Still, I wasn't exactly wrong when I said that I'm a lonely person. It could just be an innate quality of mine, the kind of personality I possess and the resonance it has with the people around me...the resulting loneliness is an inevitable one. I have read that it is the supposed fate of all INFx because we are inherently rare and our inability to be as open as our Extroverted cousins, ENFx, makes us the saddest kind of lonely.
It seemed appropriate to insert that video right there. Like I've said before, I'm starting to have a thing for Christina Perri's songs. This song - "The Lonely" - reflects in its lyrics and its very tune the feeling of loneliness. I'm not an INFP, so I'm probably not as good as describing the exact emotions presented in the tune, but I would call it a combination of darkness and tranquility. The tune is quite foreboding, a little scary, but it is beautiful all the same. Must like loneliness is...to an Introvert at least. It is when I am alone that I am able to recover from the interactions in daily life that tire me out, yet it is the time I feel the most overwhelmed by my own thoughts.
Hey, but that isn't the point of this post. I was going to write about the profile of an INFJ. I'll leave this whole topic of loneliness for another day, a day when I don't have work piled up that I inevitably have to do. I can delay it forever, but it's Thursday, I might as well get it done today and bottle up my depressive thoughts for tomorrow. Oh wait...there's Shakespeare in the Park tomorrow night...I guess I'll figure something out.
INFJ Personality Profile
"The INFJ personality type is among the rarest of the 16 types, constituting only 1-2% of the general population. Unlike the INTJ personality type, in which males predominate, there is a greater gender parity among INFJs, with nearly equal numbers of males and females."
"INFJs are "old souls". Many grow up feeling wiser than would be predicted by their chronological age. Having discovered the value of their Introverted Intuition (Ni) quite early in life, INFJs grow to trust its judgements and insights. Even as children and adolescents, INFJs can be found advising and counselling their friends and siblings, and perhaps even adult family members. They tend to be happiest and most fulfilled when helping and enlightening others through their insights."
Yet, I think that it is because of this habit that has caused me to start doubting my Ni as well. I have counselled a lot of people as a child and that extends to my parents as well. However, when you have an ISTP clashing with an INTP in your house, it's never that easy. Neither is willing to listen to the other and are comfortable pretending that things are alright. My Ni doesn't help at all. As much as I can feel their frustration and annoyance, pain and suffering, it doesn't allow me insight into how exactly I'm supposed to go about it. Even if it does, it hasn't ever succeeded.
"Because of their strength of intuition (and commensurate detachment from physical reality), many INFJs report feeling like aliens in the world. One INFJ described her experience as "a perpetyal sense of deja vu." Others report feelings of disembodiment. The fact is that many INFJs (and INTJs) seem to experience the world and their bodies quite differently than other types do. It is therefore not uncommon for INFJs to question their own sanity."
In fact, right now, I'm starting to think that I'm just pure insane and there's something wrong with my mind. I keep thinking that what I read in people is correct, and more often than not, I find out in the end that I am indeed correct. Yet, at this age, everybody is hiding something so deeply that I often times, I think that I'm seeing things. I can also predict actions of people, which makes it seem like deja vu...it's almost as if I know what is going to happen. Not the exact timing, mind you, but I know when the urge for action becomes strong in another person.
"INFJs see two people in everyone. They see the public persona, the outer shell, which everyone else sees. But more importantly, their Ni provides a deeper sense or impression of people, penetrating appearances and revealing hidden motives and intentions. Consequently, INFJs often feel they can see people more clearly than those people can see themselves."
Which further serves to make me question my sanity. I can be almost 100% positive, at least intuitively, that a certain has a certain kind of underlying personality, but because he/she hides it so deep, sometimes I think I'm just imagining things...or maybe I'm idealising things. Maybe a person is truly as horrible as they seem on the outside. Maybe they really are as shallow as they seem.
"To fully understand INFJs, it is necessary to recognise the full implications of their dominant function, Ni, being a Perceiving function. Namely, INFJs are far less serious inwardly than they appear outwardly (ENFJs, whose dominant function is a Judging function, are characteristically more serious). INFJs' inner world is well-described as playful, imagination, colourful, mischievous and daring. They love playing with ideas, perspectives, theories, images, symbols and metaphors."
I don't know how many people actually think I'm a serious person. In fact, I tend to make myself seem quite laid-back and clumsy, but that image is so painfully superficial that I think even a 100% S person can tell that it's fake. Yet, on the inside, I'm not as serious as that façade might suggest...I am quite laid-back, I do like art incredibly so...and most of all, I love creating theories in my mind which I toy with whenever I am bored (and when my mind is quiet).
"INFJs also enjoy listening to music, watching movies and television and engaging with people. Perhaps more than anything, they love spending time engrossed in meaningful conversation, which allows them to simultaneously engage their Ni and auxiliary Fe functions. Talking affords INFJs the opportunity to help and enlighten others through their insights. And because of their loquaciousness, INFJs may at times be mistaken for Extroverts."
Note - meaningful conversation. Not gossip (celebrity or not), not superficialities. Those things bore me...they are necessary, but they bore me. Often, I find myself repulsed from a person, after a while, if they fail to engage in meaningful conversations with me. I think it's most apparent at our age, because people are either too insecure about their personal issues or are still too emotionally immature to admit that they have issues. I'm not just saying this on a hunch, in fact, I do have a list of people...in my head...who are grouped into those two categories. I can't blame them, I mean, I belong in the former group myself.
"Like the INFP personality type, INFJs can struggle with depression. This may stem from feeling chronically unheard, useless, or misunderstood, as well as from dissatisfaction with the INFJ's careers or the INFJ's relationships. Because Ni perceives the world so differently and profoundly, INFJs often experience a sense of loneliness and isolation, even when they are with other people. Depression may also arise from feelings that their ideals and insights are not being recognised or actualised in the world. They may see the world as deaf to, or unconcerned with, the truths they espouse. INFJs may therefore question their value in a world that seems indifferent to their insights."
Right. On every single account. I struggle from depression, yes. I feel unheard, useless and misunderstood, yes. My career sucks, I have absolutely no relationship to speak of. I don't think I matter in the world and obviously, the world will continue even if I'm dead. My counsel is wholly unneeded. But hey, that's really a downer. In some masochistic way, I thought myself unique for feeling so utter alone and useless...but now it seems as if I'm just following the INFJ trend. How disappointing.
INFJ Relationships
"INFJs are outwardly warm and engaging. Due to their extroversion of Feeling (Fe), they can readily ingratiate themselves to others. And while forming quick friendships and extensive connections may be the goal for some extroverts, for INFJs, this is not the point at all. Rather, INFJs seek high quality, in-depth relationships. In their friends, as well as their romantic partners, they seek intelligence (both intellectual and emotional), honestly, openness and authenticity. Their ideal partner would take seriously the issue of personal growth and development -- moral, spiritual, emotional and psychological."
I would like to tell this writer to stop reading me like a book, but I understand that this is the INFJ stereotype. I am certainly not outwardly warm and engaging, but I know the reason for that. In fact, if that one incident didn't repeat itself three times over across five years of my life, I could still be the very friendly little girl I used to be. Now, I'm just generally suspicious of everyone, though...it guilts me to feel that way. I want to believe that everyone is inherently good and simply finding their way there...but my insecurities are far more overpowering. But yes, those are the qualities I seek, and in my opinion, I can't understand why you would seek anything else. A person who is intellectually capable, but lacks no emotional capacity makes me fulfill the phrase...pardon my French..."vagina drying up faster than the goddamn Sahara desert". Can't exactly remember where the quote came from but it's probably a pretty vulgar movie. These kind of qualities I seek come naturally to me...to seek anything else would be absurd really.
"Despite their status as introverts, there is little INFJs value more than quality conversation. They relish the chance to share their wisdom, theories, and insights. Unfortunately, they often find that most people (especially S types) fail to fully comprehend or appreciate their theories and insights. This can leave INFJs feeling like there is no ready outlet for their wisdom and that no one really understands their essential worth or value. So if and when they happen upon a like-minded individual, one who values and eagerly partakes in the INFJs' inner life, it can feel like a godsend. The title of David Keirsley's book, Please Understand Me, aptly expresses what INFJs seek in relationships."
Yet, I love to surround myself with S types. It's like I'm trying to commit intellectual suicide or something. I understand that it's not that they are stupid, or I'm crazy, but simply that Ss find it hard to understand Ns and vice versa. They think I'm sprouting nonsense and I think they aren't listening. I do have people around me who are N as well, yes, but they are not as close, really. Also, most of them are extroverts...so they tend to come across as quite suspicious to me. That ENFJ over there, this ENTP over here and another ENFP I met yesterday. One is too intrusive, the other a little too passive and the last one...a little too happy-go-lucky. I mean it's weird...ENFP and INFJ are supposed to match...but would you like to tone down on that optimism for a bit and listen? Oh well, not like I plan to meet again anyway.
"INFJs commonly report feeling misunderstood. Considering their status as the rarest of all personality types, this comes as little surprise. There are numerous misunderstandings about INFJs that could potentially hamper their dating and relational success."
Yay, joy. I'm so looking forward to this section right here. Please, spill more salt on me.
"A common assumption among males is that all females have similar perspectives on romance. This is particularly off the mark with respect to female INFJs. "Canned romance", such as receiving a bouquet of flowers every year come Valentine's Day, is apt to mean little to INFJs, who are quick to differentiate between the "real and authentic" from the "fake and contrived". For INFJs, romance is cultivated on a daily basis through open communication and authentic action. What is done on special occasions is merely icing on the cake. Take away the cake, however, and the icing is meaningless."
Oh my, finally someone who understands! If someone is going to ignore me every other day and not talk to me, and then flash out some expensive gift on Valentines' or my birthday or some other day that calls for presents, I will...inwardly...tell them to shove it up their ass. Okay, if it's birthday or Valentines' or stuff like that, I will most likely still accept it, but I will mirror their shallowness. What's the obvious indication? If I get a present and express overwhelmingly fake enthusiasm, it means that I want you to take the gift and shove it back up where it came from, because it is literal shit...no matter how expensive. Also, I have actually told a guy, back in P6, to stick the bouquet of roses up his ass because like the writer said "take away the cake...and the icing is meaningless." Sadly, this also means that I am less likely to join the other person in the blissful illusion of a happy relationship and end up getting myself hurt instead.
"Another common misunderstanding is that INFJs are controlling or close-minded. This typically stems from INFJ's tendency to extrovert Judging (Fe). But as I've described elsewhere, IJs are often better understood as Perceivers because their dominant function (e.g. Ni) is a Perceiving function. In actuality, INFJs, especially those further along in their type development, are surprisingly adaptable and open-minded. While rarely wearing their openness on their sleeves, as ENFPs are prone to doing, INFJs can be surprisingly unique or less conventional relational practices."
I know I come across as a rather private person...and thus the close-mindedness. But really, if anyone were to randomly approach me with a weird idea...please, go ahead, I'm dying to have a meaningful conversation with a person, for once, and not my bloody wall.
"Nor is it the case that INFJs are overly controlling, or even want to be in control, in their relationships. As dominant Perceivers, they are generally healthiest when they allow life to come to them. Many INFJs have discovered that if they take it upon themselves to act and directly control outcomes, bad results often ensue. For INFJs, "action" can be understood as a direct employment of their inferior function (Se). And as I've discussed elsewhere, overt or direct employment of the inferior often produces undesirable outcomes. All of this is to say that optimal role of INFJs in a relationship is generally a more receptive one, using their Ni and Fe to understand and interpret the world rather than trying to control it."
Yes, I agree, to an extremely huge extent. The few times I've actually tried to drive a relationship a certain way, it ended up in disaster. I've learnt that "what will happen, will happen" and if not, "it won't happen even if you tried". That said, INFJs are typically attracted to passive people. Yup, let me just give up on this whole notion of getting a relationship because none of my ships are going anywhere.
"Yet another misunderstanding is the claim that INFJs "read into things that are not there" or "make mountains out of molehills." Such accurations can be troubling for INFJs, since reading into things a la their Ni is what they are born to do. In most cases, such accusations derive not from any wrongdoing on the part of the INFJ, but from the assumptions or ego sensitivities of their partners. For instance, by saying things like "Are you okay?" or "You don't seem yourself today", INFJs are trying to gather more information in order to better understand their partner. Unfortunately, their partner may interpret these as judgements or critiques, inciting a defensive response. If such exchanges were to occur regularly and without rectification, the INFJ might begin to introvert her feelings and doubt her own intuition, a sure recipe for personal and relational disaster."
Yay and the disaster is already upon me! I would sure love to ask someone how their day is, because they certainly don't look fine...but what do I know? Apparently I'm always wrong...though I don't feel like I'm wrong. If I think that a relationship between two people is strained, it most likely is. I mean, last year, I did point out that this one guy looked as if his relationship with my friend ended...yeah, I was damn right.
"As I've discussed elsewhere, one area in which INFJs may conflict with NPs is lifestyle. Since NPs use Si, they tend ot be more fiscally conservative (especially NFPs) and less entranced by "the finer things in life." INFJs may balk at what they see as the frugal, second-hand shopping ways of some NPs. They may also crave more outer seriousness than NPs are inclined to display, especially in what the INFJ considers a serious moment or discussion; excessive silliness can be off-putting to INFJs."
If I want to purchase that $250 per container Earl Gray, you'd better not accuse me of spending too much. It is a good investment on an excellent product and you need to learn to enjoy fine tea. Stop drinking that terrible sewer water and join me in engaging in finer living. Also, stop joking around, I'm trying to be serious here. If you don't want a foot up your ass, stop laughing, it's not a joke.
"Generally speaking, INFJs are ill-matched with Sensing types. As dominant Intuitives, INFJs live in a world of abstractions mediated by concepts and language. Since S types, especially SP types (ESTPs, ESFPs, ISTPs, ISFPs), prefer to relate through concrete action or activities, INFJs may struggle to find a common N denominator. While ISTJs and ISFJs can be somewhat more abstract in their ideation, INFJs may struggle with their deference to certain traditions or conventions."
Yes...I've noticed. I do not enjoy the company of S types as much...but I am a friend and there's certain value I attach to friendship.
"Pairing with other NJ types can be a hit or miss affair for INFJs. Putting any two J-types together can seem a lot like opposing the positive poles of two magnets. When opposing J forces collide, relationships can be intense and fiery. This may be one reason that J-J pairings seem relatively uncommon. Moreover, if INFJs try to pair with INTJs or ENTJs, different conferred by their Fe-Ti and Fi-Te function pairs may further the likelihood of disagreements and misunderstandings."
You are damn right. I've had this argument with an INTJ a few weeks ago and I'm not even a little bit guilty of the harsh treatment I'm exacting. I don't see myself as being in the wrong and he certainly does not either. Furthermore, INTJs aren't exactly that enticing anyway so I certainly don't miss the companionship that I hesitated to classify as friendship in the first place.
"On the rare occasion that INFJs happen upon and pair with another INFJ, there can certainly be grounds for attraction and intimacy. But because INFJs are among the least practical of all types, at times even oblivious to S matters, this pairing could prove difficult once children, money, or other logistical factors enter the picture."
In other words, if you have 2 INFJs doing something, you'll have better luck praying to the Gods for a billion gold than for us to finish the job.
"INFJs may also discover quick rapport and chemistry with ENFJs, who share all the INFJ's preferred functions. Once potential drawback, however, could involve ENFJ's tendency to project their own dominant Judging preference onto INFJs, expecting them to be more "productive" or proactive than they might naturally prefer. This could lead them to put even greater pressure on themselves, which is sure to bring relational trouble. But if circumstances were favourable and both partners were adequately self-aware, there is no reason that INFJ-ENFJ relationships could not be successful."
How about the stars just aren't freaking aligned on any day of any calender month for the next two millenniums? That could be a reason, couldn't it? In the end, I'm probably going to go find myself an ENFP, deal with his optimistic bullshit...or opt out of this ridiculous nonsense altogether.
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