Yes, so I'm on Tumblr again, reading MBTI stuff because it takes away 0.1% of the pain. I seriously just want to take Panadol and sleeping pills and wake up 3 days later when the pain is gone. I swear I'm in such a bad mood I feel like suffocating anyone that gets within a 2m radius yet I want a hug too. Fucking female hormones. Calm down.
1. Some INFJ Things
"Here's something important about INFJs: we don't take personal relationships lightly. We don't form bonds easily with other people. This isn't because we're naturally paranoid or suspicious or untrusting -- it's because we don't want to give our love to anyone who isn't worth it. We're careful shoppers too. It might take us weeks or months or years, but if we decide that someone is worth our time, we cling on for as long as they'll let us."
Yes, suspicion and insecurity is actually not part of the INFJ personality. Those are qualities we adopt later on in life and it's more common in INFJs because we are probably one of the most sensitive types, debatably second, after INFP. Our trust is hard to come by and when we trust, it's almost like an obsession in the sense that we are willing to devote entirely to that relationship, because we know that such relationships are hard to come across.
"INFJs generally don't form a lot of close relationships over a lifetime and it's not because we're snobbish or conceited (even though we are highly selective) -- on the contrary, we're relatively humble creatures -- but because we value our love and loyalty more than other types. Love is a precious thing, but no more so than to the INFJ. For us, love requires an enormous output of energy because we will fall all over ourselves to make our beloved happy. Be they friend or romantic partner, once attached, we will quite literally give them the shirt off our back if they desire it. You cannot ask for a more devoted, more loyal friend or partner than the INFJ. What's more we are happy to be this way. We're happy to put so much energy into those we love because we find it rewarding; seeing them happy and safe provides us with the greatest sense of fulfilment and warmth we will ever experience in our lives. And if our loved ones are threatened or in trouble? Their enemies are our enemies, and believe me, you do not want to be on the bad side of an INFJ. The good news is that it takes a lot to fall from an INFJ's good graces, as we're very forgiving unless the betrayal is very deep."
Sigh, why does this person have to lump so many points into one paragraph? I am a very selective person with friendship and relationships in general, but it isn't that I hate people, it's just that I think that people who don't "get me" won't be able to tolerate my quirkiness. I would become a burden to them with no benefits to make up for it. And yes, INFJs fall into relationships slowly but intensely. We are afraid to fall, but if we think it's worth it, we plunge so deep that we may drown ourselves. It's a quality that gets us hurt a lot, but I don't think any INFJ would regret it in the end. Still, the part about enemies..."enemy" is a subjective term. If I think someone did something to hurt someone I care about, if they didn't do it intentionally and can be made to change for the better, then they are a project to be worked on, not an enemy. An enemy is someone who has done wrong intentionally and does not find the need to repent.
"Of course, there's a massive downside to this. Nobody likes to be let down or rejected, but the INFJ will take it harder than anyone else. To reject their love, or treat it as a triviality or even a lie (and to an INFJ each of these are equally painful) is to cut them to their core. You cannot hurt an INFJ more deeply. We value honestly and integrity and will naturally take deep offence it it's suggested that our love -- our precious gift -- is meaningless or phony or trivial.
I think, yes, they are all equally painful, but our reactions differ. To be rejected in love, but not have it trivialised leaves us with a bittersweet feeling and a defeated kind of mindset (but of course we are still very stubborn people and will stick around if our company is requested). But to trivialise or mock that love we offer...if you don't find yourself dead in your sleep, it's a bloody miracle. Still, if an INFJ is stupid enough to offer love to someone who cannot appreciate it, your intuition is really broken and you need to re-evaluate the company you surround yourself with. I generally think that INFJs will eventually take the blame for their own heartbreak because it was our fault in misjudgement.
"We do not need to be coddled; in fact, we will resent it if you do. You may have to be gentle with us (sensitive souls that we are), but we do want the truth. And we need to know that what we've chosen to give you is recognised for the gift it is. Our love and loyalty are precious because we hold it in such high regard; if you don't consider it the treasure it is, I suggest you gently extract yourself from your INFJ's life. It's okay, they'll get over it, as long as you do not waste their time or lead them on. If you have an INFJ in your life close to you (tell-tale signs are that they willingly talk to you more than once a week and are open about personal matters), don't take them for granted. Trust me, they're not just being nice; INFJs don't do prolonged niceness, and they don't fake affection or friendships. They will not compliment you on something or tell you they like you unless they 100% believe it to be true. Remember that and don't brush it off. INFJs are rare and INFJs as friends are even rarer."
It's not as easy as the posts say because most people don't under what it means to "extract yourself". You do it completely and entirely. You can't give INFJ that shit where you are half-in half-out, talk to them one day and ignore them the other. You have to choose one or the other or we'll just never get over it. Mixed signals are frustrating and confusing, especially if the INFJ does have prior experience in dealing with similar situations because their Ni and Se will be in so much conflict. Their Se say "Hey, if another person acted in the same way as he/she does, it's quite clear that the message is ____." and Ni is all like "No, I think this is an exception."
2. INFJ vs ENFP/ENFJ
3. I Know I've Posted This Before but Whatever
I don't think I just snap mentally, I think I snap in every dimension a person can snap. And the first time my perfectionist visions shattered was at a very young age when my idealisation of the concept of family collapsed around me. It was a terrifying period of time because INFJs cannot live without a cause. It was like my entire life has lost its purpose, because I often dreamt about how I would earn a lot and give my parents a happily ever after after reconciling their problems. It took me years to find another cause and I don't even know whether I've found it yet. It isn't as solid as that first dream.
I don't like sharing my burdens with others, that's something that's very clear. I will hold everyone's burdens but I don't want to share my own. I want to know everyone's pain and help them through it, but I want to keep mine to myself. Of course, I know that isn't sustainable in the long run, but if I can avoid telling people, I will. People are not obliged to hold my burdens but I have given myself the obligations to hold theirs. I think that's a nice way to live. So even if I do end up sharing, I regret it, not because I'm afraid of things being revealed, but because I could have dampened someone else's mood.
Come on, even to the closest and most trusted people, I probably only tell 1/100 of the things burdening me. It's a dilemma that most NFs face, I think, but I'll just speak for INFJs. If we don't trust, then it's not right for us to burden. If we trust, then we don't want to hurt and so we won't burden. So in the end, even those we tell a lot to rarely know the whole story. People can come close, but it's never close enough that we don't have anything left to tell. In fact, some things that we hide may seem crucial, but because INFJs dislike unpleasantness, if swallowing down an emotion or a situation can help reduce the chance of conflict or hurt, we will do it.
Okay, I think for me, I sound like a scholar in my head, a normal person when I write and an absolute idiot when I talk. It doesn't help that, at home, I am surrounded by people who aren't exactly proficient in the language. The communication in my family is horrible, not just because of language, but because both my parents are very individualistic and reserved people who are not very good with emotions. I taught myself the language, basically, because I enjoyed venturing out of the house randomly as a kid and just listening to people talk.
When I am in deep thought, I am extremely distracted. I can multitask only for things that don't take that much brain power, like studying or casual gaming. If I'm thinking about some important concept that I'm trying to wrap my brain around, I have been known to walk into a door that is obviously closed, trip over absolutely nothing or bang into people. I try to be more conscious, but that makes my thoughts slower and more jumbled up. I'm absolutely horrible at switching between mental reflexes and physical reflexes. Probably why I like PE so much because it fully distracts me from my thoughts.
4. Music Break! Vocaloid Version
a) Ai no Scenario (Honeyworks)
That plot twist! I didn't see it coming because Honeyworks isn't known for its plot-twists. You go to the Heavenly Yard albums for that. Honeyworks is all about those cute and light-hearted romance stuff. I do love this one a lot though...probably because the protagonist is a red-head. In Shoujos, red-head = hot-blooded, scatterbrained, genuine, sincere, protective. I dislike the hot-blooded types in Shounen, but I like them in Shoujos, I don't know why. The plot twist comes in around the 3min mark I think. And then he becomes blonde in the other timeline?! Please, this guy wins "My Favourite Character" for Honeyworks. Not to mention he is probably like every girl's idealisation of a boyfriend. Also, this song is surprisingly not that boring for a Honeyworks song.
b) Ima Suki ni Naru (Honeyworks)
This song makes me very frustrated. It's just horrible timing and terrible situations. Poor Koyuki-kun gets rejected and in his sorrow rejects Hina. And Hina's brother is the reason Koyuki got rejected because the girl Koyuki likes is Hina's brother's girlfriend. Wow, complicated much. Still, I think Hina and Koyuki are really cute? Also, that boy who looked jealous...I think he's supposed to be the brother of the other girl. That's like...super confusing.
c) Seven Crimes and Punishments (Evillious Chronicles conclusion)
If you're particularly daft, the order of the sins go like this: Lust, Gluttony, Pride, (Chorus), Sloth, Envy, Greed, (Chorus), Wrath. The story of the entire Evillious Chronicles is very interesting and very long, beginning with the story's own Adam and Eve. The evil twins who are their children are said to be the ones who awakened the seven sins. I'm not even entirely done with the whole series, but for the seven sins themselves, this is what happened *Spoilers*:
Lust (Vocaloid: Gakupo): Lust is a man named Duke Venomania who was born ugly and shunned by people. He made a deal with the devil (by killing his family) to have irresistibly good looks and creates a harem in his own house. His demise comes when one day, a man dressed as a woman enters his mansion seeking his wife, who had gone missing. Lust gets stabbed and at the moment of his death, as his spell on the women break, he watches as the one girl he loves leave the mansion. His final words are "Wait, my childhood friend. I haven't told you yet that I love you."
Tagline: Now, let's dance.
Song: Duke Venomania's Madness
Gluttony (Vocaloid: Meiko): Gluttony is a woman named Lady Conchita. Her story, as reflected by the song, is relatively simple, but the back story is not. However, I'm just doing all these by the songs only. Basically Lady Conchita is possessed by Gluttony, so much so that her appetite becomes increasingly more bizarre. She starts eating weird dishes, and then the plates themselves and then poison. One day, her lover, who is also her chef, asks to retire and instead of letting him leave, she eats him instead. After gaining a taste for human flesh, she ends up eating every single one of her servants in the mansion. Left to nothing else to eat, Conchita gazes upon herself in the mirror, seeing the image of Gluttony reflected back. In her last moments, she take her last meal, which is herself.
Tagline: Now, make sure there's nothing left.
Song: Evil Food Eater Conchita
Pride (Vocaloid: Rin): This is one of those really long ones. Pride is a young princess of a Kingdom whose corruption leads to her demise. The injustice she has done to her people and neighbouring countries led to the invasion and destruction of her Kingdom. However, at the moment of deciding her death, her servant, whose vocaloid is Ren (aka, if anyone knows, they are the Kagamine twins) disguises himself as her so that she may escape. Many other songs that follow this series shows how she comes to regret her actions and genuinely wish that Ren would return. She is eventually killed, but awakes in a new life to meet Ren again.
Tagline: Now, bow to me!
Song: Daughter of Evil
Sloth (Vocaloid: Miku): Miku, Miku, Miku. Everyone's favourite Hatsune Miku. Really, I like Luka and Gumi more, but that's just me. Miku is a princess, who is being married off to a rich doctor. When they were younger, the two had met before and fell in love, but as they aged, only the princess remembers him and he had forgotten about her. Miku, pained and frustrated by her husband's playboy behaviour, still cares a lot about him. His job and life makes him tired, too tired for her, and one day, she comes across a witch that offers her a "medicine" that helps him to "sleep". Unknowing, she gives the medicine to him and notices that he is indeed able to rest. At this point, her mind is already too screwed up to realise that it's poison and she had killed him. She takes on the persona of Sloth by offering the same medicine to people who are tired and wanting of rest, offering them an eternal slumber. Her punishment? She is the only one who cannot sleep.
Tagline: Now, sleep.
Song: Gift from the Princess who Brought Sleep (Belphegor's Gift)
Envy (Vocaloid: Luka): Why does Luka always get the creepy Yandere parts? She's good at it and the moment I saw her scissors, I knew where the song was going. I knew it! I frigging knew it! Envy is a poor tailor's girl who lives a humble life with a humble job. Her only regret, as she states, is that her lover is not loyal and never comes home. Yeah, strange. Throughout the song, she notices him with other girls. First, she sees him with a woman in a red kimono and suddenly, at the end of the verse, she has a red kimono. Next comes another woman with a green scarf and yes, she ends up with a greens scarf. There is no explicit mention until the end that she had killed all these women and the feeling of envy had made her so desensitised to it, all she comments is "There is another killing today." It's very very creepy. I hate it. But why envy and not jealousy? Because at the end of the song, it is revealed that the man isn't her lover at all. In fact, he doesn't even know her. She slaughtered his entire family, including his daughter. That is an extreme level of creepy, not to mention she repeats that one line in every verse "Who is that woman beside him?". Stalker!
Tagline: Now, it's time for work.
Song: The Tailor Shop on Enbizaka
Greed (Vocaloid: Kaito): This one is tied to Wrath. The main character of the song is a lawyer, Gallerian Marlon, who is known for being corrupt. He can be easily be bribed and his excuse is that he has a "daughter" who cannot walk. As revealed in Wrath's story afterwards, that daughter is already dead and he is clinging onto a doll to replace her. In fact, Wrath is his other daughter that he has chosen to deny. His famous line is "Money is the best lawyer in hell". His death comes when a corrupt judgement leads to his house being burnt down. It is revealed later that Wrath is the one who started the fire. In this song, he saw Wrath as the keeper of Hell as she is the one who eventually passes judgement. Wrath offers that if he repents for his sin by giving up all his money, she will let him live. This proved his point that "Money is the best lawyer in hell" and instead of repenting, jumps into the fire.
Tagline: Now, let the trial begin.
Song: Judgement of Corruption
Wrath (Vocaloid: Gumi): I love Wrath's song, because she is perhaps the one sin that I can perhaps sympathise with a little. Her story comes in two parts, The Last Revolver as the prelude. In the prelude, she talks about having to kill her lover. Hired by Gallerian, her mission is to kill a certain man, but because of his kindness, she falls in love with him. For an entire year, the two were together and became an actual couple. The most sentimental part, I suppose, that made me cry were the lyrics "If I/you could go back and fix it, I hope we can go see the fireworks together again, ok?". As she points her gun to her lover with tears in her eyes, he tells her it's ok and forgives her. After her job is done, she tries to kill herself with the same gun, but fails. That leads up to Wrath's actual song, confronting Gallerian and giving the choice to repent for his sins. Wrath shows a moment of mercy and in that moment, it is revealed that she is Gallerian's other daughter. Gallerian had abandoned her and her mother for another woman and daughter. It's impressive though, that Wrath showed a moment of allowing him to repent and letting him go.
Tagline: Now, repent!
Song: Muzzle of Nemesis
5. INFJ Conflicts
6. INFJ and Extroversion
Days?! Days?! I don't even think I can last for hours without human interaction! What is the point of having so many thoughts in my head and no one to talk to? How am I supposed to care for others and not be a burden if the only things that's alive around me is this bloody fish (okay, I'm sorry, I love you too, fish, but you can't talk). I swear the moment this A Level thing is done, I'll be volunteering everywhere and anywhere, because I no longer have to be concerned about school hours. I'll pick up a new hobby here, meet new people, go to new places, touch new lives. Of course, I won't abandon the ones now, but you know, the fact that I'm extremely bored right now means I really need human interaction.
I really need human interaction, right now. So I'm going to do the exact opposite and lock myself in my room to study, hopefully not kill myself or lose my soul in the process.
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