Therefore, in my quest to discover myself, I've come across some very fascinating information. They are scarily true, but at the same time, it's quite reassuring to know that I'm not crazy. INFJs are just very rare and different.
I'm just going to browse through some Tumblr posts regarding INFJs and offer my opinion on them. I may not agree with everything, of course, but it's hard to say whether it's because of my own distortions or that the person just doesn't know INFJs well enough. We are very complex people after all, and it's not like MBTI is that easy to figure out. You do need professionals who can pry under the layers of defence you have built up over your years.
The Most Accurate List to Understand an INFJ
- For most INFJs, omitting or distorting information is equivalent to lying, and at the very least, will rouse their suspicion. INFJs have an acute sensitivity for stories which don't quite fit. At the same time, INFJs also like to assume the best and can be extremely gullible.
I do like to assume the best in people because I honestly think that no one is inherently "evil". In fact, I subscribe to Arima Kishou's (Tokyo Ghoul) assertion that "Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn't mean they are bad people. It means they're human." That is also the stand I hold when facing different conflicts. Of course, my dad calls me "indecisive" and "weak", but I think the ability to maintain neutrality and continue to hold faith in others is something that makes one strong.
- INFJs are adept at non-verbal communication (eye gaze, touching, body language, etc). Just because they're not speaking doesn't mean they're not saying anything.
I don't know about that. INFJs do have trust issues, you know. If an INFJ touches you, she knows it and she's either doing it intentionally or merely by accident (after which they will retreat into the furthest corner, mentally or physically). It's not that INFJs desire sensual touches, we just view touching as a very intimate gesture limited to people that we trust.
- INFJs have an extremely complex internal value system. An INFJ will see if you "fit" into their world, and they'll bend their own rules if they really like you. INFJs tend to have very high standards, but are also very accepting once they trust you and know you're safe.
We will bend over backwards to accommodate people we really like. However, I think that for an INFJ to really like someone, he/she can't exactly be that different from the INFJ, in essence at least. We may have different viewpoints, but we are concerned about the same things.
- INFJs can be pretty intense emotionally. This isn't to say that they can get into a heated argument, in fact, INFJs avoid conflict. However they are easily hurt and feel very deeply. It's not uncommon for INFJs to cry if they feel something very deeply.
Yes, this is an embarrassing truth. I've watched Digimon from the age of 6 and the scene where Angemon sacrifices himself immediately after digivolving makes me cry every single time. Hachiko too. I don't understand how you can watch that show without crying.
- INFJs are weird/odd/strange/extremely rare and they very much know it. They yearn to be understood and want to be accepted as they are (as most people do, of course). An INFJ is incredibly complex, so complex that they confuse even themselves. They almost always feel misunderstood and "hidden". Getting to know an INFJ takes work, so be prepared for that. A lot of gentle inquiry is required.
Are INFJs like cats then? Specifically of the Russian Blue variant, since that species is particularly reserved. Unlike the Bengal, which are lively and independent or the Munchkin, which are friendly and playful, Russian Blues tend to be quiet and reserved, choosing to show affection to only a few. Why a cat? Because cats don't mind you approaching until you take a step that they define as dangerous and the next thing you know, the cat's bounding off to find the farthest hill from you and hiding behind it.
- INFJs can often mimic other types.
We are called the chameleons of the MBTI after all.
- INFJs are typically better in writing than in verbal communication. If you want to know an INFJ's true feelings, ask them to write out what they think and feel.
Because somehow, I think I sound stupid in my brain but I sound even more stupid when I say it out loud. It's like I'm half-retarded or something. Things that seem insightful and ingenious as ideas come out all boggled when I speak. But when I type them out, I sound like a bloody scholar.
- INFJs don't typically engage in casual relationships. Most of them will become too attached for it to be possible. If your intentions aren't serious, then you should probably steer clear of an INFJ unless it's very obvious beforehand that they aren't interested in a serious relationship.
In an INFJ's mind, there is a clear segregation between people we have romantic interest in and people we don't. Once you are classified into either, it takes all the power in the universe to change it. In other words, if we classify you in one group, don't try to fight it. We can conceal it and you can count on us to conceal it if it's not a favourable classification, but it's not going to change no matter what.
- An INFJ's allegiance is no trifle. If an INFJ wants to stick by you, it means they really like you. Do not violate that gift.
Except that an INFJ is very sensitive to people's personal spaces. So even if I'm really concerned about you, I'm unlikely to go beyond a certain point of intervention, unless the situation is dire (e.g. suicidal intentions). Still, I'm going to be worrying about you for days on end, but am I going to do anything about it? Well, if you are receptive, I would; if you don't want me to, then...I'm sorry for being nosy.
- INFJs consciously choose the people that are close to them. They would rather have a few very close friendships as opposed to numerous superficial ones. They open up at a dinosauric pace. They typically hold themselves back and consider that behaviour to be part of their nature. They've been described as having "layers" which only a select few people are privy too. The closer the layer is to their heart, the fewer people are granted access. Do not expect to find yourself in the "top tier" overnight. It often takes months or years to access the deepest recesses.
And so, when an INFJ confesses, it's almost equivalent to immediately stripping down many, many layers. It's a foolish thing to do, especially for an INFJ, since we wear our "armour" everywhere, even among close friends. An INFJ without their "layers" is like a crab without its shell, there's no where we can retreat to. Still, risks must be taken in life and "layers" can be put back on and rebuilt. What is hidden at the core doesn't change, but the "armour" is going to be a new one.
- INFJs, like other idealists (NF), love harmony. While an INFJ is relatively adept at conflict resolution, they do not appreciate the unneeded creation of conflict. An INFJ will strive for harmony.
And for a long time in Sec 4, I was struck between two "cliques", consisting of people who weren't willing to talk to one another. It was frustrating, because a nice sit-down-and-talk would have led to resolution, but no one wants to sit the hell down and talk.
- The "N" combined with the "J" in INFJ means that they are future-oriented. Do everything you can to make yourself seem like a long-term option. If you become destructively impulsive, an INFJ will lose the ability to see you as a long-term mate, and will become unhappy as a result. INFJs are future-oriented and have powerful imaginations and superb insight.
In other words, if an INFJ says that you are "difficult to predict", he/she means that he/she will never be interested. Stability is important, but stability is different from stagnation. It's a very fine line and I can't even explain it properly. But what I can say is that everything is done for a reason, in anticipation for the future. If this piece of homework is unlikely to yield much benefit for the future, then I'm not going to do it. If this job will lead to the ruin of my dreams, then I'll avoid it like the plague. If knowing someone too much will lead to destabilisation, then I'll keep an arm's length at all times (them "P" types, especially the FP types).
- INFJs are extremely sensitive. Make sure that criticism is handed as lightly as possible and constructively. As the same time, INFJs love to please their partner, and will work on an issue if presented in the right way. When to be blunt with an INFJ: never. Be honest and direct, but there's a fine line between direct and insensitive.
Ah, but you see, as an INFJ, I recognise my own sensitivities. That's why I actually encourage my friends to insult me, because I need to be able to keep myself calm. If I cannot keep myself calm when being insulted, how am I to deal with conflicts in the future, especially conflicts that I'm depended upon to resolve? I can't just break down at everything.
- INFJs love helping people. If you're bad at accepting help (yes, accepting help is a skill), then get ready to have problems. To reject an INFJ's help is to reject their love, and one of the things they hold nearest to their hearts.
Exactly. If an INFJ wants to help you, let them do it. To tell me that you don't want my help is equivalent to telling me that I can't help, that I'm too weak to help, that you don't treasure yourself enough to let me help. All these factors just lead me spiralling down the tunnel towards self-doubt, meanwhile, the NT/ST is probably unaware of what they just caused.
- An INFJ's ability to help people goes hand-in-hand with their ability to destroy people. Their keen knowledge of people's weaknesses means they can either help you incredibly or destroy you, however, the latter is extremely rare and is only reserved for people they believe have done serious harm to them or others.
It's an NFJ thing, but more for INFJ, since our intuition is stronger. We understand people very well. ENFJs may seem like they know you better, because they would outwardly express the understanding, but INFJs have silently already noted down everything. Therefore, when you need our help, we know how to help, but when you want to destroy your life, we know where to strike.
- They need patience but they give patience in return.
I really think that's true for everyone.
- They're curious about other people. To their friends, they are very accepting. However, the closer one gets to an INFJ's heart, the more their standards will apply to the other person, which can sometimes create issues.
I can't really vouch for the second part, since I have not yet experienced anything beyond friendship. But I know that in friendship, I will tolerate what the other person requires of me or what I perceive them to require. If you want to exert dominance, I'll let you do it once in a while. If you want to feel confident, I'll lower myself to raise you ego.
- They often have darker periods where they close up. They can become monk-like and reclusive. It doesn't mean they don't like you, it just means they need to recharge.
We are not ENFJs and unlike our extroverted cousins, we actually do need some personal time. We can't deal with being surrounded 24/7 and we need to have some time in completely silence. Meditation is a great way to recuperate. Just sitting silently and allowing thoughts to flow as they want to. Just don't disturb us during this time or you will know hell.
- They can be stubborn once they believe they're in the right, especially if it has to do with their values.
And if you aren't going to concede or drop the issue, then I will drop you down the drain.
- INFJs hardly ever initiate anything. They like it when the other person initiates a conversation, contact, etc.
But our patience is still limited. We have the ability to stare at someone until they feel the need to do something, but most of the time, only Introverts can feel the staring. If we find the need to initiate, then we will, but when it becomes apparent that you will do it willingly, then we will draw back into our passivity.
- INFJs need 2 things to thrive: trust and safety. Trusting you is about knowing that you're ethically and morally upstanding (or at least in accordance with their values), and feeling safe is knowing that you'll stick by them. INFJs don't want to open up to people who might disappear overnight. If an INFJ feels they can trust you and feels safe with you, they'll be very happy. The only added bonus is to tell them how much you appreciate them.
Okay, please don't do the last part. I will probably "dere" so hard that I forget how to "tsun". Also, ethically and morally upstanding is right, but not exactly the accordance to values part. I cannot accept people with directly opposing views, e.g. self-centred, unsympathetic. However, if the foundation of our values are the same, i.e. people-oriented, for the good of humanity, then I have no problems accepting your point-of-view.
On Truth:
"INFJs are all about deeds, not words. Don't fuck up anything when you are granted a stage by an INFJ. It may take a long time before they give you that stage. Remember that they are intently testing you at that point. Talk all you want after that audition, providing you pass the test. The conversation will be most pleasant forever after...until you fuck up."
Sigh...this is quite a misconception, really. INFJ will drop you out of their lives if you fuck up, but we will let you back in if you apology is deemed to be sincere enough. Of course, we forgive, but forgetting is not part of the contract.
"Eight years of marriage to a textbook INFJ has taught me the power of truth. I have seen what happens to people who deceive an INFJ. They are dropped like a hot pan."
Yes, if it's possible, we will fling you onto the surface of the sun, though you'll probably disintegrate on the way. Be honest with us, because we can tell when you're lying, so why even try?
On Vengeance:
"I do think that's one of the main features of the INFJ type, vital even: a strong sense of right and wrong; they can't tolerate wrongdoings of any kind. But at the same time, I've observed that the INFJ's attitude over their sense of morals come in two variants; Jesus-like ones that say "turn the other cheek", and the badass Kenshin ones that punish wrongdoers."
At this point, I should mention with a hint of amusement that Jesus is classified to be an INFJ. Funnily enough, Hitler is also an INFJ, and so is Gandhi. So INFJs do have plenty of potential to become influential, as the most extroverted of the introverts, but we do have the potential to become the most evil beings as well. Still, as much as I detest being related to institutionalised religions, telling me what to think when I can derive the same conclusions from life myself, thank you, I think I'm more of the first type. I've learnt that when you punish wrongdoers, you often end up doing evil as well. Although the anime, Codebreaker, has catchy lines, I do not agree with Oogami Rei's "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and evil for evil.". I'd rather offer forgiveness for all and if everyone acted this way, I really think the world would be a better place.
"I have an INFJ friend, who is someone I would never EVER want to piss off. I've seen him angry only once in my life, and he goes all out then, lashing out to the point that it's fearsome and it takes nearly an hour for him to cool down...it would start with him just suddenly becoming quiet and very isolate and then bam! If ever in a war, that dude is on my side as a general!"
Yes, the INFJ's temper is a phenomenon by itself. If you aren't a N types, it's like a volcano erupting out of nowhere. But seriously, we are very patient. The moment we grow quiet is the moment we try to reconcile our anger and try to control it. To douse it before it goes out of hand. But if you're pushing it, then you aren't exactly giving us time to cool it off.
"We go through great efforts to keep everything civil, friendly, and harmonious, and we even allow people a certain amount of "buffer space". But once you've overstepped that boundary or pushed things too far, then BAM! Tactical. Nuclear. Strike."
I've never actually been truly angry for years, so I really can't say. I have been annoyed, frustrated, exasperated, etc, but not angry, for a long time. "Angry" is a word used too often for emotions not half as intense.
"When someone gets the better of us, and they do so in a way that is not admirable, they become mortal enemies that must be vexed immediately."
In other words, if you do something to offend us intentionally without repentance, then we will hang you in public and let you be judged by the people!
On Holding Back
"My tendency to hold back IS who I am, and I am okay with that. I embrace that."
Privacy and hiding your true self is something everyone should practice. Why? At least from my point of view, there's a lot of shit going on in my life and I know that other people have their own shit to deal with. I cannot expect them to put up with my burdens when it is not theirs to hold in the first place.
"INFJs take time to open up. They are slow burners. I find I can't really get to know them until after many prolonged conversations. But after you enter their realm of trust, they are the sweetest, most genuine people."
Well, if we trust you, then why shouldn't we be sweet and genuine?
Some Pictoral Stuff, Just for Buffer
Concerns of INFJs
1. Authenticity
Fakes. Hypocrites. Liars. I can smell you the moment you approach, I can hear the slight deflections in your lies. It's an intuition, really, but don't like to an INFJ. You can't get away with it, so don't bother trying. If you apologise and you never meant it in the first place, we will definitely forgive, but make sure you don't do it again.
2. Soul-Bonding Discourse
Ah, the pains of a fast-paced society. I would really love to just visit a coffee shop and order a cup of tea (not coffee, because I'll fall asleep in 10 minutes flat) before proceeding to identify a fantastically intriguing individual to converse for hours. Just to get to know someone better. Just to counsel them if needed. Sounds much better than studying, doesn't it? Alas, I don't have much of a choice, do I? Also, I prefer people I already know rather than strangers.
3. Emotional Intelligence
A person who is emotionally unstable becomes extremely scary. We may still appear very friendly with them, maybe a little too friendly (in other people's eyes), but it's because we care but we are genuinely afraid. ENFPs, INFPs. The greatest culprits. They are very unstable people and with a combination of N and F, it makes them very irrational as well. We aren't asking for a person with absolutely no emotional dimension, that is exactly the opposite of what we are looking for. Yet at the same time, you can't be so unstable that we fear even getting to know you better.
4. Accepting Help
If you need my help, please ask me. Don't sit there with that cloud drifting above your head, pretending it isn't there. Deny it all you want, but I can see it. It feels like being rejected, you know, when you turn down our offer to help.
5. Accepting Our Need to Serve Others
Don't be so clingy. If I'm going to ditch a date to counsel a person, then you'd better be able to accept it. If you can't understand it, the impression I get is that you cannot see beyond yourself. That is an absolutely selfish way of looking at the world. There is always something greater than yourself and if you are given a chance to help someone else, you jolly well accept the chance. So if I'm going to fly to Africa to help poor children, I would really hate it if I have a husband dragging me back. Look, I'm going there to fulfill life's purpose. Stop chaining me to this selfish world!
6. Intellectual Prowess
Look, I'm not hating on people with intellectual difficulties, but I really need someone who can converse with me on equal terms or someone who is smarter than me. I want to discuss things, especially now that I'm trying to invent my own "religion". No, I'm not starting a cult. I'm just on a quest to discover the truth myself, without people trying to dictate for me what I should be thinking. If I end up with the same belief as an institutionalised religion, then good for the religion, but I'm not taking the easy way out. I'm not just going to accept it and I want someone to argue it out with me. Like I've said before, if a person has pure good looks and no intellect whatsoever, or manners even, then he's only good for being a mannequin. Looks really don't matter, since looks aren't going to hold conversations with me.
7. Reassurance
INFJs get hurt easily and as much as I don't want others to have to share my burden, it's always nice to know that someone understands and someone cares.
8. Patience
I'm at the age where patience isn't really my strongest suit. I believe in pursuing things, if they are meant to be pursued. At the same time, however, some things will come to you in the end, and in those cases, just don't bother pestering people about it. I don't really fit into this, but I've always been taught to be opportunistic and as long as that opportunistic behaviour allows me to achieve my goals, I have no qualms about being a little less patient.
9. Give Us Space/Privacy to Introvert
Sometimes I just want to sit alone in silence and think. Don't interrupt me.
10. Interest in Growth
A stagnant person is the most horrible person. For life to be purposeful, you need to be constantly moving towards a goal and seeking personal growth. If you are comfortable and satisfied with whatever you have right now, you are either so very selfish that you think the world isn't suffering, or you just have no goal. Both of which need to be rectified, so come here and let me counsel you.
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