Recently, I've learnt something about the MBTI that overturned my previous connotations. I would blame those misguided theories on the highly simplistic ways that the Internet tends to classify different types. While information on E-I, S-N and T-F are mostly true, it's the complicated nature of J-P that tends to throw people off.
What the Internet Says
Most simplistic readings on differentiating J-P tend to classify them as highly exclusive types. Js are known to be more orderly, decisive and are much calmer. Ps, on the other hand, are laid-back and absolutely hate having to schedule anything. Take, for example, ENFJ and ENFP. ENFJ is usually the charismatic leader who is good with people. On the other hand, ENFP is the hyperactive scatterbrain who is also good with people, but is much more haphazard in the way they deal with things. In other words, Js are the type that need to live with a schedule while Ps are the type that cannot deal with schedules. In general, there are more females that are Js than males.
The Truth
While it is generally true that J-P follows such a trend, in INFP vs INFJ especially, you see quite the opposite. This has to do with the fact that J-P do not function as separate entities from the others. They are a combination of all other three functions. What do I mean? Let's take the functions of INFP and INFJ into account.
As adapted from the Myers and Briggs website, this is the description of the J-P functions:
"The J or P preference only tells which preference the person extraverts. One person may feel very orderly/structure (J) on the inside, yet their outer life looks spontaneous and adaptable (P). Another person may feel very curious and open-minded (P) in their inner world, yet their outer life looks more structured or decided (J)."
But how can a person tell? Most people don't even know themselves that well. Fortunately, the website has that covered as well.
"Judging (J)
I use my decision-making (J) preference (whether it is T or F) in my outer life. To others, I seem to prefer a planned or orderly way of life, like to have things settled and organised, feel more comfortable when decisions are made and like to bring life under control as much as possible."
"Perceiving (P)
I use my perceiving function (whether it is S or N) in my outer life. To others, I seem to prefer a flexible and spontaneous way of life, and I like to understand and adapt to the world rather than organise it. Others see me staying open to new experiences and information."
Well, this may blow your mind but...I DISAGREE.
Of course I have evidence for this and it's a glaring evidence. Taking the first line you see "I use my decision-making (J) preference (T/F) in my outer life". Then take a look at the INFJ and INFP table above. Instead of having T or F as the dominant function for INFJ, INFJ has N instead, which is a perceiving function. Then look at INFP, it has a decision-preference instead.
Therefore, there is still an ounce of truth, though not much of it. To see whether a person is more inclined towards decision-making or leaving things open, you look at their dominant function. However, that does not define J or P. This is mostly true for most Introverts, but mostly for INFP and INFJ, which are very easily confused (I mean, I was confused, for a long time).
INFP vs INFJ: 5 Ways to Differentiate
There may be no types mistaken for each other more than INFJs and INFPs. And while they may look similar from the outside, they are very different creatures inside. Add to that, INFJs and INFPs are two of the personality types most interested in personality psychology, so an incomplete understanding of how these two types are differentiated can cause a lot of personal frustration, like the one I was having before. This has led to many internet arguments, since their difference defy the general consensus.
1. Their Driver Processes, aka Dominant Functions
The Driver process can also be called the "dominant cognitive function". It is the mind's first point of contact and the primary lens through which everything gets filtered.
For an INFJ, this dominant process is technically called Introverted Intuition, nicknamed "Perspectives". Perspectives is a learning function (technically called a perceiving function) and works by watching one's own mind form patterns. After years of use, eventually Perspectives begins to see the "pattern of the patterns" and understands that what is happening inside of themselves cognitively is also happening for other people.
INFPs, on the other hand, lead with a process called Introverted Feeling, which we call "Authenticity". Authenticity is a decision-making function (technically called a judging function), and works by being deeply in touch with how one is emotionally impacted by events. Decisions are made by "checking in" to ensure that they are in alignment with one's values and identity. There is a saying that the more personal something is the more universal it is. Over time, Authenticity understands that they aren't alone in their feelings. They are simply more aware of them than other types.
Both already have very different world views. What's even more confusing, is that while they are both quite indecisive, the indecisiveness is derived from different reasons.
For an INFP, because their decision-making process can take time, it can feel grueling to be pressured to make a quick call. Each decision needs to be in alignment with the INFP's values, and even a decision as simple as what salad to order can be a frustration if, say, their relationship with food has become a part of how they define themselves. That to me is actually quite bizarre, pointing out to me that I'm actually not an INFP. I find decision-making processes like this to be a sign of fetishism or obsession.
On the other hand, since INFJs are more removed from their decision-making process of Harmony, it's usually over time that they become frustrated with the inability to make a final call. Like in real life, I often want other people to make a decision on where to meet and what time, but if the decision isn't being made after a while, I get annoyed and decide upon it by myself. They are less likely to agonise over smaller decisions because not every decision is a reflection of their identity. In other words, if it doesn't involve me, I often don't care what decision is being made. Even if it involves me, decision is only made when people are starting to frustrate me.
I think one important thing to realise is that INFPs go straight into a situation, trying to make a final decision. INFJs are often more laid-back, allowing their decisions to change again and again. It is only when the Harmony factor (Extroverted Feeling) is compromised, that they utilise that auxiliary function and move in to take action.
2. Evaluation of Emotional Significance
The Harmony (Extroverted Feeling) person might ask themselves something like "What get's everyone needs met?" "How do I create harmony both within interpersonal relationships and the context/environment?" In order to know the "right" choice, other people's emotions become the most interesting piece of information. They're ultimately the feedback mechanism needed to determine a decision was the right one, because it's their emotions that tell you if their needs are getting met and/or if they're experiencing any form of conflict.
On the other hand, Introverted Feeling is nicknamed "Authenticity" because it's about the individual's emotional experience. It's about checking in with one's own emotions to determine if an action is the "right" one.
If offending others is more distressing than offending yourself, you are more likely using Harmony. And if you're willing to be a total pariah in behalf of your convictions, you're more likely using Authenticity. That is why I believe I'm an INFJ too. It's not that I'm super generous or anything, but I don't feel as in-tuned with my emotions as I'm supposed to be as an INFP. I don't possess the poetic abilities that INFPs possess and in fact, share a lot more in common with INFJ, since I often find myself feeling other people's projected emotions, but not really reflecting it back. I can feel their pain, but I can also feel distinctly that the pain is theirs and not mine.
Instead of seeing it as a variation of being true to oneself, it is more helpful to see it as "serving other's needs first in order to get your own needs met" (Harmony) versus "honouring one's own experience first in order to honour other's experience" (Authenticity).
3. "Absorbing" and "Mirroring" Emotions
This may be the biggest confusion between the two types. It's definitely the source of endless internet battles for supremacy of "who's the most empathetic type". The truth is, thought, that both INFJs and INFPs have an almost magical ability to understand the emotional human experience. The way they go about is what differentiates them.
I once heard a description for "empathy" as "Your pain my heart". For an INFJ, this couldn't be more true. INFJs absorb other people's emotional energy, whether they want to or not. If it's powerful and there -- friend or foe, intimate or stranger -- your pain is in their heart. I find this to be very true for me. One of the many occasions was a time when I was counselling my friend out of doing something absolutely stupid to herself. While she was crying to me, I could distinctly feel her pain, almost as if it were my own, because I felt the extent of the emotional pain physically -- you know, the sort where the emotional torment actually manifests as a pain in your body. However, the thing remained that I didn't cry at all, because somehow, I could still tell that the pain was hers and it was simply being shared with me. There was no reason for me to reflect her pain back. That's what makes me more INFJ, I suppose.
The combination of Perspectives (getting into other's heads) and Harmony (having other people's emotions on their radar all the time) seems to converge into this superpower (absorbing emotions), a gift that most INFJs would trade away if they could. Seriously though, I cannot deny it. It makes me too damn emotional. When people need me to give solid and objective advice, I cannot afford to have their pain permeating into me every second. Still, I have expressed my love of Charles Xavier's version of Telepathy -- which is more telepathy with empathy - and I must say, it is an honour to be able to have a "superpower" like that...though not to his extent. On one hand, I want to get rid of this, but on the other, I treasure greatly my ability to feel other's pain.
Since Authenticity is their Driver process, this ability becomes unconscious competence for INFPs and they may not even register when they're doing it. This is why Authenticity Drivers (INFPs and ISFPs) are easily the greatest actors and performers of all the types. Putting on a new emotion can be as easy as swapping jackets.
When in the presence of another person's strong emotion, it's not that the INFP is absorbing it, they're mirroring it. Since this is exceptionally easy for them to do, it's usually a surprise to discover that other people can't even come close to this ability. The nuance of their ability to mirror another person's emotional experience can feel like absorbing since it's so spot on. But, remember -- this isn't another person's emotion in the INFP's heart. This is years and years of the INFP mapping emotions within themselves and finding the closest proximity to what the other person is experiencing.
If those aren't evidence enough that I'm an INFJ already, I have more information, answering my doubts all this time:
To absorb another's emotion, both the INFJ and the other person have to be together in real time. This isn't post-processing emotional experience, it's an emotion hitting the INFJ due to energetic proximity. I know I can sense another person's tranquillity, their panic and their guilt, and it's not because I can read certain signs. It's an "aura", as I like to call it. Everyone has their own "aura" and I have assigned colours to all of them.
For an INFP, it's about finding the emotion the other person is -- was -- or will be experiencing within themselves. The emotion can be bound through time via works of art, literature, journals and any/every other way we as people express our emotions. And this was what made me doubt my INFP analysis in the first place. I am, by no means, good at these things. I'm probably the biggest blockhead in class when it comes to understanding the emotions of the people in a text. I can't talk to them! I can't feel them! How am I suppose to know they are feeling frustrated? Literature is not my strong suit, neither do I particularly like it. Why waste time burying your face in books when you can be listening to someone else tell a better story?
4. Being Understood vs Being Validated
Both the INFJ and INFP personality types run into the problem of feeling misunderstood. For INFJs, the Perspectives process gives them an insight to other people that is unmatched, and it can be disconcerting to realise other people don't have the same superpower. The result is a lot of one-sided relationships. Wow, that was a low-blow! But I suppose...that's what happened, isn't it?
On top of that, the Perspectives process is itself quite mysterious to other people. Both INxJ types (INFJs and INTJs) learn to keep their speculations to themselves. "Just knowing" stuff feels like precognition to others and can make them uncomfortable.
INFPs face feeling misunderstood because no one could possibly know them as well as they know themselves. The Authenticity process is a deep pool of nuanced self-awareness, and it's truly impossible to communicate all the variety within themselves to another person.
If you peel back the layers, however, it's not that INFPs have a challenge in being fully misunderstood. If anyone else ever actually "fully" understood them that would actually be a bad sign -- it would mean that the INFP had lost some of their individuality or that they're dangerously close to being too similar to other people. This confuses me, really. While I do treasure my individuality as an INFP should, I don't think it bad if I become a little bit like the others. After all, aren't I part of this world too? If I become like them, I would understand them more, right?
INFJs aren't nearly as invested in others believing they have good motive. They are far more likely to be tuned into the motives and motivations of others to give a lot of thought about whether the other person believes the INFJ has a positive intent. That's true. I don't need validation for my actions, I just need you to know that I'm not about to hurt you.
Where an INFP can lose awareness of other people if they're really excited by a topic, INFJs never lose awareness of other people. Okay...wait. If you are excited but no one is there...then what are you being excited for exactly? In fact, that's why INFJs generally need more alone time than INFPs. The only real distance INFJs get from other people is when they're truly physically alone, and this is generally used to recharge their batteries for the next trip into the outer world. See, if I were an ENFJ instead of INFJ, I wouldn't need to recharge...
5. How Each Type Leads and Persuades
INFJs - using the Perspectives process - often solve problems and persuade others by offering alternative perspectives. In fact, they generally solve problems by shifting perspectives until the solution becomes clear. They offer these shifts as "a-ha" moments. So I'm not being indecisive...I'm just giving you some choices.
INFPs - using Authenticity process - are more masters of emotional Aikido. Since they understand how emotions flow within the self, they can use this to redirect the emotional energy in another person, getting them to feel what they want them to feel. Isn't this emotional manipulation?! Hello?! Isn't that a bad thing!
I think everything has been cleared up. I have another person I know who is an INFP, and all this time, he is the reason why I think I'm not one. I never felt any sense of similarity between us and in fact, I find him very emotionally selfish. The way he interacts with my other friend, the way he treats her, to me, feels extremely self-centred. Now that I realise I'm actually an INFJ, who thought she was an INFP. I really believed in the J-P thing before, but now I realise, INFJ is actually more flexible than INFP. Also, that means I'm not compatible with ENFJ, which is excellent. In fact, that explains why I think the scatterbrained ENFP is quite interesting. But, it also explains why I felt like I understood that ENFJ so much, because we share the same functions, just in different order (INFJ - Ni, Fe; ENFJ - Fe, Ni). I do understand him, I think.
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