Personality tests require you to be perfectly honest with yourself. However, it is my theory and observation that the older a person gets and the more a person goes through, the deeper they bury their "true" selves. It's, more often than not, unintentional and it's more of a reaction than an action. It's not uncommon for people beyond a certain emotional maturity to completely lose a sense of what their "true" selves are, especially if that original self was not exactly very intuitive, thus making it difficult be surfaced under all that façade needed in life.
Right now, I am entertaining the theory that, at the very core of my personality, I am still very much an INFP. I am highly idealistic and despite how much I think I've changed in the past four years (each year had it's own major incident) in regards to many things, my inner most desires and dreams have not changed. Even more, I think that, ironically, despite the fact that most of these incidents are supposed to drive me away from that idealism, they ended up strengthening it, to the point that values that were intangible before came to take the form of tangible goals. That INTP personality that has been surfaced is not negligible, however, and I believe that it is the usual façade I put on in situations that require emotional detachment (e.g. MUNs, arguments, studies).
The INFP Side
It's quite difficult for me to confirm this theory with anyone, because INFP, being the hidden self, is often obscured from most. I have intentionally made it so, and whether I regret that decision is another story. It is within my intention that people who are acquaintances cannot pinpoint my personality. It is also within that intention that even friends can only see the INTP and very brief glimpses of INFP, only in times which I deem necessary (e.g. offering emotional support). There is only a handful of people, in my whole life, that can see the INFP. Perhaps, there are more, but those aren't people who I intentionally let that side of me be known.
The reason isn't that I hate people. Quite the contrary. Firstly, INFPs are some of the most vulnerable people out there. We are too emotional, too idealistic, and therefore, we take things too personally. Anything that sounds remotely like an insult is, to us, an absolute insult. And we are the kind to take insults to heart, even if we don't show it. It's, therefore, for the need to feel secure and to maintain inner peace, that I choose to let so few people in. Secondly, INFPs' deeply emotional and perceptive nature allows us to feel hurt deeply, no matter whether it is our pain or other's. I don't show it, I rarely do. It's one of those pairs of contrasting talents I hold dear. The ability to sense what other people are feeling/thinking and the contrasting ability to pretend I don't notice it. Because of this perceptive nature, INFP's tend to be quite pessimistic on the inside, because as introverts, we tend to hold dark thoughts inside, instead of projecting them outwards. I truly believe that being able to feel others' sufferings is a blessing, but I also understand that other people might not feel the same way. It is not my place to burden another person with my dark thoughts and thus, the less a person knows me, the less obvious it is when my pessimism or depression is expressed outwardly.
I would say that Charles Xavier from X-Men is probably an INFP, at least before all that shit happened to him. He holds great ideals that may seem impossible, wishing for harmony between humans and mutants. As a telepath, he has come to understand and care for people around him, no matter whether that care is projected outwardly or not. It can be argued that he is an ENFJ, because he has that sort of teacher-like personality, but that is more applicable to his older self. As the younger Professor X, in First Class and that timeline, Charles Xavier is very much an INFP. Perhaps all INFPs when nurtured properly become ENFJs in the end? Perhaps INFP is just a longer route to becoming an ENFJ? I don't know, but that's another theory. The point is, if you want to imagine an INFP, remember Charles Xavier before Erik Lehnsherr and Raven left him - the arrogant on the outside but kind and idealistic man on the inside.
The INTP Side
Remaining a pure INFP in a world like this is painful. I know it myself because as much as I wish there were no suffering in this world and everyone can exist in harmony, it's a very far-fetched ideal. Like Charles Xavier, I want to become the force of change that brings the world closer to harmony and peace, yet like him, there are obstacles I have come across that makes me doubt myself. Of course, the obstacles I face are more personal and selfish than his (although Erik and Raven leaving is a deeply personal failure for him).
So basically, whenever my INFP tendencies lead me into trouble, the kind of trouble that causes emotional scarring, it's like my T/F function takes a complete flip and becomes INTP. The INTP is coldly logical and when the INTP side of my personality is on the surface, I become quite obsessed with forming theories. Though forming theories is still a habit of mine even when I'm complying more to INFP tendencies, theory-forming becomes a method of self-protection when the INTP takes over.
To make it less confusing, basically, whenever I take an action based on ideals or emotions and the action backfires, the INTP rises to the surface. I then take the basis of that ideal and try to apply logic to it. A very basic example would be...infatuation. If I am infatuated with someone, the INFP side idealises it to the point I take action and when it backfires, I end up taking the whole idea of "infatuation" and try to form theories around it. This way, I manage to distance and detach myself from an otherwise overwhelming emotion and at the same time, gaining a better logical understanding of it, since those theories are, more often than not, quite legitimate.
The INTP wasn't always there and I suspect that it has been incidents over the past few years that has developed such a natural defence system. Whenever I feel the threat of becoming too emotionally involved with some situation or someone, I take a step back and try to rationalise the situation.
So, INFP or INTP?
One can easily argue that since INTP has become an instinctive reflex of mine towards threatening situations, I am more of an INTP than an INFP. However, like I've mentioned before, I still believe that INFP is the core of my personality, while INTP is simply a mask that I wear.
INTP is the mask of superiority. People think I'm egoistic and I also exemplify egoistic tendencies. I brag, I show-off and I tend to mock people of lower intelligence. The INTP is also what makes people believe that my interest in Business and Finance is solely because I am materialistic and I like money. However, people who know me as an INFP would understand that money is just a means to a greater end, because I understand that many of my goals cannot be reached without financial backing. What I wish to achieve is to gain enough money from doing business and to set-up a non-profit organisation to help people in poverty areas. Perhaps, if possible, I would like to personally travel to such areas to help out.
Whatever my goal is in the end, it remains that it is extremely idealistic. For the good of humankind? It sounds like something out of a movie, but being an INFP at the core, it seems impossible for me to let go of such ideals. INTP is a mask I have constructed, after having that naturally naive INFP side of me hurt, so that I can deal with the realities of the world while preserving my INFP dreams.
So, the conclusion is that, while the test revealed me to be an INTP, I still believe strongly that I am an INFP, with the mask of an INTP. Perhaps it is for the best? I like it this way, because I don't think that I am a person who can settle for anything less idealistic than my currently dreams.
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