That's a story for another day though.
When I had mistyped myself as an INFP, I had found researching that particular MBTI type to be utterly fascinating. INFPs are rare, idealistic and have their heads up in the clouds, making them one of the most curious types to know. Still, I had mistyped myself, because unlike the INFP, I am not incapable of taking concrete steps towards my dreams. I know the kind of determination, drive and talent I am capable of having, crippled only by the self-doubt that is a culmination of family pressures.
Note that things in brackets are my own opinions.
The INFJ Personality Type 
1. Overview of INFJ, the "Counsellors"
The INFP personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As Diplomats (NF), they have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart if the accompanying Judging (J) trait -- INFJs are not idle dreams, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realise their goals and make a lasting positive impact.
INFJs tend to see helping others as their purpose in life, but while people of this personality type can be found engaging rescue efforts and doing charity work, their real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people need not be rescued.
Help Me Help You
INFJs indeed share a very unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain -- INFJs will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to INFJs, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.
INFJs find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and facts (Yeah, well. I can't exactly do that in the circumstances I find myself in). It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extroverted types, but they would all do well to remember that INFJs need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. INFJs take great care of other's feelings, and they expect the favour to be returned -- sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days.
Live to Fight Another Day
Really though, it is most important for INFJs to remember to take care of themselves (That's selfish though, isn't it? Since I am part of this world, I should prioritise it). The passion of their convictions is perfectly capable of carrying them past their breaking point and if their zeal get out of hand, they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy and stressed. This becomes especially apparent when INFJs find themselves up against conflict and criticism - their sensitivity forces them to do everything they can to evade these seemingly personal attacks, but when circumstances are unavoidable, they can fight back in highly irrational, unhelpful ways.
To INFJs, the world is a place full of inequity (I don't know what you mean by "to INFJs", because it is indeed full of inequity) -- but it doesn't have to be (Exactly. If everyone could be a little more accepting, a little more forgiving and a little less selfish). No other personality is better suited to create a movement to right a wrong (...I would think our Extroverted counterparts are better suited...or better equipped), no matter how big or small. INFJs just need to remember that while they're busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves, too (only when it gets out of hand).
2. Strengths and Weakness of the INFJ
INFJ Strengths
a) Creative - Combining a vivid imagination with a strong sense of compassion, INFJs use their creativity to resolve not technical challenges, but human ones. People with the INFJ personality type enjoy finding the perfect solution for someone they care about, and this strength makes them excellent counsellors and advisers.
b) Insightful - Seeing through dishonesty and disingenuous motives, INFJs step past manipulation and sales tactics and into a more honest discussion (and hence, if you want me to call you out on your bullshit, I have them listed in my mind...it just takes a little persuasion because you know...even if I hate you, I don't want to hurt your feelings). INFJs see how people and events are connected, and are able to use that insight to get to the heart of the matter.
c) Inspiring and Convincing - Speaking in human terms, not technical, INFJs have a fluid, inspirational writing style that appeals to the inner idealist in their audience (Really?). INFJs can even be astonishingly good orators, speaking with warmth and passion, if they are proud of what they are speaking of (Note "If they are proud of what they are speaking of").
d) Decisive - Their creativity, insight and inspiration are able to have a real impact on the world, as INFJs are able to follow through their ideas with conviction, willpower, and the planning necessary to see complex projects through to the end. INFJs, don't just see the way things ought to be, they act on those insights. (But sadly enough, in the school phase of things, people are often too conforming. Funnily enough, I find greater support and camaraderie for my "movements" in people who are not in my school and those older than me. Those people are really a joy to speak to.)
e) Determined and Passionate - When INFJs come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even their friends and loved ones off guard (like when I argued with my dad about being a vet...but was ultimately unsuccessful because my dad is way too pragmatic and stubborn). INFJs will rock the boat if they have to, something not everyone likes to see, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of their personality (that's why if I have to settle for a job that makes me turn my back on my beliefs, I'd rather die...or find an alternative...that's more productive).
f) Altruistic - These strengths are used for good. INFJs have strong beliefs and take the actions that they do not because they are trying to advance themselves, but because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.
INFJ Weaknesses
a) Sensitive - When someone challenges or criticises INFJ's principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the INFJ personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict, and questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.
b) Extremely Private - INFJs tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because INFJs are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives, using this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends (definitely guilty of this). Trusting a new friend can be even more challenging for INFJs.
c) Perfectionistic - INFJs are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible -- in politics, in business, in romance -- and INFJs too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road (well, clinging on like a maggot clearly didn't work the one time I tried...so what is your point?).
d) Always Need to Have a Cause - INFJs get so caught up in the passion of their pursuits that any of the cumbersome administrative or maintenance work that comes between them (aka homework) and the ideal they see on the horizon is deeply unwelcome. INFJs like to know that they are taking concrete steps towards their goals, and if routine tasks feel like they are getting in the way, or worse yet, there is no goal at all, they will feel restless and disappointed (and from experience, an INFJ who has lost her cause can easily sink into depression and a loss of purpose in life. Everything I do seems meaningless...like why should I bother if this isn't going to create something better?).
e) Can Burn Out Easily - Their passion, poor patience for routine maintenance (same homework again and again...tell me, how effective is this exactly? Am I getting closer to where I want to be? No.), tendency to present themselves as an ideal, and extremely privacy tend to leave INFJs with few options for letting off steam (I literally have none...but the wall and the pillow). People with this personality type are likely to exhaust themselves in short order if they don't find a way to balance their ideals with the realities of day-to-day living.
3. Romantics Relations and the INFJ
When it comes to romantic relationships, INFJs take the process of finding a partner seriously. Not ones for casual encounters (So how do you know if an INFJ has snapped from loneliness? When she is so desperate for company that she's just trying everybody), people with the INFJ personality type instead look for depth and meaning in their relationships (if you can't find the depth, then what?). INFJs will take the time necessary to find someone they truly connect with (but I suppose my intuition failed me) -- once they've found that someone, their relationships will reach a level of depth and sincerity that most people can only dream of.
(At this point, I need a pause. All of these have to do with healthy INFJs, who are not suicidal and depressed. I have reached a point where I'm doubting my ability to judge people, at least when it comes to situations involving myself. INFJs are supposed to be the best out of the 16 MBTIs at sensing attractions between 2 people, but apparently, in my case, it is dysfunctional when it comes to relationships involving myself...it works fine for other people, at least for the past I-don't-know-how-long. Many examples, really, like that one time in Sec 3 when my friend first met a guy and I knew something was going to happen. Yup, they've been together for 4 years now. But apparently when I use intuition on anything to do with me, it fails...I still have a hunch that I'm not exactly wrong...but there's no way to prove myself right.)
Fun fact: Carl Jung is an INFJ
Getting to that point can sometimes be a challenge for potential partners, especially if they are the impatient type, as INFJs are often perfectionistic and picky. People with this personality type aren't easily talked into something they don't want, and if someone doesn't pick up on that, it's a trespass that is unlikely to be forgiven, particularly in the early stages of dating (Recall 4 years ago: stages he called "dating" and no, it's still friendship...I never agreed). Even worse is if a suitor tries to resort to manipulation or lying, as INFJs will see right through it, and if there's anything they have a poor tolerance for in a relationship, it is inauthenticity (that's right...if you lie about yourself intentionally, out you go).
Is This For Real?
One of the things INFJs find most important is establishing genuine, deep connections with people they care about.
INFJs will go out of their way to seek out people who share their desire for authenticity, and out of their way to avoid those who don't, especially when looking for a partner. All that being said, INFJs often have a the advantage of desirability -- they are warm, friendly, caring and insightful (if they haven't been tainted into cynicism by the world), seeing past façades and the obvious to understand others' thoughts and emotions (what did I say? Apparently mine is dysfunctional).
INFJs are enthusiastic in their relationships, and there is a sense of wisdom behind their spontaneity, allowing them to pleasantly surprise their partners again and again. INFJs aren't afraid to show their love, and they feel it unconditionally, creating a depth to the relationship that can hardly be described in conventional terms. Relationships with INFJs are not for the uncommitted or the shallow (One day I will find someone...I think).
When it comes to intimacy, INFJs look for a connection that goes beyond the physical, embracing the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partner. People with the INFJ personality type are passionate partners, and see intimacy as a way to express their love and to make their partners happy. INFJs cherish not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person, in mind, body and soul (HAHAHAHA, and I'm never going to know how that feels, I suppose).
That's me!
4. Random Stuff!
Seriously, I'm not even angry that people are talking about things like fashion or celebrity gossip -- I'm just honestly confused. I don't see the appeal, I don't understand the appeal. It seems a little brainless to me, no offence, because a trend is just a trend, it will die down; a gossip is not even 100% true and it doesn't matter if it is. On the other hand, by trying to understand others, you build a deep connection and that is as permanent as most things go in life. Still the "How are you?" question is a little stupid to ask nowadays, since people aren't exactly comfortable telling you things out of the blue. You need to set the mood, set the stage and allow the other person to be comfortable.
One by one:
Mentally snaps when perfectionist visions do not transcend into reality.
That is why my brain is currently a mess of broken wires because too many things have snapped. I'm just begging for one thing to turn out right, just one bloody thing. Preferably in the academia department, so I may pursue my goal of being a social entrepreneur and further other goals. But at this point, I can't be too picky...I guess.
Opens up about their feelings only to apologise for it afterwards.
The many times I opened about about my feelings were also the many times I regretted my actions. Opening up in response to others opening up is fine, because it's a form of reassurance that you aren't going to blackmail him/her or judge him/her. But, using the most recent example, no matter how supposedly "brave" or "inspiring" or "courageous" my actions were in the eyes of others, I think it is literally the most stupid thing I've ever done. It's not because I knew that nothing would come out of it, it's more of the fact that I knew it would create guilt in the other party and I still did it. Insensitive and selfish above all else, in my opinion. Even now I wish I had just swallowed the emotion down and hope it disappears, because at least then I wouldn't have extended my emotions beyond my own being.
Still feels like a mystery despite how much they've revealed to you.
Yeah well, I don't reveal much and even if I seem like I revealed a lot, it's very selective. I only reveal as much as is needed or as little as possible in order to keep enough hidden. Not that I don't trust others...no. My burdens are mine to carry and it's unfair for me to share it with anyone else. If they want to pick up my burden without me asking, then it's their own problem, but I won't intentionally do it. Mystery is necessary to create distance and distance is necessary to keep those closest to me safe from my own darkness.
Vomits a jumble of words when talking but writes like a nobel prize-winning poet.
If you'd give me a while to contemplate my words, then I'll speak like one too. Also, "poet" is not exactly accurate. I have received praise on my numerous fanfictions, so I would congratulate myself more on the ability to accurately and creatively depict character dynamics. Lemons (aka explicit fanfictions) are not my thing, I'm better at the character analysis and character interaction fanfictions.
Will say something intelligent and then accidentally run into a wall.
That's actually giving me too much credit. I have actually said something really profound to a junior before while counselling her, receiving a lot of thanks for it and then proceeding to trip on a stone and fall down a hill, fracturing an arm. How very smart of me.
Yes, like I've said before, while I'm not a telepath (I wish I were one...I mean...Charles Xavier and all that sexiness), I am certainly adept at guessing what someone is thinking. Well, many people deny it when I accuse them of it, but eventually I find out that I'm right anyway. It's funny how I tell people what they are thinking and they deny it, only to embarrassedly tell me I was right after that. I've found out through that that most people having nicer and brighter thoughts than mine. That's also why I have so much faith that the world can be a better place. Everyone else's minds are so bright, full of determination, hope and optimism, in contrast to mine, so of course everyone is capable of so much more.
And that's the face I have now that I've got to go and do work.
BRILLIANT post. I'm an INFJ and have never before read a piece that described us with such accuracy. Kudos!!!
ReplyDeleteDetailed and beautiful. I am an INFJ and I can agree with everything you have written here. Thank you for writing this.
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