I was watching multiple Draw My Life videos today and, as someone who is soon going to make a heavy decision in my life, I found myself relating to experiences in these videos. Furthermore, I am attracted to cheerful personalities, especially those on Youtube. My parents, who, despite being in the technological field, are very patronising towards a career such as those of Youtubers, naturally possess very biased views. They believe that these gamers that I watch are nothing more than immature children whose parents have pampered them to the point that they never grew out of video games. Obviously, that can't be the whole truth, but I've known my parents long enough to know that once their opinions have become fixed, there is no changing them...and they wouldn't even try to understand at that point.
It is quite...comforting...for me to witness that these Youtubers have been through many troubling times of their own. Some of them even made me feel as if I'm acting like a spoilt child - what they have been through greatly exceeds what I have been through. Even though my parents will be divorcing soon, and it's pretty much inevitable at this point, they are at least rational enough to keep out of each other's faces to avoid confrontation. I feel like I'm not being grateful enough for what I have, lacking both the strength and courage to overcome obstacles in life.
Of course, I am also the person who once said to a friend that "You can't compare one person's experiences to another. Just because one 's experiences seem less impactful in comparison to another, does not mean it is, in fact, less impactful. It depends on how you view it - if you give it enough importance, then it is as important as you dictate it to be." That friend was upset because the guy she liked mocked her for feeling upset about something he found to be naive and childish in the context of his life. You can't look at it like that.
What I'm trying to get at here is...while I'm keeping my eyes on the prize and not looking back, I should never lose sight of myself and those who matter to me. I see what these Youtubers go through, the losses they've experienced, and I become fearful that what I may have now...I may be taking them for granted.
I have my flaws as a person, some of them very fatal and very obvious, such as the lack of perseverance in areas that I deem to be unimportant. Yes, I have a goal for the future. Yes, I have a dream for the world. But just because I deem something to be unimportant, doesn't mean it isn't actually important. I keep saying that one must do things with the end in mind...but I suppose one has to also consider things in the short-run at times. This is very obvious...but I wish to know more. I want to know specifically what it is that I'm lacking, so that when the time comes that I lose something important, I don't end up regretting it. Instead of whining and being upset about how my emotional maturity places me ahead of others my age...perhaps I really should be more grateful for it and pursue greater maturity.
I know a lot of people mock the concept of MBTI, or are suspicious of it. I, myself, see many flaws with the system. It's not the flaws in the theory, but how people interpret it. I know it myself that as an INFJ, my habit is to categorise people in order to understand them better. It's an Ni thing, I know, because Ni seeks to find patterns and INFJs want to find patterns in human understanding. But I am also aware that not everyone fits into the extreme definitions of their type. After all, your MBTI is graded upon a scale, with percentage inclinations towards the two ends of the spectrums (E-I, S-N, T-F, J-P). Why can an INFJ be easily mistyped as ENFJ or INTJ? Because most people don't incline that heavily towards one side. The fact that INFJ can be mistyped as INFP, who shares no functions, is evidence that MBTI isn't all that accurate for people whose personalities are quite neutral.
But I know that I'm quite a strong INFJ. I have taken the MBTI test multiple times from multiple sources, and while I did get ENFJ many times, I am very aware that I am definitely not Extroverted. Any extroversion is a pretence, because I do find comfort and relaxation in solitude, seeking excitement in company. So my primary function is definitely an introverted function.
But there are 4 different introverted functions - Ti, Fi, Ni and Si. I know, for sure, that Ti and Si are out of the question. Ti is derived from logical thinking, the inner consistency of rational thought. Si is derived from traditions and sticking with what is known, the inner consistency of habit. As calm a face as I can put on, I know I'm a very emotional person, easily brought to tears. After all, many Draw My Life videos cause me to cry, because I feel both their pain and the happiness they get from their job. I'm also not one to care much about tradition and culture, I find them very regressive and inhibiting towards progress. Ni and Fi may be confusing, but after knowing me for a period of time, it's quite obvious that I actually detest Fi because I find it to be selfish. I find it ridiculous that a person can live on this earth and actually be more absorbed in their own emotions than that of others. I mean I get it, and I suppose I can sympathise, but by Sithis, I cannot be that way.
Then my second function, the auxiliary function, is an extroverted function - Te, Fe or Se (Ne is eliminated since I already have Ni). It's quite obvious from above that F is my second function, after all, Ni doesn't make one an easily moved person. Both Fi and Fe cry a lot, but Fi cry because they can relate (i.e. I've been through it, I understand), Fe cry because they can empathise (I can feel your emotions, I understand).
With that settled, Ti and Se fall right into place. This is how it works, for those who don't know. If your dominant function is N (like me), then your last (inferior) function is the opposite, i.e. S. So, for example, in the case of ISTPs, their primary function is Ti, so their last function is Fe, the exact opposite.
My identity as an INFJ is irrefutable, that's my point. By right, it's surprising that I can be mistaken for an ENFJ, because I think I'm the kind of INFJ who is more easily confused for an INTJ. I tend to act quite coldly towards those I don't know...because of past experiences. The INFJs who have had a more smooth life and learnt to be quite open early in life are those more likely to mistype as ENFJs. The logical, quiet and analytical INFJ who hides a lot, like me, are mistaken for INTJs instead. Of course, I think people with good enough intuition (like the bare minimum), can sense that I am a little off from your typical INTJ.
So here is an article I'm reading about INFJs, in the attempt to understand myself a little better by seeing whether I have committed some of the mistakes mentioned.
The "Other Side" of the INFJ
"Negative" Aspects of the INFJ
As with all types, what primarily imbues the INFJ with "negative" aspects or "shortcomings" is less an innate fault of the type itself and more particularly a product of the level of growth or individuation (of lack thereof) in that individual. Most other criticism of the INFJ, particularly if the INFJ is acting authentically and not in the grip of the ego, is subjective distaste from the observer likely likely resulting from that observer's lack of preference for any of the INFJ's predominant functions. In other words, it wouldn't be fair, or even accurate, to claim that a negative aspect of the INFJ is that they use too much introverted intuition (Ni), since this is their dominant function! What other choice does the INFJ have? It would be more appropriate to criticise a particular abuse (i.e. user error) of Ni than to call Ni in itself inherently "negative". With that said, for those INFJs who are early on in their individuation process, who haven't figured out how to balance the inferior functions with their dominant ones, or who don't wield their dominant functions with humility, negative traits will emerge.
As previously noted, the INFJ's reputation as prophetic, insightful, "spiritually wise", etc, precedes the INFJ herself. The mystical nature of this "elusive" type is a credo that has pervaded the MBTI internet discussion boards and books authored by established typological experts alike - a credo, in my observation, that INFJs are happy to propagate. After all, there is something romantic about this perception of the INFJ as rare and unusual. It would be fallacious to suggest, however, that "rare" necessarily translates to "special" or "favoured". INFJs who abuse their "1st" percentile status in support of the idea that rarity is the central defining characteristic of the INFJ and a great way to set them apart from the rest of the typological "riff-raff" are missing the point. At worst, combine this with an immature or undeveloped INFJ's propensity for "know it all" behaviour and you have a killer recipe.
At this point, since the weakness identification has began, I will try to compare myself with these accusations. I don't like being criticised, but I'll try my best. I think that I am an INFJ who is proud of her Ni abilities, but at the same time, I'm very, very doubtful of it - the exact opposite of what is being said here. I am not willing to trust in my Ni, or have difficulty maintaining my trust in it. However, it is true that I believe people lacking Ni are "inferior". However, I don't think it sets me apart from ALL the other types. I have immense respect for all the types, with the exception of a few, notably ENFJs and ESFPs. ENFJs are overrated, like Charizard in Pokemon. There are very cool ENFJs, and I used to know of one (well I still do but like...he isn't exactly accessible due to geographic distance), but I also encountered pretentious ENFJs who are very poorly undeveloped and are actually worse than most Sensing types. ESFPs are just...disagreeable people because where the INFJ puts a lot of thought into things, ESFPs are more light-hearted and forgetful. Still, I have immense respect for ENTJs, ENTPs, INTJs, etc etc, even the Sensing types despite disagreements.
Without a doubt, the most frequent complaint about INFJs (or INTJs for that matter) is the way in which their unswerving devotion to their own visions and intuitions causes them to be closed off to alternative opinions or arguments. Ne refutation seem to bounce off undeterred INxJs like plastic BB pellets launched against a solid steel wall. To many types, particularly those with Ne, this reads as closed-minded and narrow-visioned. But Extroverted Perceiving (Ne/Se) is not INFJ's conscious forte; in fact, it's the weakest of their four primary functions (Se). And if the firm Ni/Fe convictions of the INFJ are going to be changed or overruled, it's typically though a sensory encounter a la their inferior Se. In other words, theoretical debates and counter-arguments (of the Ne variety) are unlikely to have much, if any, power to change the mind of an INFJ. For an INFJ, the proof is in the pudding - and they'll only change an intuitive conviction is experience demands it.
Seeing as how I stubbornly clung onto a situation for as long as I did, this is quite true. I have the inability to change my convictions once they have been made, until a life-changing experience or turn of events force me into changing. Yes, I let go because of a turn of events that I came to finally acknowledge and I fear, if that didn't happen, I'll still be clinging on relentlessly. I am doubtful of my Ni, as I have said, but the fact that I still consider it means that, in my eyes, it retains legitimacy. I rarely share these insights until they became clear to me, and in some way, that makes me seem closed off because I reject things for seemingly no reason. I also think I can be very close-minded about things that I have a fixed opinion on - even if I do try to listen to other's POV, I refuse to change. Not something I think I have to change, but I do need to continue keeping in mind.
Where INFJs can get particularly tripped up is in their attempt to control the Se world to meet their Ni visions. This method stands in direct opposition to the natural flow of their functional stack (i.e. letting Se world inform their Ni visions). INFJs operating in this mode can be particularly stubborn and perfectionistic about how a plan materialises. When things don't exactly unfold according to the Ni "vision", the INFJ can become unglued. This is particularly true in situations where others may be depending on them or loved-ones are involved.
...Oh shit...maybe I shouldn't have done that. I allowed what I see and hear in the external world affect my Ni vision for the particular situation. Oh well, what's done has been done. I did say I don't intend to turn back unless I'm asked to (which I'm sure I will not be because I understand how people work quite well), and I will stick to that intent. Perfectionism in things that matter to me, but not caring about other things - that's something I mentioned before. When it comes to things relating to the dream I see for the future, I become super perfectionistic, allowing no failure. None at all. One small failure means the whole thing has failed.
For those unfortunate souls attempting to console an INFJ dealing with such a letdown, there can be an equal sense of frustration. Once the INFJ's vision fails to come to fruition and she falls into the grip of her inferior function, acting logically goes out the window. Instead of being open to a modification of the plan, the INFJ hols on ever more tightly to the original vision, feeling as though this is the only way to correct the problem. The INFJ is caught in a paradox. To sacrifice the Ni vision would mean giving up the dominant function, the very centre of her "sense of self". She is, understandably, loathe to do that. But ultimately what the INFJ must realise is that this has been an illusion. What is touted as "a commitment to the Ni vision" is really a veiled commitment to the Se outcome. Of course, the line between Ni and Se is incredibly thin (where does an object end at and the concept behind it begin?), which accounts for the ease at which they (and other types) accidentally fall prey to such illusions.
I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND, SO STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME. ...Yes, I'm aware that this is happening, but I really had no choice. This entire letting go of the situation revolves around the vision for the future I got (Ni) from observing the external happenings (Se). So this entire passage is telling me that, no, what I see was not true? That this "this is for the best" is not actually an Ni vision but what I wrongly believed to be an Se outcome? Oh no. But then again, since I am pushing the situation towards that outcome using my actions, once it does bear fruit then the Ni vision naturally comes true. It's really difficult...for me to be aware at all times, whether my "visions" are actual predictions, or paranoia derived from external happenings.
As dominant Ni/Fe types, INFJs can be rather impervious to "facts" - particularly facts of an Si/Te nature. Interestingly, they actually seem to elude the INFJ more than they do the INFP thanks to the more "practical" tertiary/inferior combination of Si/Te of the INFP. INFJs typically pay little attention to previously established rules or laws, many of which can seem arbitrary and "non-intuitive" to the INFJ. Established "customs" of the Te variety are unlikely to be known in the first place - let alone be remembered! This obliviousness causes INFJs to feel like constant victims of the Si/Te procedural and bureaucratic oversights.
I strongly agree and I don't find any problem in this. Rules are made to ensure peace and stability, so if I break a rule while still maintaining the peace, then there is no reason for punishment. Unlike the INFP, INFJ's combination is Ti/Se, in which Ti is dictated by inner logic and rational. In other words, if something in the system does not appeal to my Ni/Fe, and at the same time, makes no sense to my Ti, then it's not necessary to be remembered. Maybe why I'm such a disobedient student - seriously, screw your rules...it's really unnecessary...not that one though, that one keeps the peace.
INFJs make conclusive decisions based on intuitive analyses (Ni) provided by current information absorbed in sensing the environment a la Se (and in particular, social-psychological information thanks to Fe). And while they may be adept at doing what's "socially customary" thanks to Fe, they have a much harder time navigating when it comes to doing what is "bureaucratically customary". As such, they have reduced patience for STJ types, often feeling that their Si/Te methods are more of an impediment to progress than an actual aid. They be rail against STJs being short-sighted, arbitrary, bureaucratic, obsessed with useless facts and trivial details, overly finicky about meaningless issues and unable to see the big picture. The simple fact is INFJs cannot value Si/Te things as a good investment of their time and energy and they begrudge occasions where they're forced to "waste time" following protocol. This makes INFJs particularly inefficient and ill-suited for certain administrative work, particularly where following protocol is of utmost importance. Any INFJ expected to do this kind of work for an extended period of time is likely to become restless, agitated and resentful. Unfortunately, folks expecting reliability and consistency from an INFJ worker will usually be woefully disappointed when they discover the INFJ cannot be trusted with "seemingly easy and straightforward tasks". Employers may grow frustrated with an INFJ administrative assistant who sets up a document index a different way every time she does it.
What. What's wrong with that! As long as it makes sense in organisation and can be understood, does it matter if it's different? Seriously. Also, I would love to point out how "socially customs" are derived from Fe, and the person I know around me who is the worst at understanding these customs is an Fe-dominant. Huh, so I'm actually more developed in my Fe-aux than that Fe-dom...and his Ni-aux sucks too. Also, like I said, I don't think this is a problem. I just need to keep in mind that sometimes, it is absolutely necessary to follow bureaucratic procedures...because it will complicate the lives of others if I don't. Also, don't get into a job that requires such administrative work *cough cough* law internship *cough cough*, because I'll find myself dead before I'm done.
One of the most unflattering traits, typically plaguing less individuated INFJs, is their propensity to be extreme in their expectations of others and severe in their judgements of those who fall short of those expectations. From a young age, the INFJ innately senses the difference between behaviour that is authentically motivated (i.e. spiritually and psychological healthy) and behaviour that is inauthentic or ego driven (i.e. spiritually and psychologically destructive). Respect out of duty isn't freely given by INFJs who (to the chagrin of their elders) tend to see adults and children through the same lens and then judge them by this universal qualification: authenticity. If respect has been earned and the INFJ intuits an individual to be primarily authentic (or at least trying to live more authentically), it can be a huge letdown for INFJs when that individual shows him or herself to be a "sinner" or imperfect. Truly, the INFJs doesn't feel she is being unreasonable, since these are the same (perhaps even less stringent) expectations she places upon herself. Often, it isn't until the INFJ's tertiary Ti comes into play that she begins to rationally understand typological differences and thereby exercises greater patience and grace for some types' need to learn (what in view amounts to) "the hard way".
Indeed, it takes an INFJ to know an INFJ - brilliant way to put it. The situation with my dad: I think forgiveness should come naturally. You don't have to forget, because you do need to learn from the situation, but you have to try and forgive. All situations in this world cannot just involve two people - your lack of forgiveness hurts more than the one you are trying to hurt...and in the first place, you should not try to hurt anyone. It takes a while for my Ti to kick in for me to understand that my view on forgiveness is not shared by my father, so I've taken it upon myself to teach him to forgive (though I'm failing very hard at it). But authenticity... I've once said that one must have the courage to become active in changing the world if they can see what is wrong with it. I don't hate people who chose to be selfish, because it is an active and conscious choice. What I hate the most, more than anything in the world, are people who can see what is wrong with the world but refuses to change anything - because they think someone else can do it. Why not let someone else live your life then? If you are born with such selflessness, then why the hell do you sit there and shake your legs, licking the boots of those selfish people? It's bizarre to me, as an INFJ, that a person acts in opposition to the calling of their "spirit".
INFJs must be careful not to let their psychological wisdom generate an air of moral superiority. Doing so can and does alienate them from those who might seek out their guidance and help. Shooting themselves in the foot in this way restricts INFJs from making an actual difference in the world since Fe social connection is the channel through which their intuitions are converted to outward change (Se).
I know and that is why, even with the way I think, I rarely try to make myself seem superior to others. If I undermine a certain person, that means I already deem them to be useless and not worthy of being brought along to my idea of salvation. I generally think that the entire world, even the very selfish people, can be changed through soft persuasion. It is this belief that keeps me close to those I treasure and care about and open to those who choose to approach me. After all, it's not their fault or mine that we are not that close, it's just circumstances. Alienation is something I do once in a blue moon, to those I deem to be unsalvageable. ...It's rare, very rare, but it just happened recently so, maybe I'll try to reduce it even more in the future. But unsalvageable people are so rare too and I belief almost everyone in the world, except maybe one or two, can become much greater people, or are already amazing people. Trash? They'll remain trash in the form of humans and let's see how long they can continue to blend in.
Moral superiority. I know that's what I sound like right now, but I know what kind of audience I have anyway, so it's not dangerous for me to be so blunt. It may sound like I think I'm superior, but really, I don't think I am. There are much better people than me around me, those who are hardworking, those who are sincere and caring, etc etc. But really, I've met quite a piece of trash recently, so it's really hard for me to think that ALL people are better than me, which is what I used to think. I'm more than contented to let people overtake me in maturity and stuff like that, in fact, I do hope everyone overtakes me at some point. But you know, trash will always stay behind. An INFJ's true anger is nothing to mess with after all.
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