MBTI Stuff #5: The J-P Confusion (INFP vs INFJ)

     Oh my, I'm actually an INFJ. I just didn't know the difference between INFP and INFJ...rather, I had it all mixed up.

     Recently, I've learnt something about the MBTI that overturned my previous connotations. I would blame those misguided theories on the highly simplistic ways that the Internet tends to classify different types. While information on E-I, S-N and T-F are mostly true, it's the complicated nature of J-P that tends to throw people off.

What the Internet Says
     Most simplistic readings on differentiating J-P tend to classify them as highly exclusive types. Js are known to be more orderly, decisive and are much calmer. Ps, on the other hand, are laid-back and absolutely hate having to schedule anything. Take, for example, ENFJ and ENFP. ENFJ is usually the charismatic leader who is good with people. On the other hand, ENFP is the hyperactive scatterbrain who is also good with people, but is much more haphazard in the way they deal with things. In other words, Js are the type that need to live with a schedule while Ps are the type that cannot deal with schedules. In general, there are more females that are Js than males.

The Truth

     While it is generally true that J-P follows such a trend, in INFP vs INFJ especially, you see quite the opposite. This has to do with the fact that J-P do not function as separate entities from the others. They are a combination of all other three functions. What do I mean? Let's take the functions of INFP and INFJ into account.

     

     As adapted from the Myers and Briggs website, this is the description of the J-P functions:

     "The J or P preference only tells which preference the person extraverts. One person may feel very orderly/structure (J) on the inside, yet their outer life looks spontaneous and adaptable (P). Another person may feel very curious and open-minded (P) in their inner world, yet their outer life looks more structured or decided (J)."

     But how can a person tell? Most people don't even know themselves that well. Fortunately, the website has that covered as well.

     "Judging (J)

     I use my decision-making (J) preference (whether it is T or F) in my outer life. To others, I seem to prefer a planned or orderly way of life, like to have things settled and organised, feel more comfortable when decisions are made and like to bring life under control as much as possible."

     "Perceiving (P)

     I use my perceiving function (whether it is S or N) in my outer life. To others, I seem to prefer a flexible and spontaneous way of life, and I like to understand and adapt to the world rather than organise it. Others see me staying open to new experiences and information."

      Well, this may blow your mind but...I DISAGREE. 

      Of course I have evidence for this and it's a glaring evidence. Taking the first line you see "I use my decision-making (J) preference (T/F) in my outer life". Then take a look at the INFJ and INFP table above. Instead of having T or F as the dominant function for INFJ, INFJ has N instead, which is a perceiving function. Then look at INFP, it has a decision-preference instead.

      Therefore, there is still an ounce of truth, though not much of it. To see whether a person is more inclined towards decision-making or leaving things open, you look at their dominant function. However, that does not define J or P. This is mostly true for most Introverts, but mostly for INFP and INFJ, which are very easily confused (I mean, I was confused, for a long time).

INFP vs INFJ: 5 Ways to Differentiate

       There may be no types mistaken for each other more than INFJs and INFPs. And while they may look similar from the outside, they are very different creatures inside. Add to that, INFJs and INFPs are two of the personality types most interested in personality psychology, so an incomplete understanding of how these two types are differentiated can cause a lot of personal frustration, like the one I was having before. This has led to many internet arguments, since their difference defy the general consensus.

1. Their Driver Processes, aka Dominant Functions

     The Driver process can also be called the "dominant cognitive function". It is the mind's first point of contact and the primary lens through which everything gets filtered.

     For an INFJ, this dominant process is technically called Introverted Intuition, nicknamed "Perspectives". Perspectives is a learning function (technically called a perceiving function) and works by watching one's own mind form patterns. After years of use, eventually Perspectives begins to see the "pattern of the patterns" and understands that what is happening inside of themselves cognitively is also happening for other people.

     INFPs, on the other hand, lead with a process called Introverted Feeling, which we call "Authenticity". Authenticity is a decision-making function (technically called a judging function), and works by being deeply in touch with how one is emotionally impacted by events. Decisions are made by "checking in" to ensure that they are in alignment with one's values and identity. There is a saying that the more personal something is the more universal it is. Over time, Authenticity understands that they aren't alone in their feelings. They are simply more aware of them than other types.

     Both already have very different world views. What's even more confusing, is that while they are both quite indecisive, the indecisiveness is derived from different reasons.

     For an INFP, because their decision-making process can take time, it can feel grueling to be pressured to make a quick call. Each decision needs to be in alignment with the INFP's values, and even a decision as simple as what salad to order can be a frustration if, say, their relationship with food has become a part of how they define themselves. That to me is actually quite bizarre, pointing out to me that I'm actually not an INFP. I find decision-making processes like this to be a sign of fetishism or obsession.

      On the other hand, since INFJs are more removed from their decision-making process of Harmony, it's usually over time that they become frustrated with the inability to make a final call. Like in real life, I often want other people to make a decision on where to meet and what time, but if the decision isn't being made after a while, I get annoyed and decide upon it by myself. They are less likely to agonise over smaller decisions because not every decision is a reflection of their identity. In other words, if it doesn't involve me, I often don't care what decision is being made. Even if it involves me, decision is only made when people are starting to frustrate me.

     I think one important thing to realise is that INFPs go straight into a situation, trying to make a final decision. INFJs are often more laid-back, allowing their decisions to change again and again. It is only when the Harmony factor (Extroverted Feeling) is compromised, that they utilise that auxiliary function and move in to take action.

2. Evaluation of Emotional Significance

     The Harmony (Extroverted Feeling) person might ask themselves something like "What get's everyone needs met?" "How do I create harmony both within interpersonal relationships and the context/environment?" In order to know the "right" choice, other people's emotions become the most interesting piece of information. They're ultimately the feedback mechanism needed to determine a decision was the right one, because it's their emotions that tell you if their needs are getting met and/or if they're experiencing any form of conflict.

     On the other hand, Introverted Feeling is nicknamed "Authenticity" because it's about the individual's emotional experience. It's about checking in with one's own emotions to determine if an action is the "right" one.

     If offending others is more distressing than offending yourself, you are more likely using Harmony. And if you're willing to be a total pariah in behalf of your convictions, you're more likely using Authenticity. That is why I believe I'm an INFJ too. It's not that I'm super generous or anything, but I don't feel as in-tuned with my emotions as I'm supposed to be as an INFP. I don't possess the poetic abilities that INFPs possess and in fact, share a lot more in common with INFJ, since I often find myself feeling other people's projected emotions, but not really reflecting it back. I can feel their pain, but I can also feel distinctly that the pain is theirs and not mine.

Instead of seeing it as a variation of being true to oneself, it is more helpful to see it as "serving other's needs first in order to get your own needs met" (Harmony) versus "honouring one's own experience first in order to honour other's experience" (Authenticity).

3. "Absorbing" and "Mirroring" Emotions

    This may be the biggest confusion between the two types. It's definitely the source of endless internet battles for supremacy of "who's the most empathetic type". The truth is, thought, that both INFJs and INFPs have an almost magical ability to understand the emotional human experience. The way they go about is what differentiates them.

    I once heard a description for "empathy" as "Your pain my heart". For an INFJ, this couldn't be more true. INFJs absorb other people's emotional energy, whether they want to or not. If it's powerful and there -- friend or foe, intimate or stranger -- your pain is in their heart. I find this to be very true for me. One of the many occasions was a time when I was counselling my friend out of doing something absolutely stupid to herself. While she was crying to me, I could distinctly feel her pain, almost as if it were my own, because I felt the extent of the emotional pain physically -- you know, the sort where the emotional torment actually manifests as a pain in your body. However, the thing remained that I didn't cry at all, because somehow, I could still tell that the pain was hers and it was simply being shared with me. There was no reason for me to reflect her pain back. That's what makes me more INFJ, I suppose.

   The combination of Perspectives (getting into other's heads) and Harmony (having other people's emotions on their radar all the time) seems to converge into this superpower (absorbing emotions), a gift that most INFJs would trade away if they could. Seriously though, I cannot deny it. It makes me too damn emotional. When people need me to give solid and objective advice, I cannot afford to have their pain permeating into me every second. Still, I have expressed my love of Charles Xavier's version of Telepathy -- which is more telepathy with empathy - and I must say, it is an honour to be able to have a "superpower" like that...though not to his extent. On one hand, I want to get rid of this, but on the other, I treasure greatly my ability to feel other's pain.

    Since Authenticity is their Driver process, this ability becomes unconscious competence for INFPs and they may not even register when they're doing it. This is why Authenticity Drivers (INFPs and ISFPs) are easily the greatest actors and performers of all the types. Putting on a new emotion can be as easy as swapping jackets.

    When in the presence of another person's strong emotion, it's not that the INFP is absorbing it, they're mirroring it. Since this is exceptionally easy for them to do, it's usually a surprise to discover that other people can't even come close to this ability. The nuance of their ability to mirror another person's emotional experience can feel like absorbing since it's so spot on. But, remember -- this isn't another person's emotion in the INFP's heart. This is years and years of the INFP mapping emotions within themselves and finding the closest proximity to what the other person is experiencing.

    If those aren't evidence enough that I'm an INFJ already, I have more information, answering my doubts all this time:

    

    To absorb another's emotion, both the INFJ and the other person have to be together in real time. This isn't post-processing emotional experience, it's an emotion hitting the INFJ due to energetic proximity. I know I can sense another person's tranquillity, their panic and their guilt, and it's not because I can read certain signs. It's an "aura", as I like to call it. Everyone has their own "aura" and I have assigned colours to all of them.

     For an INFP, it's about finding the emotion the other person is -- was -- or will be experiencing within themselves. The emotion can be bound through time via works of art, literature, journals and any/every other way we as people express our emotions. And this was what made me doubt my INFP analysis in the first place. I am, by no means, good at these things. I'm probably the biggest blockhead in class when it comes to understanding the emotions of the people in a text. I can't talk to them! I can't feel them! How am I suppose to know they are feeling frustrated? Literature is not my strong suit, neither do I particularly like it. Why waste time burying your face in books when you can be listening to someone else tell a better story?

4. Being Understood vs Being Validated

     Both the INFJ and INFP personality types run into the problem of feeling misunderstood. For INFJs, the Perspectives process gives them an insight to other people that is unmatched, and it can be disconcerting to realise other people don't have the same superpower. The result is a lot of one-sided relationships. Wow, that was a low-blow! But I suppose...that's what happened, isn't it?

     On top of that, the Perspectives process is itself quite mysterious to other people. Both INxJ types (INFJs and INTJs) learn to keep their speculations to themselves. "Just knowing" stuff feels like precognition to others and can make them uncomfortable.

     INFPs face feeling misunderstood because no one could possibly know them as well as they know themselves. The Authenticity process is a deep pool of nuanced self-awareness, and it's truly impossible to communicate all the variety within themselves to another person.

     If you peel back the layers, however, it's not that INFPs have a challenge in being fully misunderstood. If anyone else ever actually "fully" understood them that would actually be a bad sign -- it would mean that the INFP had lost some of their individuality or that they're dangerously close to being too similar to other people. This confuses me, really. While I do treasure my individuality as an INFP should, I don't think it bad if I become a little bit like the others. After all, aren't I part of this world too? If I become like them, I would understand them more, right?

     INFJs aren't nearly as invested in others believing they have good motive. They are far more likely to be tuned into the motives and motivations of others to give a lot of thought about whether the other person believes the INFJ has a positive intent. That's true. I don't need validation for my actions, I just need you to know that I'm not about to hurt you.

     Where an INFP can lose awareness of other people if they're really excited by a topic, INFJs never lose awareness of other people. Okay...wait. If you are excited but no one is there...then what are you being excited for exactly? In fact, that's why INFJs generally need more alone time than INFPs. The only real distance INFJs get from other people is when they're truly physically alone, and this is generally used to recharge their batteries for the next trip into the outer world. See, if I were an ENFJ instead of INFJ, I wouldn't need to recharge...

5. How Each Type Leads and Persuades

     INFJs - using the Perspectives process - often solve problems and persuade others by offering alternative perspectives. In fact, they generally solve problems by shifting perspectives until the solution becomes clear. They offer these shifts as "a-ha" moments. So I'm not being indecisive...I'm just giving you some choices.

     INFPs - using Authenticity process - are more masters of emotional Aikido. Since they understand how emotions flow within the self, they can use this to redirect the emotional energy in another person, getting them to feel what they want them to feel. Isn't this emotional manipulation?! Hello?! Isn't that a bad thing!

     I think everything has been cleared up. I have another person I know who is an INFP, and all this time, he is the reason why I think I'm not one. I never felt any sense of similarity between us and in fact, I find him very emotionally selfish. The way he interacts with my other friend, the way he treats her, to me, feels extremely self-centred. Now that I realise I'm actually an INFJ, who thought she was an INFP. I really believed in the J-P thing before, but now I realise, INFJ is actually more flexible than INFP. Also, that means I'm not compatible with ENFJ, which is excellent. In fact, that explains why I think the scatterbrained ENFP is quite interesting. But, it also explains why I felt like I understood that ENFJ so much, because we share the same functions, just in different order (INFJ - Ni, Fe; ENFJ - Fe, Ni). I do understand him, I think.

More MBTI Stuff #4: Actually Interesting This Time

     Before I start with anything related to MBTI, I just thought I should leave this video here. I know I have already expressed my intense obsession with Sakamaki Reiji, but I'm listening to this song objectively (or so I think), trying not to be biased. All the Sakamaki brothers have their own character songs, but I think the two that stand out the most for me are Kiss Mark by Sakamaki Shuu and this one - Toaru Yugensha no Unmei (A Certain Prophet's Fate) by Sakamaki Reiji. I think Reiji's character song is particularly attractive to me because Reiji's voice actor has a nice deep voice that is not unemotional.


     Anyway, today's MBTI stuff will be taken from a Tumblr page called "Confessions of a Myers Briggs-aholic". The author is an INFJ and I must say, most consistent Tumblr pages are ran by J types, simply because P types do things based on impulse. Sometimes, I just don't feel like it.

     Placing the blame on my P type personality, I'm unapologetic that this post will be a little messy, but I'll try my best with the headings. I'm reading the Tumblr page as I write this, so it's most likely not organised in any order whatsoever.

     Also, as usual, most of these posts (or all of them) will include INFP. I know I've posted something about me being INTP, but like I've said, it's probably just the facade I wear because being an INFP is a very vulnerable state of mind. I am, in fact, very emotional and although it does make me rather annoyed at myself during those times when I'm supposed to keep my cool but I'm crying up a storm, I'm not going to deny my identity as an INFP. INFPs aren't all the same though. I am an INFP who is a little sadistic and quite cynical. Also I do believe I'm more self-aware than other INFPs I know.

1. INFP and ENFJ Relationship
"INFP X ENFJ
INFP: Fi Ne Si Te
ENFJ: Fe Ni Se Ti
With opposite functions in the same order, this couple processes the world very differently, although they may appear similar on the outside. Both are idealistic, future-oriented, and desire to improve the world around them. They both struggle with cold hard logic and facts, and prefer to deal with the emotional and abstract. Therefore the two may connect on similar interests and understand each other's motivating drive.
However, these types also have various difference. On the negative side, the INFP may see the ENFJ as fake, judgemental and too inflexible in their ways, while the ENFJ may see the INFP as selfish, private and unplanned. On the positive side, the INFP may admire the ENFJ's structure, natural diplomacy, and comfortableness with people, while the ENFJ may admire the INFP's spontaneity, conviction to their own beliefs, and calming introverted presence."

     This is completely true, at least from the INFP point of view. I can't speak for the ENFJ, but for me, I agree with all the points brought up. For the ENFJ I have in my mind right now, I have known for a long time that we are both very idealistic people, although it seems, to me at least, that I happen to get hurt a lot more because of that idealism. After all, INFP has the highest suicide rates in school while ENFJ is the happiest. Well, contradiction can only happen when there's a common ground after all.

     Also, I share some similar interests, although on others, I wholeheartedly disagree and would like to argue my way through it (i.e. "fight me in real life"). I do understand his views and the way he thinks, but there's a difference between understanding and accepting. Even if it makes sense to me, I usually don't find myself agreeing. My views, those deep and intrinsic ones, are often a direct contradiction and almost a mirror image of his views.

     That said, I do admire his ability to be very diplomatic and charismatic, in the sense that he can keep the peace with a large group of people. But that doesn't mean that I don't think he is selfish (judgemental), hypocritical (fake) and too close-minded (inflexible). So yes, I do think this person did an excellent job presenting the dynamics between an INFP and ENFJ.

     I think the most important takeaway from this is that while two people may have the most contradictory views about the world, in order for the contradictions to happen in the first place, there must be a common ground. I mean, you cannot compare two things when they are completely unrelated. Just like that picture up there. Black wolf and white wolf, these two usually symbolise very different things: black wolves symbolising the bestial, vicious and independent nature of a lonewolf, while white wolves symbolise pack strength, care for pack members and wisdom. They are contradictory, but they are both wolves (thus the common ground).

2. Most to Least Authentic
1. ESTJ
2. ENTP
3. INFP
4. ISTP
5. INTJ
6. INTP
7. ESTP
8. ISTJ
9. ISFP
10. INFP
11. INFJ
12. ISFJ
13. ESFP
14. ENTJ
15. ESFJ
16. ENFJ
     Wow, look at that. I'm #3 on the list, probably because I'm bloody straightforward with giving opinions. I'm that kind of person who, if you ask me for an honest opinion, I'll give you an honest opinion, whether or not it will sting. Look at those pretentious assholes though...why am/was I friends with so many of them. And once again, ENFJ proves me right. They are very pretentious and hypocritical and fake. In fact, they are the least authentic MBTI. That says quite a lot since even those at the top can practise being fake once in a while. ENFJs must be really, really fake then.

3. MBTI as Brides
ISTJ: Are very concerned with the logistics of the wedding, making sure all of their family's flights are on time, flowers are ordered, etc.
ISFJ: Is very romantic about their wedding, wanting it to be traditional and classic, and are very concerned with making sure all of the details are right
INFJ: Spends a lot of time sitting by themselves and considering their visions of marriage and the underlying emotions of their wedding
INTJ: Finds most of the festivities to be superficial and unnecessary, getting mad at people who botch up the to-do's of the wedding
ISTP: Enjoys buying fine items and clothing, but dislikes the overt emotion and attention put on them throughout the wedding
ISFP: Is very concerned with the aesthetics of their wedding, making sure everything looks beautiful for their day
INFP: Has a very romantic and fanciful view of how they want the day to go, spending a lot of time considering their emotions in the situation
INTP: Dislikes the expectations, overt emotion, and attention of the wedding, letting others make choices for them as long as they are mainly left alone
ESTP: Enjoys the excitement, especially their bachelor/ette party and wanting to live in the moment and having lots of fun at their wedding/party/honeymoon as well
ESFP: Loves the attention of the few days, wanting to make sure they look beautiful and having everyone's eyes on them
ENFP: Want to have more unconventional wedding, worrying mainly about the concepts of fun, love, and family and not so much all the details involved
ENTP: Have fun talking to people and having attention, but dislike all the details of the festivities
ESTJ: Are very direct in making sure their wedding planner creates a very traditional, classic wedding and gets all the details right
ESFJ: Become a little bossy making sure everything is the way they have envisioned it, also spend a lot of time connecting with all of their guests
ENFJ: Spend a lot of time connecting with their guests, having a romantic vision of how they want the day to go
ENTJ: Takes over for the wedding planner, spending most of the day directing everyone on where they need to go

     I must say, although I'm not a bride and will probably never be, because I don't want to be, this is quite accurate in the more general situation sense. "Has a very romantic and fanciful view of how they want the day to go" and this is immediately followed by "expectations are completely let down and goes into a period of depression". This basically happens every time something mildly exciting is going to happen - I have too idealistic a view of what's going to happen. I've learnt now, to not even have no expectations, I have to go in with negative expectations. If I go in with my flowery expectations, I'm just going to end up disappointed all over again. I thought I'm the only one, but apparently ENFJ is the same. Weird. I thought maybe ENFP, but I guess they are way too hyper and scatter-brained.

4. MBTI When They Like Someone (Romantic and Platonic)
ISTJ: Act very shy around the other person, but may also reminisce over shared memories and experiences
ISFJ: Constantly offer to help the other person with anything like chores or homework
INFJ: Keep their affections to themselves around the person, but mention them a lot to their friends
INTJ: They listen, debate and engage in intellectual conversations with the other person; if they find the other person interesting and listen to what they say
ISTP: Tease the other person with witty humour and jokes
ISFP: They feel comfortable sharing little snippets of their emotions or opinions with the other person
INFP: Get very embarrassed, flustered, and blush a lot around the person they like
INTP: Get overwhelmed with their feelings, trying to appear intellectual and figure out how to tease the other person without being mean or critical
ESTP: Act very over the top, pulling stunts, flirting very obviously, and doing anything to get the other person's attention
ESFP: Flirt classically, attracting a lot of attention to themselves and being extraordinarily charismatic and charming
ENFP: They become very nervous around the other person, being very friendly and charming but also flustered
ENTP: Tease the other person and debate with them, engaging them in conversations continuously
ESTJ: Worry about appearing respectful and traditional, while also attempting to tease and compliment the other person
ESFJ: Act even more friendly and perfect than usual to the other person, offering to help them out with things as well
ENFJ: Ask a bunch of questions to try to understand the other person's likes, dislikes, etc. and adjust their behaviour accordingly
ENTJ: Appear cool and collected the entire time they are with the other person, considering the best way to compliment and interact with the other person

    This time, I think I should reply to each MBTI accordingly, because I have something to say for all of them.

ISTJ: These are apparently the most normal people you will meet. They are shy, which is expected, but they don't do any weird shit that may scare the other person off. Typical drama girl, I suppose.
ISFJ: Where can I find a specimen of this MBTI in the opposite gender? I would very much like someone to do my homework for me.
INFJ: They are the second most normal people, except their friends probably want to slap the shit out of them.
INTJ: So these people basically become even colder. I guess if a person likes these kind of people, it works, but personally, while I do like cool and composed anime guys, in real life, it's quite the opposite. INTJs are oddly composed and very weird, not even in the endearing way, but they make good conversation.
ISTP: This is the guy I want to meet at a bar. So, yes please.
ISFP: In other words, they start dumping their shit on you? I don't mind it, but I think some people may find that quite annoying.
INFP: ...No I don't do this...

         Or even this...

        So, I don't know what you are talking about.

INTP: I think this is quite normal too, at least outwardly. These people are probably dying of inner turmoil though.

ESTP: Argh, these are the guys at the bar who don't know how to shut up and the more they talk, the more I deduct points from their assumed IQ. These are probably the guys in shows who are super good-looking and hot, but the moment they open their mouths, it's like "NOPE, SORRY". But, these people are insanely easy to ignore too.

ESFP: Depending on how they go about it, they can either be uber attractive or insanely annoying. I, for one, get wary of people who are charismatic, because they are probably hiding something. So most likely, 9 out of 10, I would dislike ESFPs.

ENFP: This is just the extroverted version of an INFP and frankly I must say, I love it, a lot. Sadly, I don't know any ENFP guys. Come on, the idea of a guy who is quite laid-back, hyperactive and scatterbrained that gets shy around the girl he likes. That's super adorable please!

             It's like Tamaki Suoh, minus his ridiculous flaunting and with just his hyperactivity. Cute~

ENTP: So they basically intrude upon your life and do not understanding the meaning of "Shut up and go away". 

ESTJ: These people can be very charming...but also insanely boring and typical.

ESFJ: One word, pretentious. Generally, the more a person extrapolates the positive parts of their personality and hides their negative parts, the more suspicious I am about their authenticity.

ENFJ: I don't even know, ok? If ENTPs are intruding upon your life by never-ending conversations, ENFJs are trying to take control of your life and dig you inside-out. ENFJs are basically the type that does not understand that people will tell them things when the time if right and they don't have to chase a person to the ends of the earth. Patience, please, and personal space.

ENTJ: Hmmm...probably quite boring, but still, attractive compared to the rest.

     Basically, if I have to choose 3 favourites and 3 most hated just based on this:

Favourites: ENFP, ISTP, ISFJ

Most Hated: ENFJ, ENTP, ESFJ (basically anyone who invades your life)

5. How to Make Them Hate You

NTs: Something close-minded, ignorant and idiotic

NFs: Criticising them in an unnecessarily harsh and personal way

SPs: Trying to confine them/make them conform to some prescribed set of values

SJs: Something unnecessarily radical and disruptive to their current situation

     Is that why I cannot take criticisms? My threshold for very personalised insults is extremely low. I can tolerate stupidity...because I'm bloody stupid myself. If someone tries to confine me, I'll just ignore it. Also, if someone radical happens, well, just adapt and let it happen.

6. MBTI as Teenage Guys

ISTJ: Quiet kid who does all of their homework on time and can have poor social skills

ISFJ: Is the "quiet friend" in his group of friends, always does his homework and is very sweet

INFJ: Very quiet kid who spends their time watching the other students and psychoanalysing them

INTJ: The arrogant brainiac who complains all the time about how idiotic the classes or other classmates are while solving math problems in the corner of the room

ISTP: Guy who is obsessed with his car and doing repairs on it, very independent

ISFP: Artsy student who's fairly quiet and sweet but also hits up all the parties every weekend and smokes a lot

INFP: Part of a bunch of activism and writing clubs, very committed with their causes

INTP: Quiet kid with a secret hilarious sense of humour and incredible intellect

ESTP: The star jock who is a bit of a douche; very cocky; arrogant; and probably dates a lot of different girls

ESFP: Really outgoing kid who goes to every party and is adores by all of the girls

ENFP: Kid who plans on living in a hut in Guatemala in their gap year before college; often forgets their shoes when coming to school

ENTP: Kid who spends each class arguing with the teacher

ESTJ: Kid who takes over every school project and makes sure all the other kids are following the rules at all times

ESFJ: Guy who knows everyone at the school, is loved by almost everyone, but can be a little judgemental at times

ENFJ: Wins most likely to save the planet; very well liked and popular but also good academically and very driven

ENTJ: President of the student council and a dozen other clubs; extremely popular but also fairly aloof and unemotional

     This is weird, because I generally hate all the Extroverts in this case, but my favourite is an Extrovert - the clumsy scatterbrain with way too much refreshing energy.

ISTJ: Probably a nice person, but too quiet for me to take particular interest in.

ISFJ: "Very sweet" is the best selling point here. This implies that this guy can be quite clingy at times, but will always be kind and considerate. I can tolerate that, especially since the Extroverts are pieces of shit.

INFJ: I would love to befriend one, except that getting too close is probably dangerous.

INTJ: Corner of the room? Please stay there and don't come back, jackass.

ISTP: Weird kid, not in the good way.

ISFP: The first part was fine, until it got to the smoking.

INFP: What can I say? I love my own MBTI? No, but really, if the INFP happens to have the same beliefs, this ship is sailing awesome, but if our beliefs are incongruent, the ship doesn't exist.

INTP: My favourite out of the Introverts, really. A guy who is smart and witty, but doesn't flaunt it around like an idiot Extrovert.

ESTP: The typical kind of guy that I know how to avoid and thus, don't mind.

ESFP: I have a feeling I'll hate this guy just because he is popular, but because he is insanely sweet and all, I would probably like him anyway.

ENFP: Once again, my real life preference for clumsy guys who seem to have their brains screwed on the wrong way. Oh why do I not know an ENFP guy? They are probably hunting whales in the North Pole or something.

ENTP: Seriously, shut up. There's a lesson to finish and if you want to argue, leave it for after class. I dislike class, but I dislike your voice more.

ESTJ: Boring.

ESFJ: I would find this guy a jackass.

ENFJ: Because of his popularity, I'd probably hate the shit out of him. Still, because he's going to save the planet, I have some kind of respect, albeit kept to myself.

ENTJ: The king of boring.

Top 3: ENFP, INTP, ISFJ

     Conclusion of the day? Well, I think I may like ENFPs, but I've never actually met one, at least not a male one. ENFPs are outgoing and sociable but very scatterbrained and clumsy. They usually radiate with bright energy and are typical Shounen main characters. For example, both Edward Elric from FMA and Uzumaki Naruto from Naruto are speculated to be mostly ENFP. 

     As much as I prefer the cooler and colder characters in Naruto, I think that in real life, I would like Naruto more. He seems like someone who will be very supportive, in terms of protecting someone physically or brightening up their day. As an ENFP, he may not be as intuitive or good at understanding emotions as an ENFJ, but compared to an ENFJ, an ENFP has a much brighter personality and it's that personality of theirs that make people like them, despite their weirdness. For me, that's what makes me think that while INFP is theoretically best matched with ENFJ, I want to know an ENFP instead.

Characters I'm Obsessed With #2: Sakamaki Reiji (Diabolik Lovers)

Sakamaki Reiji (Diabolik Lovers)
     I'm usually not a fan of reverse harems and I'm certainly not a fan of this one. I know what exactly it is about them I don't like and no, it's not because of the Shoujo category. Before I go on to explaining this preference of mine, here are some definitions for people who don't really have an affinity for anime and thus, don't understand the terms. I will be explaining other terms as I go on.

Reverse Harem: Reverse Harem is, as the name suggests, the reverse of Harem. In Harem, there is the main lead, who is always a male, surrounded by females. Thus, the opposite is true in Reverse Harem, where a female is the main character and she is constantly surrounded by good-looking men, i.e. Bishies. These men will compete for her affections for the most part, though this is not always the case.

Shoujo: "Shoujo" or "少女" is a term in Japanese that refers to girls between 7-18 years old. The genre of Shoujo in anime thus refers to any anime whose main intended audience are teenage girls. Common themes of this genre are romance, friendship, comedy, etc. with romance being the most common theme.

     To make this more interesting, instead of pointing out the character blatantly like I usually do, here's a video of the anime's opening theme. It reveals the main characters, albeit very briefly, so you can form your opinion about them first. Also, you can guess which one I like.

     In order of appearance, the male characters are Sakamaki Ayato, Sakamaki Kanato, Sakamaki Raito, Sakamaki Shuu. Sakamaki Reiji and Sakamaki Subaru.
   

     Yes, this is an anime about vampires, as you can clearly see from the fangs on Reiji. It's nothing like Twilight, I assure you, or I'd rather gouge my eyes out before I watch even a minute of this anime. 

     It doesn't surprise me at all that I like Reiji, given the anime stereotype that he fits in so well with. In fact, in anime, there is a character stereotyped accurately named "Spectacled Sadist". Reiji isn't just a Megane (Spectacled) character, but is also one of the biggest sadists. Well, all the Sakamaki brothers are sadists to some extent, but Reiji is that kind of hidden sadist, who is extremely prim and proper on the surface, but has some very, very strong sadist habits.

     Well, a little more on his character, from the Wiki page:

     "Sakamaki Reiji is the second eldest son of the Sakamaki household. Reiji and his older brother, Shuu, are the sons of Beatrix, second wife of Karlheinz, the Vampire King.

     Reiji has refined manners. Though he might have a polite, sophisticated way of speaking (which the creators describe to be "butler-like"), his words tend to come with a biting edge. He values rules and demands that they are followed by others, but he creates many strange rules. Despite how rigid he may seem, he still has some sense of humour (albeit a dry one).

     Although Reiji is the second son, he takes it upon himself to keep the house tidy, to manage household affairs, and to keep his brothers in line. His role in the family combined with his seemingly polite, gentlemanly posture often causes him to appear more like the eldest instead of his older brother Sakamaki Shuu.

     Shown by how he values rules, Reiji is a strict person towards both himself and those around him. He is an arrogant, prideful person who demands perfection and dislikes submitting to weaknesses. Though his words may be harsh, they shouldn't always be taken at face value. He is an extreme sadist, like the rest of his brothers, and his particular phrase is schadenfreude (pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune). Sometimes, he does or says something in order to get a reaction that amuses him.

     Along with his passion for experimenting and making potions/drugs, he loves to collect tea sets and kitchenware. His brothers sometimes use Reiji's love for kitchenware to coerce him into cooking for them by saying that they'll use the kitchen themselves - his brothers have a penchant for destroying it when they use it. Due to his love for collecting, Ayato often called him a tableware otaku."

     The problem with the anime is that, in a Reverse Harem, you would expect that at one point, every male character will have a sexual encounter with the main character. As a part-Yandere, that pisses me off.

Yandere: A combination of the words "Yan" and "Deredere", which means "Sick" and "Infatuation". Yandere refers to an anime character who is extremely affectionate, loving, merciful and gentle to the one they love, but can be brutal, psychotic and deranged. They are often easily jealous, leading to extreme acts of brutal murder.

     In other words, when I see this...

     I become like this...

     In other words, I would love to watch Diabolik Lovers to its finality, staring at Reiji the whole time with tons of fantasies in my head, but I would go batshit insane if Yui goes one step close to him. I don't know why but I have stronger Yandere tendencies towards anime characters than towards real-life people. Probably the fact that I can own an anime character in my mind, but not a real-life person. Am I Yandere? Partly. Though I can be quite Tsun too.

     Still, I really want to watch the anime, because when this happens...

Only in anime: Megane characters look good without their spectacles.

     I'm basicaly this person...

     Well, I'm basically done, so what's left is just me spamming pictures and Tumblr stuff related to Reiji.

That's basically how I felt, except that I knew that I have an obsession with Megane and sadist anime characters. Therefore, I don't feel that bad about it.

That is the face of a sadist thinking dirty, sadistic thoughts. As much as I fancy myself an S (sadist), Reiji is probably one of the few I would go M (masochist) for.

OMG, I'm officially married to Reiji! My life's purpose is fulfilled! Not.

Now that you mentioned it...*stares*...MMMM...nope, you're not the only one.

The Importance of Changing Impressions

     I believe that we exist in a society that is a little too obsessed with first impressions. Interviews are carried out on the basis of first impressions and so are blind dates. It's due to the lack of time, obviously, since we do not have the luxury of said commodity to spend hours upon hours and days upon days getting to know each and every being on this planet.

     Still, I feel like this culture that has been created people that are quick to pass judgement over the smallest bit of details they have regarding another person.

What's the Problem?
     Take today's hot newspaper article topic by the way: the one in which an ex-RGS student sues the school. A lot of outrage ensued and for a moment, I was caught up in it too. I found myself thinking that the girl was a terrible person who was either incredibly naive or incredibly self-centred. It was not until quite a while later, when the flood of such emotions have passed and I overheard my other classmates talking about it, that I began to question my judgements.

     I wasn't eavesdropping, not in the least, since those judgements were voiced pretty loudly. I'm not quite sure whether what I remember hearing was the general consensus on the issue, but I do recall many of the people in fiery discussion calling the girl a "horrible" or a "terrible" person. It's not a fair judgement, is it?

     The girl, as well as ourselves - we are at the age where we make foolish decisions and take ill-advised actions. As much as we don't want others to judge us based on one mistake we made, I'm sure we can extend the same willingness to understand towards the girl. Also, aren't we placing ourselves, very arrogantly I may add, upon a higher moral pedestal? None of us know the girl particularly well, not enough to understand her situation, her thought processes and her motivations. So who are we to pass judgement on her character? It would be horrible to imagine that just by making one mistake, the whole society decides to frame you as a terrible person.

     I'm not saying that what she did was something I agree with, because it's not. I believe what she did was wrong, I believe it was misguided. However, just because what a person did was horrible does not mean that person herself is a horrible person. Actions do define a person, but this is just one incident. If we were to pass judgement just based on this, it would be an over-generalisation.

     That's the problem with society today, I think. Judgements are passed too quickly one a person's character simply based on one meeting. It is important to know a person thoroughly before you make any judgements and that takes years upon years of interaction. Well, not exactly refrain from making judgements, but at least, make room for doubt. That's what I'm allowing myself to do for the girl in the article today - giving her the benefit of the doubt.

What's the Solution?
     I have this person in class who asks me, albeit not in front of everyone, what I think of certain people. My answer is almost always the same - "I don't know them well enough". That's true, is it not? It does sound sad that I don't know this many people, but it's the reality. Just a single year of being in someone's company does not give you any right to claim that you know the person entirely. Everyone is extremely complex, with a character shaped by years of experience. It's rather presumptuous to make judgements just after one year, isn't it?

    It is fine to pass judgements on a person's actions and that's what I normally do. I state certain situations that have happened before, followed by how that affects my impression of that person. Never once have I claimed to know anyone entirely, because I don't want to undermine the value of their life experiences. Yet, from what I see, that's not what most people do.

     People are quick to judge and I'm perhaps guilty of that, at least in the moment of things. If I'm encountered with an unexpected situation, I find myself quickly trying to pass a judgement. I do calm down and re-evaluate afterwards, but when a judgement is passed towards a person, the damage cannot be undone.

     So what's my solution to all this? I think that passing judgement is inevitable, because as humans, our minds constantly seek order and patterns. We have the need to classify people, categorise them, not in conventional means, but in ways that makes sense in our own minds. Because of that impulse, which comes from self-defense and need for security, we are quick to judge, quick to conclude, especially so in a fast-paced world like ours, where we don't have the time to sit down and think. My solution, therefore, is to not restrict yourself from passing judgement. Just make sure that before you are sure of your judgement, you don't voice it out, because that is what creates rumours and gossips.

     Keep your mind open, I think that's also extremely important. I know my situation is unique, that is, my ability to keep my mind open. It's something I'm proud of, but I don't brag about, because it's not necessarily a good thing always. My dad has often said that I'm indecisive and weak, because I'm unwilling to pass concrete judgements and decisions until I have the full story. It's not that I don't pass them at all, it's just that I change my mind when circumstances change, making me quite unpredictable and easily swayed. It may be bad as a personality trait, I mean, you are meant to be stubborn, somewhat. I do act stubborn, but I am full of doubt, always, about everything.

     What's important about this trait of mine is that you can pass first impressions. In fact, I make first impressions fairly quickly, about less than 5 minutes into knowing a person. These first impressions are not made based on conversation, simply by the way someone presents themselves and the atmosphere they bring along with them. Of course, these impressions aren't that straightforward.

An Example
     For example, to use a personal example really, there's this person I know who is generally accepted as quite charismatic. However, my judgement of him right now, is highly unconventional. Charisma is there, yes, but most people believe it is backed by confidence and knowledge. That, to me, is the exact opposite. When he argues, he sounds like he knows everything, but when you dissect his argument, like you should in any debate (this is where MUN experience comes into play), you realise that he talks in the most round-the-bush ways and makes absolutely no sense. He sounds like he makes plenty of sense, but he doesn't. He isn't even confident of what he says, especially when you pay attention to the speed difference between his words. The faster he speaks, the more unsure he is. Where exactly lies the charisma then? It's in other people's judgements.

     Most people aren't used to my very annoying manner of picking people's arguments apart, albeit, I don't do it openly. After all, that's the difference between debate and MUN. In debate, you pick apart arguments openly, because that is your job. In MUN, you pick open the arguments in your thoughts, but you don't voice it out unless necessary, because that would ruin the progress of discussion. In MUN, we encourage constructive argumentation, not destructive arguments. You are arguing to reach an agreement, not to completely shut another person down.

     Because of this, people are easily fooled by his quick and unnecessarily complicated speech. It makes no sense. It is highly destructive and non-constructive. He often attacks the other person's points instead of building upon it. He talks in a very convoluted way. In the end, when you write everything down, you realise, there isn't much at all. Still, when you listen to the rant, it's rather impressive. A trait of the Extroverts, I believe. That's what creates the impression of charisma, the ability to cover up flaws.

     Therefore, the first impression, often, for me at least, comes from what other people think of someone, i.e. "People think he is charismatic". But do "I" think the same? I don't know, not yet at least. And then comes the period of observation, which comes in different forms. In this example's case, it is the observation of his arguments, which is the key source of the first impression - "charisma". From there, I make my own conclusions, based on my own experiences or others. In this case, because I do have extensive experience in poking holes in people's arguments (I don't do it out loud because that creates too much troublesome conflict and I'm not in the mood for it...usually), I choose to rely on  my own experience. Then comes face-to-face interaction, which is only necessary if you are unhappy with the first and secondary impressions.

     He is quiet when not under pressure of expressing himself and it's a contemplative silence, because there is often a glint in people's eyes when their brains are moving fast. Still, there is a huge barrier and atmosphere of restraint, which means that the cover-up is still very much there. That is the extent I've reached before I gave up and that formed the final layer of impressions.

Bringing It Together
     So my advice is for you to form a first impression not based on personal opinion, but on general opinion. Then, by observation (not in a creepy or intrusive way), form the secondary layer of impression. This is often the thickest layer of impression and the one that changes the most, because most judgements are formed this way. The tertiary layer is formed only when two people are friends, or have the opportunity to spend time together away from large crowds. Being away from large crowds is important, because the presence of large crowds makes people hide even further into their shells, Introverted or not. The first layer of impression should always be there, if only existing to be questioned. The secondary layer is the most actively changing one, and you should allow it to be changed with every situation you encounter, yet the changes must not be too drastic. The tertiary layer is the one that should change your judgement the most, yet most people can't get too deep in that layer. I mean, I did give up already, because frankly, at one point, you get tired of people especially when you aren't getting enough to actually contribute to the tertiary layer.

In Conclusion
    Well, if you are comfortable sticking with your own methods, feel free. But I'm just suggesting my own way of doing things, which has worked so far. Maybe it's exclusive to silently contemplative people who are quite intentionally fake...like me? Maybe it works for everyone? Who knows? This is another attempt of mine to re-conciliate my thoughts after all.

The Immense Fear of Stagnation

     There are plenty of people who fear change, who are obsessed with maintaining a sense of security and stability. In fact, there are two phobia terms for that - "Metathesiophobia" and "Tropophobia". Yet, for some reason or another, my fear is the exact opposite and it appears that this phobia is so rare that there is no one term for it. Or, it is extremely complicated.

      I went to a local university for lunch today. It's one of the top universities both within the country and worldwide, yet, the idea that I may attend this university in the future scares me more than anything else in the world. It's not that I dislike this country - it is secure, it offers so many opportunities regardless of one's economic or social position (there is inequality, as there will always be anywhere, but it is minimised) and in fact, I believe that for a person who seeks security, they shouldn't want to move at all. That is not me, however, because it's the idea of stagnation and staying in a small country where I can travel from one end to another within 2 hours that scares me more than taking risks ever can.

     Maybe it's the way I was brought up, family issues and all. Independence has always been a great part of my life. Unlike my sister, my education at home, in the early years and beyond, were largely my own initiatives. In the early years, I was brought up by a nanny, who never cared much beyond satisfying basic needs. My father, for his entire life, lives within himself and for himself - he preaches those ideas too. He never does much in the family, unless he is in an exceptionally good mood. I realised as a child that I could not bank my life upon someone whose participation in my life was solely based upon his erratic emotions. My mother was always there, but in those early years of being a parent, she was also quite liberal and allowed me to do things as I like. It's under these conditions that I grew up.

     Now, that sort of independence can have 2 kinds of effects. 1, you could become extremely selfish, caring only for yourself, because that's all you know. Fortunately, I ended up with the 2nd effect, which made me a highly idealistic person, with lofty dreams that may be beyond my capabilities. I guess personally, effect 1 may be better, but for me, I think I can't live with myself if I spend my life living selfishly. I just feel like I have not realised my life.

     Basically, my point is that it is independence at a young age that has made me so unshakeable when it comes to my ideals and dreams. I'm the kind of person, and I know it deeply, that would go through as much suffering as I need to go overseas to study. It's not just the academia or the prestige, I care naught for the latter, in fact. I'm fine with going to a less well-known university, as long as it is overseas. And like I said, it's not that I hate this country, I just want to expand beyond these narrow shores. Of course, I still have my personal agenda, because I would like to go to England for my studies, but the school itself doesn't matter to me.

     I want to experience a society outside of the one I grew up in. I don't want to experience it, knowing it is temporary, but to experience it genuinely, as if I were to inhabit it for my entire life. Every society will be confining in its own way, but it's not ridiculous to assert that in a small country like this one, although security and stability is much higher, the feeling of freedom is suppressed. The government and nation has done much to try to alleviate the problem, but personally, I want to travel beyond the borders and feel life outside.

     As I walked through the local university today, I silently asked myself - How many of these people chose to come here just because it is easier and more secure? I understand, of course, the monetary burdens, the family attachments, but the need to be free and expand my horizons is greater for me. I would rather stay true to myself, then settle for something easy. To stay true to myself is to pursue that lofty dream of mine relentlessly, because I know, even if I cannot see it completely to fruition, I would have made enough of a change in the world to have given purpose to my life. For some, their dreams could be to settle down with a family and bring happiness to that family. For that, you need security, so yes, I do understand.

     And then comes the fear. I am willing to suffer as much as I need to, but what if that's not enough? What if, at the end of the day, I'm still going to have to permanently station myself here? My life could be comfortable, it could be secure, but I would have betrayed myself, I would feel like I have not lived life to the fullest. My hands were shaking as I thought of these and truth be told, I have never been so afraid. Because idealism can be deadly. It has made me adopt ideals more lofty than most, yet it'll probably drive me crazy if I can't realise it. After all, if my purpose in life lies on this, then what is life if I fail? Doesn't that purpose just disappear?

     Emotional rant, I know. But as I write, I'm trying to rationalise my thoughts. It's dangerous for me to go around with the fear still so deeply embedded in my mind.

INFP or INTP? Double MBTI Theory

     I was almost inclined to accept the fact that I am now officially an INTP, if not for the continuing INFP tendencies in my behaviour. I am still a highly emotional person and although I recognise that too deep of an emotional attachment can break a person, I still value emotions above logic in most situations. It was an official test, complete with both theory tests and practical, face-to-face tests involving scenarios, but as with all personality tests, there are faults.

     Personality tests require you to be perfectly honest with yourself. However, it is my theory and observation that the older a person gets and the more a person goes through, the deeper they bury their "true" selves. It's, more often than not, unintentional and it's more of a reaction than an action. It's not uncommon for people beyond a certain emotional maturity to completely lose a sense of what their "true" selves are, especially if that original self was not exactly very intuitive, thus making it difficult be surfaced under all that façade needed in life.

     Right now, I am entertaining the theory that, at the very core of my personality, I am still very much an INFP. I am highly idealistic and despite how much I think I've changed in the past four years (each year had it's own major incident) in regards to many things, my inner most desires and dreams have not changed. Even more, I think that, ironically, despite the fact that most of these incidents are supposed to drive me away from that idealism, they ended up strengthening it, to the point that values that were intangible before came to take the form of tangible goals. That INTP personality that has been surfaced is not negligible, however, and I believe that it is the usual façade I put on in situations that require emotional detachment (e.g. MUNs, arguments, studies).

The INFP Side

     It's quite difficult for me to confirm this theory with anyone, because INFP, being the hidden self, is often obscured from most. I have intentionally made it so, and whether I regret that decision is another story. It is within my intention that people who are acquaintances cannot pinpoint my personality. It is also within that intention that even friends can only see the INTP and very brief glimpses of INFP, only in times which I deem necessary (e.g. offering emotional support). There is only a handful of people, in my whole life, that can see the INFP. Perhaps, there are more, but those aren't people who I intentionally let that side of me be known.

     The reason isn't that I hate people. Quite the contrary. Firstly, INFPs are some of the most vulnerable people out there. We are too emotional, too idealistic, and therefore, we take things too personally. Anything that sounds remotely like an insult is, to us, an absolute insult. And we are the kind to take insults to heart, even if we don't show it. It's, therefore, for the need to feel secure and to maintain inner peace, that I choose to let so few people in. Secondly, INFPs' deeply emotional and perceptive nature allows us to feel hurt deeply, no matter whether it is our pain or other's. I don't show it, I rarely do. It's one of those pairs of contrasting talents I hold dear. The ability to sense what other people are feeling/thinking and the contrasting ability to pretend I don't notice it. Because of this perceptive nature, INFP's tend to be quite pessimistic on the inside, because as introverts, we tend to hold dark thoughts inside, instead of projecting them outwards. I truly believe that being able to feel others' sufferings is a blessing, but I also understand that other people might not feel the same way. It is not my place to burden another person with my dark thoughts and thus, the less a person knows me, the less obvious it is when my pessimism or depression is expressed outwardly.

     I would say that Charles Xavier from X-Men is probably an INFP, at least before all that shit happened to him. He holds great ideals that may seem impossible, wishing for harmony between humans and mutants. As a telepath, he has come to understand and care for people around him, no matter whether that care is projected outwardly or not. It can be argued that he is an ENFJ, because he has that sort of teacher-like personality, but that is more applicable to his older self. As the younger Professor X, in First Class and that timeline, Charles Xavier is very much an INFP. Perhaps all INFPs when nurtured properly become ENFJs in the end? Perhaps INFP is just a longer route to becoming an ENFJ? I don't know, but that's another theory. The point is, if you want to imagine an INFP, remember Charles Xavier before Erik Lehnsherr and Raven left him - the arrogant on the outside but kind and idealistic man on the inside.

The INTP Side

     Remaining a pure INFP in a world like this is painful. I know it myself because as much as I wish there were no suffering in this world and everyone can exist in harmony, it's a very far-fetched ideal. Like Charles Xavier, I want to become the force of change that brings the world closer to harmony and peace, yet like him, there are obstacles I have come across that makes me doubt myself. Of course, the obstacles I face are more personal and selfish than his (although Erik and Raven leaving is a deeply personal failure for him).

     So basically, whenever my INFP tendencies lead me into trouble, the kind of trouble that causes emotional scarring, it's like my T/F function takes a complete flip and becomes INTP. The INTP is coldly logical and when the INTP side of my personality is on the surface, I become quite obsessed with forming theories. Though forming theories is still a habit of mine even when I'm complying more to INFP tendencies, theory-forming becomes a method of self-protection when the INTP takes over.

     To make it less confusing, basically, whenever I take an action based on ideals or emotions and the action backfires, the INTP rises to the surface. I then take the basis of that ideal and try to apply logic to it. A very basic example would be...infatuation. If I am infatuated with someone, the INFP side idealises it to the point I take action and when it backfires, I end up taking the whole idea of "infatuation" and try to form theories around it. This way, I manage to distance and detach myself from an otherwise overwhelming emotion and at the same time, gaining a better logical understanding of it, since those theories are, more often than not, quite legitimate.

     The INTP wasn't always there and I suspect that it has been incidents over the past few years that has developed such a natural defence system. Whenever I feel the threat of becoming too emotionally involved with some situation or someone, I take a step back and try to rationalise the situation. 

So, INFP or INTP?

      One can easily argue that since INTP has become an instinctive reflex of mine towards threatening situations, I am more of an INTP than an INFP. However, like I've mentioned before, I still believe that INFP is the core of my personality, while INTP is simply a mask that I wear.

     INTP is the mask of superiority. People think I'm egoistic and I also exemplify egoistic tendencies. I brag, I show-off and I tend to mock people of lower intelligence. The INTP is also what makes people believe that my interest in Business and Finance is solely because I am materialistic and I like money. However, people who know me as an INFP would understand that money is just a means to a greater end, because I understand that many of my goals cannot be reached without financial backing. What I wish to achieve is to gain enough money from doing business and to set-up a non-profit organisation to help people in poverty areas. Perhaps, if possible, I would like to personally travel to such areas to help out. 

      Whatever my goal is in the end, it remains that it is extremely idealistic. For the good of humankind? It sounds like something out of a movie, but being an INFP at the core, it seems impossible for me to let go of such ideals. INTP is a mask I have constructed, after having that naturally naive INFP side of me hurt, so that I can deal with the realities of the world while preserving my INFP dreams.

      So, the conclusion is that, while the test revealed me to be an INTP, I still believe strongly that I am an INFP, with the mask of an INTP. Perhaps it is for the best? I like it this way, because I don't think that I am a person who can settle for anything less idealistic than my currently dreams. 

Characters I'm Obsessed With #1: Charles Xavier (X-Men)

     There are many fictional characters that I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with. Of course, more often than not, these characters are simply gorgeous men, but the obsession goes beyond appearances. There's always something about the character's personality that I admire greatly, a personality that I wish that I could have.

     I have never read any of the X-Men comics, shame, but I don't really have the time for it. Still, I guess I could call myself a hardcore movie-verse fan, because I'm literally a walking Encyclopaedia on the subject. Then again, for many things that I like - favourite movies, books or games - I pride myself in becoming such an Encyclopaedia, knowing way more than is necessary.

     One of such characters that I am unhealthy obsessed with is Charles Xavier from X-Men. Both the old and young versions, I mean. Of course, the obsession leans towards the younger version more, because he was much more relatable back then, not to mention that his actor, James McAvoy, is just bloody glorious with his stunning blue eyes.

     Did I ever mention how much of a sucker I am for blue eyes? It's to the point that it doesn't even seem like I have a choice. There's this quote I've seen online, which was meant to be a joke, but it's pretty relevant here. "A brain is an amazing thing. It starts working from the moment you are born and never stops, except when you die or when you see an amazingly attractive guy." Given that a relatively cute guy on the street can make my brain blank out for seconds (sadly these guys don't exist in school...or it's blessing in disguise), James McAvoy's blues makes me all kinds of brain-dead. Funny, because Charles Xavier is a telepath, the furthest thing from being brain-dead.

     For anyone who hasn't seen the films (shame on you), I'll try to explain Charles' character without spoiling much. 

     Charles Xavier is a mutant, which is a species that possesses superpowers due to a mutation in a certain gene (I forgot what it's called). His superpower is telepathy or the power to read minds and project his own thinking into other people's thoughts. Charles is an exception telepath, if telepaths aren't already amazing enough, whose telepathic range is extremely wide, but such powers doesn't come without a cost. Before he could control his powers, his telepathy caused him to sense and feel other people's emotions and thoughts without regulation. This meant that he constantly heard voices in his head and he felt people's pain and suffering on top of his own. Charles believes that mutants and humans should live as equals and his goal in life is to show and make this co-existence possible.

     There's the premise of my obsession with the character.

     I would think that as a telepath with uncontrolled powers, everyday of my life would be a nightmare. Despite the triviality of most of the situations I've been through, the agony I get from such situations is almost unbearable. Take that kind of pain and multiply by hundreds upon thousands, since as a telepath, you can hear other people's sadness too. When people hate you, you can't unhear it either, because their accusations sound as clear as daylight. Living in the universe of X-Men, where many humans show so much hatred towards mutants, it is inevitable that, even as a child, Charles knew and was able to see the injustice in the world and the cruelty of humans.

     Yet, when compared to Erik Lehnsherr, whose hatred of humans comes from a personal grudge, Charles is ever the optimist, always believing the best of both humans and mutants. Of course, in Days of Future Past, you see that drunken and hysteric Charles, who has turned to drugs and all, but even then, he shows care and concern for humans beyond what they deserve - considering the humans are trying to kill them and all. 

     I don't understand why many people like Magneto more than Professor X. Yes, I often like the villains more than the goody-two-shoes, but I think in the later movies that have shown Charles in his youth, you see the vulnerable side of Charles. You see his struggles, having his dreams fall apart around him and being abandoned by his only family and best friend. Yet, you think to the old Charles and how he still continues to live his dream of harmonious relationship between human and mutant.

     The key difference between him and Magneto is that Charles' hatred of anything is directed at himself, while Magneto takes it out on people around him. While Charles seems like a desperate and pitiful creature at the start of Days of Future Past when Logan just arrived, it is important to note that as much as he is abusing himself, Magneto is instead taking his brand of hatred out on humans and shedding blood everywhere. 

      It's an inspiration, really, that I draw from Charles Xavier as a character. That no matter how the world seems to be against him the whole time - destroying the school he created, Raven and Erik leaving him after Erik broke his spine with a bullet, his inability to control his overly strong telepathic powers leading him to alcoholism, etc - in the end, Charles never let go of his ideals. Magneto's ideals are very much shaped by his anger and hatred, and while Charles seems more naive (which I doubt because...he's a telepath), his ideals make him a much more likeable character.

      So it's the appearance of the character. He has beautiful blue eyes and while he is less masculine-looking than Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy has a sweeter appearance, in my opinion at least. It's also his superpower. Telepathy is by far my favourite superpower and while I understand the dangers and cost of it, it doesn't deter me from wanting a power like that. Of course, in X-Men, a telepath is also an empath, since there seems to be no distinction between reading thoughts and emotions. It doesn't matter to me if it'll make me feel the pain of others...no, that is actually a gift. 

      But more than anything, it is the personality of Charles Xavier that makes him a character that I'm just utterly obsessed with. Although I'm not going to turn to drugs or alcohol any time soon, since I'm experiencing nothing as painful as he seemed to be going through between First Class and Days of Future Past. I want to be able to hold as much faith as he has towards his dreams, so much so that even in his darkest times, they are still present within him. 

     Also, have I mentioned how as a powerful telepath, he is capable of enslaving humankind by bending their thoughts? But Charles is no such person. He uses his telepathy to understand others and guide them, but never purposefully intrudes upon others' thoughts. Perhaps once, he used to manipulate people, out of care for them, but after the events of Days of Future Past, he also came to understand that while he can guide others to a good path, sometimes they have to find it themselves. That makes me like him even more. He is a mutant with the ability to dominate the world in the blink of an eye, but attempts to achieve his goals through other less intrusive means. His high morals, present even in his darkest times, makes me like him even more.

     Charles is a character who is arrogant, as in when his younger self was first introduced, but possesses understanding and acceptance beyond a normal person's - helping and believing in humans despite all he probably knows about their hate of mutant-kind. He holds himself to high morals and never imposes his ideas on people, even though it is extremely easy for him to do so. All he has to do is to introduce that suggestion into a person's thoughts. He can even make Magneto (without his helmet of course) believe that Charles' cause is his cause, but he doesn't, because he believes in leaving other's free will intact.

     I believe I've ranted enough. Despite all the apparent dislike I have for Magneto, I do believe that Charles is probably able to make him a better person, if the circumstances were different. That's the reason why Cherik - Charles x Erik - is one of my favourite shippings of all time. Sure, there isn't romance between them in the movies, but there is a brotherly love between them that is extremely apparent. You can even see that in the first few movies, in their older selves. Take for example, these quotes from the movies.