency and extend it to the romantic category. I don't want to feel so much older than the others.
It is then denial, the need to fit in, that drove me to pine for so long. It is rather regretful that I allowed myself to be drawn too much into my own game that it permeated into my other problems. I'm just glad that this whole nonsense is over.
Where to go from here
I have come to terms with my own level of maturity, which I am aware is a few years older than me. But through interacting with my Primary School friends, most of which are older than me (note that they are out of NS by the way), I feel like I am no longer in any danger of wanting to deny myself of that maturity. After all, I sought their advice and I felt like, for once, these are people who are on the same page as me.
I have come to terms with my own failures and know that I have to work hard, and I'm working hard. I am scared of failing, but it will not stop me from working. I do feel like at this point, even if I fail, I will be able to cope with it, on my own, and not fall into the spiral of clinging and clinging onto someone else. I've found my self-confidence back, the one that was lost almost 6-7 years ago.
I'm not exactly proud of it, but I did take a whole day of break today from doing work. I feel like I need it, after having pushed myself through a few days of intense mugging, but I don't feel like I deserve it. I suppose my friend was right - Prelims did slap me really hard in the face. It was the kind of feeling I got during the paper. No, I wasn't unprepared to the point that I was helpless. I was as prepared as I had ever been for any paper, but I know that that's not enough. And then I look forward at the person sitting in front of me - its always a hardworking person. I felt guilty, and then I felt impatient with myself. How long do I plan to stand here while everyone else overtakes me? What right do I have to cry over my results when I did not put in even 10% of the effort they put in?
Still, I know when I have to stop and take a break. I've had friends who were so hardworking that they sleep only 2-3 hours everyday for 3 months straight before even the Prelims. No, they didn't even try multitasking - watching Youtube and doing work at the same time - like I always do. They literally work 24/7. However, even though I have immense respect for people like that, I find that rather foolish, because it is rather impractical for humans with normal levels of stamina to persevere for that long. Also, they collapsed before the exam and their health got in the way of their rewards. In Chinese, that is called δΊεεε, which means to put in a lot of effort to get a less than proportionate amount of reward. It's like...having an elastic demand or something. Ok, that's a stupid analogy.
Anyway, I think taking Literature has ruined my fanfiction reading experience. I was reading the following extract:
"The woman in front of me, she was like a turbulent river, cascading around me and trapping me in the rapid currents of her passion; like a wild forest fire, scorching and engulfing my very spirit. But my wife, the one holding my hand so gently next to me, she was by distinct contrast, the calm surfacing of a stagnant pond, emitting the warmth of a small hearth-fire." It is quite nicely-written, up to my demands on the language skills of a fanfiction author, but I cannot seem to get the picture of Ellen Olenska and May Welland from The Age of Innocence out of my head. Granted, the main character is nothing like Newland Archer, since he is the keyword I used to search up the fanfiction anyway. I cannot separate the characters of the two women in the fanfiction from the two in the novel I'm studying. It also doesn't help that while this author has done a good job with maintaining a respectable standard for the language use in his/her story, he/she has managed to make the female characters extremely OOC. For those unaccustomed to the terms used fanfiction, OOC means "Out of Character".
But I didn't stick much to this idea and instead went on to thinking more about the content of the extract. So just like Newland Archer, this character is married to a woman who he does love, but with less of a passionate kind of love than he has for this other woman. Since the situation is so similar, I'll just discuss it in relation with Ellen Olenska and May Welland, the former of which is the woman Newland Archer has an affair with and the latter of which is his wife (taking from the second part of the novel).
Now, in the given context that he is already married, then I have no qualms or hesitations in saying that he is completely in the wrong and that he should have no choice between the two women. It has nothing to do with marriage being a sacred institution, ordained by God, or whatever religious people preach. I am someone who proudly develops her values based on observations and experiences, rather than inherited values that are blindly and doggedly followed "just because" they are there. Instead, I think of marriage as a promise. I don't think that anyone should break a promise - because in the first place, you made the decision of making that promise.
What I mean is that, in any situation where you created the ultimate conditions for failure, you are then responsible for failure. In other words, in The Age of Innocence, when May Welland offers Newland Archer a chance to leave her for this affair she suspects him of being involved in, Newland Archer made an active decision. His decision to stay on in the engagement and to even push it forward created the conditions of a marriage that binds him to May. He wasn't forced into making that "promise", so when he broke it, it is his fault.
Think of it this way. If you promised your friend that you would keep notes for her, then it would be wrong of you to not keep notes for her. However, if you didn't make that promise and you didn't make notes for her, then you can't be blamed for your shortcomings, because you didn't take on the obligation to fulfill that duty.
Let's move away from discussing the rightness of the main character's decision. As for the fanfiction, I have not yet reached the part of his decision and since I am extremely biased towards him, I'm most likely to not impose as much blame on him as I did on Newland Archer. Newland Archer...he represents, to me, the most obnoxious and retarded kind of guy. He is referred to as "intelligent" in the introduction and that is the most blasphemous thing I've read.
Another thing to discuss would be the decision itself. The fire and ice motif, or the contrast between passionate love and comforting love. In the fanfiction, the main character does say that he loves his wife, but is unable to find the same passion in her - "As hard I wished it, my heart never skipped a beat in her presence, but when she laid her hand on me comfortingly, she could calm me instantly." I prefer the imagery in the fanfiction more, to be honest, because the author is doing a better comparison - contrasts become ironically more distinct when it is seen between two things of a similar quality.
Personally, I would always choose the passionate love over the comforting love. It makes me seem a little hedonistic, but it's not because I'm current high on hormones or anything like that. It's just that the alternative scares me. The idea of stagnation always scares me. When you are stuck in a situation that is deceptively comfortable and peaceful in comparison to whatever reality is in the outside world, you end up becoming trapped. And what is scarier is that it is a trap of your own creation. When a person becomes contented with what they have and believe that they cannot be happier than they already are, they lose the human impulse to want to improve and strive for more. It is the lack of something that creates the movement towards obtaining it.
Think about it, when you really desired something like a game, or score on an exam, everything in your being becomes focused on it and your consciousness pushes you to pursue it. However, the moment you attain it, you lose that kind of drive, not just in pursuing that one goal, but in general. This quite an interesting human phenomenon.
No, it's not something that I read from a book. If everything you know about the world is only obtained from reading, then you aren't going to be too smart. Books assist learning, most of my knowledge is obtained through careful thinking and then double checking to see if my deductions are correct. Therefore, when people throw me links to documents the moment I start discussing a certain psychological phenomenon, I automatically assume that the person must be incredibly stiff in the brain. I like to create and generate theories by pingponging ideas off people who are equally apt at using their own brain to figure things out. I do not want to discuss an idea with a document, because if that's what I'm supposed to do, why the hell am I even talking to you?
Anyway, my whole point is that, a person who creates passion is also more likely to create a thrust factor in your life (no pun intended, *cough cough*). It is, after all, the warmth of the hearth-fire isn't going to propel you to move anywhere and you are more likely to just lay down and enjoy the warmth. The burn of the forest fire will make you run instead. Similarly, the stagnant pool of water is filled with water that is calm and never-moving, but is known as "dead water" in Chinese for a reason. In contrast, the river will bring you down its course and you have to fight the white water rapids in order not to drown. What is the point of life if you are just going to be content and stagnate? Keep moving forward and never stop wanting to move forward. That should be the way to go.
So I'll actually encourage him to leave his wife for the other woman? Hell yeah. Especially since in the fanfiction, it is an arranged marriage, so it removes my given clause of an "active decision".
Now for FamilyJules7x's covers and some Pokemon remixes by GlitchxCity. I seem to have unlimited respect for people who have talent in things they are passionate about. What? That's everyone? That's not true. I have met people who are content just doing whatever they are told and whatever other people want them to do. It's frigging disgusting, if you ask me. Why were you born as a human if you have less individual autonomy than a dog? I mean, you can be agreeable, but damn, have something that you love and pursue with a passion!
I absolutely love the Elder Scrolls and while I didn't like Morrowind as much when I first started it, I began loving it too after adapting to the game style. It was refreshing to not have a fast travel system and having to know which Silt Strider, boat and teleporter brought you to which town. It was also cool that each faction had their own skill requirements, so that a Paladin decked out in full Heavy Armour won't be in the Thieves' Guild for no damn reason. It made me feel like Oblivion was easy and Skyrim was for babies. Increasing the difficulty by like 10 in Morrowind is much much harder than the laughable Master Difficulty on Skyrim. If you play anywhere below Adept on Skyrim, shame on you. That said, I cheat on every second playthrough of Morrowind with official bugs.
Ecruteak/Cianwood City Pokemon GSC Guitar Cover
To be fair, I really hated both Ecruteak City and Cianwood City, because I used to do the segment from Goldenrod right up to Mahogany City and back to Goldenrod for Team Rocket at one go. And if you ever played the games, if you didn't shame on you, then you know that segment takes a frigging long time. It gets extremely frustrating, especially since I have the memory of playing with Typhlosion, I bloody hate the back sprite of Typhlosion for some reason.
Cool, Cool Mountain Super Mario 64 Guitar Cover
Bloody baby penguin, go die. That's all.
Majora's Mask Medley
Can someone say, favourite Zelda to watch someone play through? I love the dark atmosphere the game has that is rarely seen in E-rated games nowadays. And the music is phenomenal. Now, I don't really like playing it myself because it gets quite tedious after a while, but still, I love Majora's Mask. For playing...I still like my standard 2D Zelda.
GlitchxCity Pokeball Factory XY
I think Pokeball Factory has some of the best music I've heard in Pokemon games, and this is coming from an ardent fan of Generation III with RSE and the ORAS remakes. I do want to get XY, just for the Pokemon, but then I'll prefer a Japanese version, which is more expensive, so I can evolve both Pokemon via trade and do Masuda breeding method efficiently.
Primal Dialga Mystery Dungeons: Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky
I'm sorry, Rayquaza, but I prefer the second generation of Mystery Dungeon games to the first, even though you were the final boss of the first generation of games. You can't tell me that Primal Dialga is badass as hell, and while I am biased towards Dialga, vs Palkia, I think Dialga is just a cool Pokemon in general. I always play as the same Pokemon though. Not Riolu, I hate Riolu. Treecko and Mudkip all the way. Agility + Mud-slap + Violent Seed set-up is very broken indeed.
Eterna Forest DPPt
Most people don't like Eterna Forest, or don't even remember it. Every single Pokemon generation has its own forest - Viridian in Gen I, Ilex in Gen II, Petalburg Woods in Gen III, etc etc. The reason I like Eterna Forest is very simple and quite a shallow reason. Murkrow. It's the first place in the game that you can catch Murkrow and I've already expressed my love for the extremely cool-looking Honchkrow.
Meteor Falls RSE/ORAS
You can't tell me that Meteor Falls isn't just absolutely beautiful. Even in the old games, I was in awe of this place.
Oh, why Salamence? If you didn't know (shame on you again), after you obtain the HM for Waterfall, after the defeating the final gym and just before the Victory Road, you can assess the back chamber of Meteor Falls. There, on the mere 20 patches of dry land, you can encounter the only Bagons you can find in the entire bloody game. It was a pain in my butt to train even with the new Exp Share system in Gen VI, so you can imagine how absolutely painful it was to train one in RSE. I would rather settle for a Flygon, even though it's much shittier, especially with Salamencite in ORAS. Speaking of Mega Salamence, frigging Zinnia, why do you have a Uber in your team. I call cheating.
So, today, while I was taking a short break from work, I decided to research on a particular reaction I had a few days ago. Someone said something that I considered to be insanely stupid, and immediately, my reaction was something like this:
And it was concluded, almost instantaneously, in my brain, that that particular person is retarded, or just intellectually inferior. It's a sort of arrogance that I keep very much to myself, since it is quite common as for me, as an INFJ, to avoid saying mean things if I can't do anything to help it. It's not the thinking that "Don't say anything if you have nothing nice to say", because that results in a bunch of ENFJs and INFPs who are basically fake as shit, and it's goddamn obvious when they are trying to wiggle their way onto your good side. My thinking is more along the lines of "Don't criticise anything, if there is no way it can be fixed." In other words, "This person is so dumb that I don't think I can fix that stupidity."
Apparently, though, arrogance is not a common trait of the INFJ, but is a defining characteristic of INTJs, our Ni-dom buddies. So I decided to do research on how INFJs can display INTJs qualities, how the two types relate to each other, etc etc. I mean, I guess my INFJ kicks in after I have the "OMG, this guy is dumb as hell" thought, because I immediately feel bad for thinking that. However, I don't deny it, even then. I still think that the person is mentally backwards, judging silently, while my Fe is desperately trying to find excuses for that person for that massive slip-up.
So I suppose that that's the little defining trait between me, as quite a cold INFJ, and the INTJ. The INTJ gives no shits about offending others, unless it causes trouble for them personally, and doesn't feel the least bad about being honest - I mean if you're really stupid, then they'll say it. INFJs though...even when I'm starting to despise the unreliability and irrational nature of Fe (still better than Fi, which is both irrational and amazingly selfish), it still makes me feel a little guilty for calling someone stupid.
So the difference identified here is that INTJs are righteous and harsh, while INFJs are calculating and soft. Problem. Softness is something that I have found to be extremely unrewarding.
"Oh, I won't ever want to be selfish, because that is against who I am." BULLSHIT. The biggest lump of bullshit that an INFJ can say. Since when did we start preaching INFP's stubborn believes in authenticity? The truth is that INFJs would prefer not to be selfish, but we are more realistic than any of the NF (Idealists), and we recognise that sometimes, for the greater good that we foresee, there must be sacrifices made. That is why we are Ni-dominant. Ni gives foresight so that our kindness and sacrifice is actually useful towards a greater cause. On the other hand, INFPs are the type to just sacrifice themselves because "I will never be selfish" and then neglect the far-reaching consequences of that action. Same for the rest of the NFs, though ENFJs technically should fair better, unless the Ni is grossly underdeveloped, or Fe is so overwhelming that they just go super protagonistic thinking with everything.
Yes. I am someone who has not seen many good things in my own life. It's not that things have never went well for me. It's that things that have went bad are things so crucial that they should never go badly. The ability to just stand there and take the world's beating is still intact, but the will isn't there. INFJs are quite logical, being the most left-brain inclined of the Idealists, with the ability to overdevelop their Ti. I am one such person. I've learnt that even if I can endure it, even if I can always get the short end of the stick and not break down completely, it's not worth it. If it isn't going to contribute towards the larger good, it's not worth the effort. Softness, thus, is a quality that INFJs probably come equipped with, but can easily lose if life is harsh or cruel, such that they lose faith in being overly empathetic and kind.
What you get then is something like me. I have become quite harsh, especially towards emotions. I was already brought up by parents who are both against expressing emotions. My mother is an ISTP, so it comes with her personality to lead with Ti. My dad, as I have concluded recently, is an INFP who was brought up in an environment that resulted in him hating his dominant function, Fi. Then, in a last-ditch effort to retain my faith in having emotional commitments, I made a massive mistake that ended up with me devoted an inproportionate amount of myself. I can say, with absolute certainty, and not even feeling bad (which is a goddamn surprise), that I regret and hate what has happened and there is nothing positive about it at all. I trusted in the most despicable kind of person.
-----
What is despicable to me? Not someone who is selfish and aware of it. I respect people's choices when it comes to being selfish or not, because either can contribute to humanity's development. What I hate the most, the kind of person I hate the most, is someone who is so obviously selfish, but so despicably fake. Someone who is so convinced that he is so selfless, but everything he has ever done screams selfish. So many times did I have to use the excuse, "Oh, maybe he just isn't aware of what he is doing." Well, if all the excuses were valid, then he must be exceedingly stupid then! I mean, how can you claim to be selfless and be completely oblivious to how and why you are so detested by some people? These people, in fact, are such nice people that they often put up with all kinds of personality that I can't even put up with. Yet, of all the people in the world, they find you the most intolerable and disgusting? Yeah, and you say you are selfless. I'm sorry, selflessness comes hand-in-hand with awareness of surroundings and of self. You sully the reputation of ENFJs and I really want to know another ENFJ to prove to myself that they aren't all a bunch fucked up people who think themselves heroes but are the most despicable humans alive.
Hell, when an INTJ can see the hurt more obviously than an ENFJ, you know there's something very fucked up about that ENFJ. OH, you can sense the emotions of people around you? Here, take a look at your tertiary function - Se. That thing is situationally aware too, but that one isn't aware of the specifics of what is happening. You say you know the dynamics of people in our class, but that is because you have immersed yourself in their company for a long time. That is Se, not Fe. Fe works such that the moment you enter into a certain unknown company, you get a good estimate of what's going on. My goodness. This is hilarious. An ENFJ with a poorly developed Fe, completely non-existent Ni, mistaking a information gatherer such as a the shallow Se for deep Fe, and then being very Ti. That makes dominant Se, inferior Ti, ESTP...OMG, I HATE THAT TYPE.
How is it that I just figured it out now? Probably because I'm desperate to think about MBTI after almost 9 hours of Math.
-----
If I use that logic in the chunk above, my rejection of Fe, along with the remaining Ni, Ti and Se, makes me rather similar to INTJs. The difference is Te and Ti, which are the righteous and calculating factors.
This is a great summary of how the INFJ-INTJ dynamic works. In fact, even before this particular male INTJ I know now, almost all my girl friends were INTJs. My best friend in Sec 1 and Sec 2, as well as the one for Sec 3 and Sec 4, they were both INTJs. My entire "gang", in fact, in Sec 4, was...63.6% INTJs. That's amazing. It just means that I know how to get along with INTJs and I am comfortable around INTJs. They are cold people and extroverts may not like their type much, but I think INTJs are pretty easy to understand, after you figure our what triggers them and appeals to them.
I do love INTJs a lot. I may say that they feel cold and unfriendly and stuff like that, but I really admire and appreciate their existence. I mean, I do think all the NT (rationals) are a gift to humanity because, hell, humanity would be really stupid and backwards without them. Whenever I get too emotional, telling an INTJ doesn't comfort me, but comfort is not what INFJs seek. We keep things to ourselves, so if we seek others, we don't want you to tell us it's "okay", because if it is, we already know it is. We want solid advice. We want you to smack us in the face with reality and make us realise how stupid we are being. Both INTJ and ENTP are amazing at that, especially towards INFJ. INTJ, because they are naturally rational. ENTP, because they are quite blunt and straightforward.
But I found out that INTJs do like it when INFJs express emotions too. Well, not exactly "express". They still don't like it, or understand it, when you go crying at them or being too emotional. That's why INFJs make great friends with INTJs because they often reign back their emotions and try to rationalise it. The other NFs, either don't realise it or avoid it. INFJs will not back down until they figure out the logical reasoning behind why they are feeling a certain way. And that, I have been told by my INTJ friend, is what he appreciate a lot in me. He appreciates my effort to reduce the emotions in my conversations with him and enjoys it when I try to involve him in rationalising situations. And really, INFJs, being quite curious and wanting to know the specifics of things, are very entertained too. I feel like conversations with INTJs are mentally taxing and quite enjoyable, not to mention they are rather quick-witted, though traditionally not as much as ENTPs.
In fact, while ENFPs are best matches for male INFJs and ENTPs are best matches for female INFJs, INTJs are listed as an interesting possibility for both. It is a sort of dynamic, whether the INFJ is Ti-inclined enough to appeal to the INTJ's rationality, whether the INTJ's ability to try and understand emotions is enough for the INFJ. The fact that we both share Ni-dom and Se-inf means that in working together, this is an absolutely awesome combination. In times of conflict, they will resort to the same stress relievers. In times of cooperation, they both look in the same direction. It's probably how most people can jumble up their middle functions in their developing years (below 25 years old) that INFJs can be mistaken for INTJs. But funnily enough, INTJs are never mistaken for INFJs.
Since INTJs are the stars for this post, here are some things that define them:
So this thing I'm reading says that for every corrupt ENTJ-controlled regime, there lies an opposing INFJ-led underground rebellion. And ironically enough, the right-hand man of the INFJ is an INTJ and the right-hand man of the ENTJ is an ENFJ.
For the: INTJ: The ENTJ actually sounds more logical and rational, but the INFJ is less boring to work with. Besides the ENTJ, the corrupt regime doesn't contain any other intellectually competent types, as far as the INTJ is concerned, and the ENTJ is way too self-absorbed to converse with the INTJ. The INFJ, despite his tendency to become emotional at times, is surprisingly, an intellectually superior being capable of keeping up with and even surprising the INTJ. What's the harm of participating the the INFJ's cute little rebellion (the INTJ happens to think that the INFJ is just an angry little kitty)?
ENFJ: The ENFJ is actually quite discontent with the way ENTJ is doing things, but unlike the INFJ, he doesn't have half as much a rebellious or revolutionary streak in him. He is far more worried and concerned about destroying what little peace there remains to be and unlike the INFJ, he doesn't support the "all or nothing" notion the introvert is going for. The ENFJ would very much rather effect change from within, serving as the right-hand man of ENTJ, trying to influence the regime's politics as much as they can. Whether it's effective is another story. Most ENFJs, despite their charisma, cannot compete with the more powerful and even more charismatic ENTJ and just become another pawn in the ENTJ's game.
ENTJ: He actually doesn't hate INFJ half as much as you think. He even admires the INFJ's daringness and capability of challenging him. The ENTJ would be lying if he claims to not notice the ENFJ's presence and the ENFJ's silent little rebellion, which brings out the INFJ's daring nature even more. "Now, if only we were on the same side" - the ENTJ would think, because INFJ would make an amazing partner to work with. Sadly, INFJs and ENTJs are always standing on the opposite sides of the fence. Also, ENTJs have an eye out for the INTJ...why is he there when he agrees with me? Is the INFJ actually superior? The threatened ENTJ goes into a more aggressive state.
INFJ: The ENTJ is a lost cause. The INFJ would rather effect change with as little chaos as possible, but the ENTJ is a stubborn and self-absorbed soul, the embodiment of whatever is wrong with the entire regime. The only way to correct the distortions of what could be a beautiful world is to overthrow the ENTJ and subject him to INFJ-style brainwashing. The INFJ admires the ENTJ as much as the ENTJ admires him, but because they lead opposing forces, they can never converge. The INFJ is also more than aware of the INTJ's neutral stance in the entire conflict, but appreciates his intellectual company, that provides the INFJ with insightful and fresh views on the entire event. Upon the first face-to-face meeting with the ENTJ, the INFJ probably also noticed the bastard's right-hand man, who seems to be a misfit. The ENFJ certainly caught the INFJ's eye, but upon further conversation, is dismissed as a coward with potential but unwilling to utilise it.
Now, for an insightful study on INFJ and their relationships with types that only differ by a single letter:
1. E-I Differences (ENFJ and INFJ) ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti INFJ: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se (a) Ni-Fe vs Fe-Ni
For amateurs of the MBTI system, to have 2 functions reversed is no big deal, but as someone who has read up extensively about how functions work, I will tell you bluntly that, it makes a huge difference. The important thing to note is that auxiliary functions and dominant functions play vastly different roles in a person's personality. (i) The Dominant Function
A person's dominant function develops so early and so naturally in their lifetime that most believe that they are "born with it". For the ENFJs, they are born with their Fe (like the ESFJ), or their ability to care about others and be concerned about those around them. For the INFJs, they are born with their Ni (like the INTJ), or their ability to foresee and predict the future based on little or no physical evidence. (ii) The Auxiliary Function
The auxiliary function is developed later in childhood in an attempt for a person to balance out their dominant function. An extroverted dominant function is paired with an introverted one and vice versa. This ensures that the individual will have an equally enriching outer life as compared to their already rich inner life (introverts) or vice versa (extroverts). For the ENFJ, they develop Ni in order to gain better insight into people's actions without direct prying, allowing their Fe to become more effective, i.e. care for other's better. For the INFJ, their Fe develops to feed information into their Ni, i.e. through caring for others, they understand human nature better.
It is very different, as you can see. INFJs are actually much colder and more detached, as introverts should be. INFJs care in order to understand, ENFJs understand in order to care. But when an INFJ and ENFJ are placed together, it may seem like they are the same person if their auxiliary functions are well-developed. The INFJ's well-developed Fe may overtake their objective need to understand human's, making them compassionate beings. The ENFJ's well-developed Ni may take the facade of the INFJ's almost psychic-like ability to predict the future.
What differentiates them, therefore, is their base state, i.e. their personality when their auxiliary functions are ignored. It is actually quite observable, since ENFJs are more prone to directly asking a person how they feel, while INFJs are more prone to silent observation. By dominant functions, ENFJ's Fe leads them to answer the question "How are you? How can I help?" while INFJ's Ni leads them to answering "What will it become? What role do I play?"
(b) Ti-Se vs Se-Ti
Once again, a reversal of functions makes two people very very different. (i) The Tertiary Function
Where the auxiliary function aims to balance out the dominant function, the tertiary function enriches and deepens the dominant function. Thus, an introverted dominant function has an introverted tertiary function and vice versa. The tertiary function's role in a person's personality is to give them more depth to their dominant function. The INFJ's Ti function is a function that enables silent contemplation with rational and logical processes, enriching the Ni function, which is more "gut feeling". INFJs are intellectual precisely because they are the type to silently and carefully contemplate their Ni with their Ti, forming theories and beliefs that seem intellectually superior to that of other types (except INTJ [explained later]). The ENFJ's Se function is a function that grounds the ENFJ to their external surroundings. The INFJ detaches from the external world and that is one primary flaw of the INFJ. ENFJs do not have this problem because they are always more consciously aware of those around them as opposed to being aware of themselves. Se is a function that enriches human interaction on the surface level, allowing the ENFJ to be more social than the INFJ can ever be.
(ii) The Inferior Function
The inferior function is also a stress function, i.e. the function you turn to when stressed. For the INFJ, their inferior function is Se, thus leading to a habit of the INFJ to turn towards alcohol, sex and any other physical stimulation when stressed. It is actually quite easy to understand why. With the combination of Ni and Ti, with Fe serving as the only mechanism to balance out both, INFJs are not self-absorbed, per se, but just very detached from the external world. Fe feels emotions and INFJs thus see the external world as a bunch of emotions that can wear down and push them further into social withdrawal. Se fishes them out of it, it distracts them from their messy inner world. When INFJs drink, smoke, have casual sex or inflict self-harm, the goal is to create a physical stimulation great enough to silence everything in their minds. ENFJs conversely, turn to Ti, which in an unhealthy state, makes the ENFJ extremely rigid in their views. They become closed off from outside opinion, believing that their views are the best. This is in contrast with the INFJ because ENFJs are feeling too pressured by the outer world. Many ENFJs never reach this state, probably because the ENFJ's flaw lies in being too unaware of themselves.
It makes them very different. INFJs, when stressed, become very social and indulge in very unhealthy activities, which they will eventually regret and then drive them even further into stress. It is easy for the INFJ to spiral out of hand and what the INFJs need to do is to get in touch with their Ni and be reminded of their overarching goals in life. ENFJs, when stressed, become so rigid and so uncompromising that it probably takes a knock to their heads to remind them that "Hey, you are hurting others. You'll regret it". INFJ's corresponding knock in the head goes something like "Hey, this isn't you. You'll regret it".
(c) Similarities
Hey, but INFJs and ENFJs are the most compatible type when it comes to growth because each will teach the other how to develop their auxiliary functions. ENFJs teach INFJs how to communicate their Ni; INFJs teach ENFJs how to add more depth to their thoughts and beliefs. E-I pairing are meant to be very compatible towards emotional growth and maturity.
2. N-S Differences (INFJ and ISFJ) INFJ: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se ISFJ: Si-Fe-Ti-Ne (a) Dominant Functions and Perception of the World
To have opposing dominant functions makes 2 people polar opposites. Si is a function that trusts evidence from the past - what is proven to be good, to be right. Ni is a function that trusts flashes of intuition, with no evidence whatsoever. They are functions that directly oppose each other and thus, ISFJs and INFJs, while able to be best of friends due to matching auxiliary and tertiary functions, are usually unable to comprehend each other's world views. Ni gives the INFJ a lofty outlook towards life - ambitious, grand, unrealistic, humanitarian. Si makes the ISFJ cautious, pragmatic, family-oriented and realistic.
(b) Inferior Functions
While the inferior functions are opposing, the unique correlation between INFJ and ISFJ makes them very good friends in dark times. Se is allowed to transition back to Ni in the INFJ through the careful reigning back by Si. Si helps the INFJ to draw back from the extroversion of their Se to have time to reconsider and re-evaluate in private. Similarly, Ne, a function that when unhealthy, causing flitting and unstable mental states, is balanced by the Ni. Ne is a function that generates many possibility from one thing, Ni is a function that takes many things and forms an intricate pattern or theory. Ni thus holds back Ne and allowed ISFJ to take a step back and regain their hold onto what is trusted and tried - Si.
(c)Similarities
While Si-Ti doesn't work half as well as Ni-Ti, because Si-Ti allows processing of what is tried and tested instead of what is new and unknown, it still gives the INFJ and ISFJ a compatibility that is quite rare. However, this may be one-sided (I know from experience) because while the INFJ will be interested in listening to the ISFJ talk about the tried and tested, the ISFJ will most likely dismiss the INFJ's Ni-Ti as ridiculous and unrealistic nonsense. It is far too theoretical and Si is not meant for theory-formation. Fe ensures that the friendship is maintained because both will consciously (auxiliary) ensure that harmony is kept between them.
3. T-F Differences (INTJ and INFJ) INTJ: Ni-Te-Fi-Se INFJ: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se (a) Different Paths
INTJs and INFJs are an exception to the T-F rule in general, because of the rarity of Ni-dom and the connection it brings. Both are born with the ability of foresight and as children, are the quiet kind of kid who rarely says anything but when they do, they blow adults' minds. However, when the time came to develop their auxiliary functions, the two are like the same people who chose different paths. INTJs and INFJs are basically carved from the same stone, but moulded to different purposes.
Te is theoretical, rational and concerned with how the world works in a more scientific manner. Why do people cry to the INTJ is a question of what combination of chemicals makes this happen?Fe is concerned with human relations and interactions, caring for people emotionally. Why do people cry to the INFJ is instead a question of what is wrong that causes people to be upset? INTJs and INFJs chose different areas to use their Ni - INTJs want to understand the physical world around them, INFJs want to understand the people and their relationships.
Nonetheless, when INTJ and INFJ come together, there is an immediately attraction, not in the romantic sense or anything, but the feeling of an Ni-dom intuitively sensing the presence of another Ni-dom. INFJs are perhaps more prone to it, since Fe makes them more conscious of humans, but there is an Ni-dom connection that is a rarity in the MBTI sphere. It is not INFJs that are rare, it is Ni-dom that is. That is why INFJs and INTJs are the two rarest MBTI types.
(b) Intellectual Superiority
INFJs, as much as they would deny it, are as caught up in intellectual pursuit as the INTJs are. INTJs are less subtle about this - they look down on those who are deemed to be not as competent. INFJs will never openly admit it, but they refrain from holding certain conversations with people they deem to be less competent. It's not that they think you are stupid, it's just that they understand that not everyone has the time to have such depth to their thoughts and beliefs, and thus, conversations with such people tend to be quite dull.
In fact, as an INFJ myself, I can say that no other type besides the INTJ has given me as much intellectual stimulation. INFJs and INTJs alike have very insightful and fresh views about the world that initially seem bizarre, but are actually very well thought out. This is attributed to the similarity between Ni-Ti and Ni-Te. In fact, Ni-dom with a tertiary Ti acts almost the same way as Ni-Te dom-aux. It's just that for the INTJ, they do not have an Fe in the way that makes INFJs so much more emotional and warm. In fact, an INFJ with severely underdeveloped Fe cannot be differentiated from an INTJ.
So, if you aren't an INTJ/INFJ and you try to say something you think is creative and insightful to an INTJ/INFJ, don't be surprised if they raise an eyebrow and say "You've just thought of that now? I was thinking about that the moment I was born!" Let's face it. INTJ's motto in life is that "Boredom is a disease of the intellectual mind unable to find an equal." It's INFJ's motto as well, but you know, they don't want to hurt your feelings?
4. J-P Differences (INFJ and INFP) INFJ: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te
Honestly, there is not a single function that we share. J-P is the most misguiding difference in MBTI. It's just one letter, yes, but it makes it such that not a single function is shared. I think this article says it better than I ever could...or could ever bother to:
(i) Different Driver Processes
The Driver process can also be called the "dominant cognitive function." It's the mind's first point of contact and the primary lens through which everything gets filtered.
For an INFJ, this dominant process is technically called Ni, but we've nicknamed it "Perspectives". Perspectives is a learning function (technically called a "perceiving function), and works by watching one's own mind form patterns. After years of use, eventually Perspectives begins to see the "pattern of the patterns" and understands that what is happening inside themselves cognitively is also happening for other people.
INFPs, on the other hand, lead with a process called Fi, which we call "Authenticity". Authenticity is a decision-making function (technically a "judging function") and works by being deeply in touch with how one is emotionally impacted by events. Decisions are made by "checking in" to ensure that they are in alignment with one's values and identity. There is a saying that the more personal something is, the more universal it is. Over time, Authenticity understands that they aren't alone in their feelings. They are simply more aware of them than other types.
Already, there's a major difference in how these two types see the world.
INFJs are leading with an intuitive, learning process and INFPs are leading with a feeling, decision-making process.
For many INFPs, it may be surprising to learn that they lead with a decision-making process, since decisions can be gruelling for this type. Although Authenticity is truly decision-making, it is the slowest of the four decision-making processes (the other three being Effectiveness [Te], Accuracy [Ti] and Harmony [Fe]). Authenticity needs to be able to register how something is feeling viscerally, and often an INFP won't know the right decision to make until they've made it. It's especially confusing when the Authenticity user can see a case for almost anything, so what's true for them has to be carefully parsed out.
Each decision and its subsequent emotional impact is catalogued, however, and future decisions become easier and faster. In fact, being so in touch with the emotional fall-out of a decision is how Authenticity eventually creates conviction, knowing in one's "bones" the rightness of something.
INFJs can also have trouble making decisions, but not for the same reason. Their decision-making process -- technically called Fe that we've nicknamed "Harmony" -- is faster than Authenticity, but secondary for them.
That is, they lead with Perspectives and Harmony is an auxiliary process. Effort is required to develop the secondary process (that we call the "Co-Pilot") and so when an INFJ finds themselves indecisive, it's because they're spending too much time in their Driver of Perspectives and not enough in their Co-Pilot of Harmony.
The result may look the same -- indecisiveness -- but the root is entirely different.
For an INFP, because their decision-making process can take time, it can feel gruelling to be pressured to make a quick call. Each decision needs to be in alignment with the INFP's values and even a decision as simple as what salad to order can be a frustration if, say, their relationship with food has become part of how they define themselves.
On the other hand, since INFJs are more removed from their decision-making process of Harmony, it's usually over time that they become frustrated with the inability to make a final call. They are less likely to agonise over smaller decisions because not every decision is a reflection of their identity.
(ii) Emotional Significance
As mentioned, an INFJ's decision-making criteria comes from their auxiliary or Co-Pilot process Harmony. Harmony is technically called Fe, in contrast with INFP's Driver process of Fi (Authenticity).
Which "attitude" (or direction) the process faces once again shifts focus in a significant way. Both Feeling functions are decision-making. That is, they are mental processes designed to help us evaluate information in order to come to a judgement. Any time you "weigh the pros and cons" of a decision, you're using a decision-making process, and what ends up standing out as important to you is based on which process you're using.
We nicknamed Fe "Harmony" because we think it adequately describes the criteria this process is utilising. The Harmony person might ask themselves something like..."What get's everyone needs met?" "How do I create harmony both within interpersonal relationships and the context/environment?" In order to know the "right" choice, other people's emotions become the most interesting piece of information. They're ultimately the feedback mechanism needed to determine a decision was the right one, because it's their emotions that tell you if their needs are getting met and/or if they're experiencing any form of conflict.
On the other hand, Fe is nicknamed "Authenticity" because it's about the individual's emotional experience. It's about checking in with one's own emotions to determine if an action is the "right" one.
Is Authenticity more selfish than Harmony?
There is some confusion around whether or not Authenticity is "selfish" or "self-centred" in comparison to Harmony. While immature Authenticity can be quite self-indulgent, mature Authenticity is vital for a healthy society. Authenticity is where we experience integrity, the part of us that says it's conscionable to offend our own values. The only way to 1) know one's values and 2) stay true to them is to spend time deep-diving into one's own conscience and subjective emotional experience [I protest. Values are meant to be universal - selflessness and sacrifice - they are universally good, independent of emotional experiences]. On the other hand, Harmony when immature looks more like emotional manipulation and social bullying, while mature Harmony makes sure all of our needs are understood and taken care of.
If offending others is more offending than offending yourself, you are more likely using Harmony. And if you're willing to be a total pariah in behalf of your convictions, you're more likely using Authenticity. However, some INFJs, accustomed to being misunderstood and feeling like an "outcast" will sometimes identify with the concept of being true to oneself over "society" and identify with this aspect of INFPs.
But instead of seeing it as a variation of being true to oneself, it's more helpful to see it as "serving other's needs first in order to get your own needs met" (Harmony) vs "honouring one's own experience first in order to honour other's experience" (Authenticity).
(iii) "Absorbing" and "Mirroring"
This may be the biggest confusion between the two types. It's definitely the source of endless internet battles for supremacy of "who's the most empathetic type." Both INFJs and INFPs have an almost magical ability to understand the emotional human experience. The way they go about it, though, is very different.
I once heard a description for "empathy" as "Your pain in my heart." For an INFJ, this couldn't be more true. INFJs absorb other people's emotional energy, whether they want to or not. If it's powerful and there -- friend or foe, intimate or stranger -- your pain is in their heart. The combination of Perspectives (getting into other's heads) and Harmony (having other people's emotions on their radar all the time) seems to converge into this superpower (absorbing emotions), a gift I'd venture to say most INFJs would trade away if they could (Well, for a day...before they start missing their sixth sense).
INFPs, on the other hand, are masters at understanding the emotions themselves. As mentioned before, sometimes Authenticity doesn't know the right decision until it's already been made, and to compensate for this INFPs become consummate role-players. They can manufacture an emotional experience in order to test out what it would feel like, giving them more content to go on at game time.
Since Authenticity is their Diver process, this ability becomes unconscious competence for INFPs and they may not even register when they're doing it. This is why Authenticity Drivers (INFPs and ISFPs) are easily the greatest actors and performers of all the types. Putting on a new emotion can be as easy as swapping jackets. When in the presence of another person's strong emotion, it's not that the INFP is absorbing it, they're mirroring it. Since this is exceptionally easy for them to do, it's usually a surprise to discover that other people can't come close to this ability.
The nuance of their ability to mirror another person's emotional experience can feel like absorbing since it's so spot on. But, remember -- this isn't another person's emotion in the INFP's heart. This is years and years of the INFP mapping emotions within themselves and finding the closest proximity to what the other person is experiencing.
Again, the more personal an experience the more universal, and no one understands this as well as the INFP. "What is the exact feeling I'd be feeling if I were you?" is the Authenticity version of INFJ's "Your pain in my heart."
If an INFP appears to be constantly self-referencing, it's because they are. They understand you based on understanding themselves. To self-reference is to enable more rewarding interpersonal experiences, though our culture can generate a societal distaste for self-referencing.
Perhaps, the easiest way to understand the difference in these two styles (INFJ absorbing vs INFP mirroring) is their relationship to time.
To absorb another's emotion, both the INFJ and the other person (who is emoting) have to be together in real time. This isn't post-processing emotional experience, it's an emotion hitting the INFJ due to energetic proximity.
For an INFP, it's about finding the emotion the other is -- was -- or will be experiencing within themselves. The emotion can be bound through time via works of art, literature, journals and any/every other way we as people express our emotions [I would be good at understanding bullshit poems if I were an INFP? I know they are emotional and all, but I can't exactly pinpoint what it is I'm getting half the time.]
(iv) Being understood vs Being validated
Both the INFJ and INFP personality types run into the problem of feeling misunderstood.
For INFJs, the Perspectives process gives them an insight into other people that is unmatched, and it can be disconcerting to realise other people don't have the same superpower. The result is a lot of one-sided relationships. On top of that, the Perspectives process is itself quite mysterious to other people. Both INxJ types (INFJs and INTJs) learn to keep their speculations to themselves. "Just knowing" stuff feels like precognition to others and can make them uncomfortable.
INFPs face feeling misunderstood because no one could possibly know them as well as they know themselves. The Authenticity process is a deep pool of nuanced self-awareness, and it's truly impossible to communicate all the variety within themselves to another person. If you peel back the layers, however, it's not that INFPs have a challenge in being fully misunderstood. If anyone else every actually "fully" understood them, that would actually be a bad sign [WHAT?] -- it would mean that the INFP had lost some of their individuality or that they're dangerously close to being too similar to other people.
Authenticity uses "intent" as one of its primary calibrations for whether or not a decision is right, for both themselves and for others. Oftentimes, when an INFP gets sensitive or defensive, it's because they think their intent is being called into question. When INFPs feel marginalised, they can also feel others insinuating a bad move.
When an INFP feels "misunderstood", it could be more accurately states that they feel marginalised, discounted and believe others are questioning their motives. The antidote to this isn't "understanding" them better. Most INFPs would say no one could ever truly understand them, anyway. The real antidote is validating their process of making decisions. As in: "I don't have to agree with you, I don't have to know why you believe or feel the way you do, but when I tell you that you have every right to feel the way you do, make decisions based on those feelings and I trust that you have positive intent." If you can sincerely communicate that to an INFP, they will love you forever.
INFJs aren't nearly as invested in others believing they have good motive [Ah but if it effects good results, doesn't matter if you initially thought badly of me - is what I think]. They are far more likely to be tuned into the motives and motivations of others to give a lot of thought about whether the person believes the INFJ has a positive intent. Where an INFP can lose awareness of other people if they're really excited by an topic, INFJs can never lose awareness of other people [I mean, I do what I do to help others...if I lose track of them, what am I fighting for?]
In fact, that's why INFJs generally need more alone time than INFPs (not always, but usually). The only real distance INFJs get from other people is when they're truly physically alone and this is generally used tor recharge their batteries for the next trip into the outer world [So if I refuse to leave the house, don't make me. I want to be alone.]
INFJs are far less interested in validation and are more interested in protection. They don't need you to agree with them, they need to know you're not going to hurt them, even if the fear of hurt is deeply unconscious [I...I don't know. Is this reflected in my naturally suspicious personality?]
There are some INFPs that have experienced trauma in the past and fear being hurt by others, but that's more a product of wounding than anything intrinsic. The most protected, well-treated INFJ on the planet is still going to have something inside them scanning for people who would be deliberately hurtful.
(v) Persuasion and Leading
INFJs, using the Perspectives process, often solve problems and persuade others by offering alternative perspectives. In fact, they generally solve problems by shifting perspectives until the solution become clear. They offer these shifts to others as "a-ha" moments [Wow, I actually unconsciously do this. Advice from me often comes from me giving a different way of seeing the problem, like how the other party may see it, thus leading them to understanding what it is that is wrong (I don't know usually. The answer is within themselves.)]
INFPs, using the Authenticity process, are more masters of emotional Aikido. Since they understand how emotions flow within the self, they can use this to redirect the emotional energy in another person, getting them to feel what they want them to feel [What? I don't get it.]
Both are powerfully persuasive tactics and both types are represented in famous spiritual leaders. And while each can utilise the other's talent, it seems there's a strong preference for INFJs to bring "insight" and INFPs to bring "inspiration".
Elder Scrolls Music Break (i) TES III: Morrowind (or Skyrim Dragonborn DLC) 1. Morrowind Theme (Call of Magic/Nerevar Rising)
Lore: Nerevarine is the legitimate reincarnation of the hero Indoril Nerevar as well as the player character and protagonist of Morrowind. The Daedric Prince, Azura, revered by the Dunmer (dark elves) proclaimed that Nerevar would be reincarnated to right the wrongs in Nirn (the mortal fold).
2. Morrowind OST/Skyrim DLC OST: Peaceful Waters
3. Morrowind OST/Skyrim DLC OST: The Road Most Travelled
4. Morrowind OST/Skyrim DLC OST: Silt Sunrise
5. Morrowind OST/Skyrim DLC OST: Blessing of Vivec
Lore: Vivec, Warrior-Poet deity of the Dunmer and "vi" in the Almsivi, was the Guardian God-King of the holy land of Vvardenfell, and ever-vigilant protector from the dark gods of the Red Mountain, the gate to hell. He honourably guided and protected the Dunmer for thousands of years until his loss of divinity and disappearance at the end of the Third Era, a sacrifice he not only accepted but helped to bring about. Following his disappearance and the collapse of the Tribunal Temple, he was renamed Saint Vivec by the New Temple and declared a member of the False Tribunal.
(ii) TES IV: Oblivion 1. Oblivion Theme: Reign of the Septims
Lore: The Septim Dynasty was founded by the legendary Talos, who took the Cyrodilic name of Tiber Septim and later established the Third Empire of Tamriel in 2E 897 after decades of conquest, thus marking the end of the Second Era and the advent of the Third Era. The dynasty fell in Oblivion, following the onset of the Oblivion Crisis in 3E 433 when Emperor Uriel Septim VII and his heirs were assassinated by the Mythic Dawn, a cult worshipping the Daedric Prince Mehrunes Dagon. The last Septim heir, Martin Septim, was located, but sacrificed himself to repel the Daedra and seal Mundus off from Oblivion forever, marking the end of the Third Era.
2. Oblivion OST: Harvest Dawn
3. Oblivion OST: Wings of Kynareth
Lore: Kynareth, called Kyne by the Nords and Kin by the Kothringi, is a goddess of the Nine Divinces. She is the strongest of the Sky spirits and is the deity of the heavens, the winds, the elements and the unseen spirits of the air. Patron of sailors and travellers, Kynareth is invoked for auspicious stars at birth and for good fortune in daily life. Some say she is the first to agree to Lorkhan's plan to invent the mortal plane, and provides the space for its creation in the void.
4. Oblivion OST: Glory of Cyrodiil
5. Oblivion OST: Peace of Akatosh
Lore: Akatosh, known as Auri-El to the Aldmer and Bormahu (Father) to the draongs, is the chief deity of the Nine Divines. He is present in every Tamrielic religion except that of the Dunmer. His avatar is a dragon, and he is often called the Dragon God of Time. He is generally considered to be the first of the Gods to form in the Beginning Place; after his establishment, other spirits found the process of being easier and various pantheons of the world emerged. He embodies the qualities of endurance, invincibility and everlasting legitimacy while promoting the virtues of duty, service and obedience.
(iii) TES V: Skyrim 1. Skyrim Theme: Dragonborn
Dragonborn: A Dragonborn (or Dovahkiin) is a mortal blessed with Dragon Blood by Akatosh, the Father of Dragons and chief of the Divines. Those with the blessing have an extraordinary aptitude in the use of the thu'um, being able to absorb knowledge of shouts directly from the souls of slain dragons. This ability nreeds fear and hatred in dragons, as the removal of their souls severs their immortality and renders them beyond the reach fo any necromancy. The title is most often associated with the "Dragonborn Emperors" of Tamriel, who are in a divine covenant with Akatosh which maintains the barriers between Mundus and Oblivion (Oblivion Crisis of 3E 433 was triggered because the Dragonfires died out with the death of Uriel Septim, weakening the barriers for Mehrunes Dagon to invade Mundus).
2. Skyrim OST: Sovngarde
Lore: Sovngarde is the Nordic afterlife. Those who are valiant in life are rewarded with an eternity here in the Hall of Valor, where they eat, drink, drawl and sing. Sovngarde is a realm within Aetherius to which valiant Nords go upon death, with the exception of any Nords afflicted with lycanthropy. Werewolves do not go to Sovngarde upon their deaths as their souls belong to the Daedric Lord Hircine and reside within his realm in Oblivion and join the great hunt.
3. Skyrim OST: Dragonslayer (Battle Music vs Dragons)
Lore: Dragons or dov are a rarely-seen race of large reptilian beasts. They are rumoured to be from Akavir (which literally means Dragon Land) though there are ancient tales of dragons also coming from Atmora. As the immortal children of Akatosh, they are specially attuned to the flow of time and they feel an innate urge to dominate others that is difficult to overcome. In the mind of a dragon, being powerful and being right are the same, thus they make no distinction between speaking and fighting; battles between them are actually deadly verbal debates (e.g. Fire Breath is made of 3 words in the dragon language - Yol (Fire), Toor (Inferno) and Shul (Sun). They are just speaking to each other).
MBTI Stuff, like finally, right? 1. Idealists on Deviantart ENFP
Mood: Silly
Watching: INTJs in their natural habitat: the lab! How fascinating!
Reading: MBTI safari guidebook
Listening to: whatever sounds there are I guess
Eating: Rainbows
Drinking: Rainbows
Playing: Chess with the INTJs! I won!
INFP
Mood: Inspired
Watching: TV shows that give me the feels
Reading: books that gives me the feels
Listening to: Birds singing their songs as they live their lives in this strange but beautiful world
Eating: Dragonfruit! I feel mystical.
Drinking: Honey, nature's finest
Playing: With my dog!
INFJ
Mood: Affected by the current atmosphere
Watching: Mystery shows
Reading: The Magic 8 Ball my friends gave to me as a joke when I told them I'm an INFJ
Listening to: Stories that people tell me
Eating: Mystery-flavoured candy (I'm curious what the most common flavour is, besides mystery)
Drinking: Mystery-flavoured soda, like I didn't even know these existed
Playing: Clue. I'm not psychic. I just really like mysteries.
ENFJ
Mood: Affected by the current atmosphere
Watching: The changes in energy of the crowd
Reading: People Magazine (my friends gave it to me as a joke because they claim I am good at reading "people")
Listening to: The white noise of conversations
Eating: Fortune cookies with my friends and comparing our fortunes
Drinking: Fruit Punch
Playing: Super Smash Bros with my friends...or bros...I guess
2. Because I'm Ready to Give Snarky Comments
(i) Tell them you're smitten by their mind.
Why, thank you? Now, let's figure out whether I've smite you with my mind because a) you are too incompetent yourself, or b) you are actually intelligent enough to be interesting. I'll take a bet that it's a) because, really, no other types besides INTJ has ever interested me with their intelligence...and INTJs are very insensitive, so that undermines their intellectual attractiveness. Like I've said before, it's not a good idea to present an idea to an INFJ and expect her to act like she's never heard about it before...chances are, she either doesn't care or she has already considered it years ago.
(ii) Skip the small talk, they're an ocean. Please leave the shore.
Or, you could stay on the shore because I sure as hell did not allow you to tread into the ocean. By chances are, if you remain on the shore long enough, I'm either going to forcefully evacuate you or draw you into the ocean, so well, you can remain standing there.
(iii) If they say "I want to be alone", leave them alone.
Yes, because if I want to be left alone, do not blame me if I decide to make dinner out of your corpse if you disturb me. I am very cranky and very quick to anger when I'm trying to have personal time and get disturbed.
(iv) If they say "I feel lonely", hug them.
Bitch, do it. Just because I'm glaring at you as if I'm threatening to kill you doesn't mean I don't want a hug. I want a hug, give me a goddamn hug. I'm lonely. I want a hug. But I sure as hell won't say it out loud. Not on my goddamn life.
(v) When they tell you they don't want to go out because they're "sick", know that they're lying and let them know they don't have to.
Thank you. Now, you can fuck off too...or...I could get a hug, please? And maybe...just stay here, you know...
(vi) Leave the party hand-in-hand when they get overwhelmed.
Frigging just hold me, okay? I'm freaked out by the amount of noise and people inside.
(vii) Listen hard for the growl of their spirit so muted anyone could miss it.
You mean which growl?
3. This Video Because I'm Lazy
Holy shit, bro. It's disconcerting when you reveal so much about us at once. Shush.
