The first reason was and is still quite an obvious one. I intend to do Psychology as a University course, but I'm uninterested in experimentation or research. In fact, I find those branches to be extremely inhumane. Necessary, but inhumane all the same. Tumblr has often listed Psychology to be the subject that INFJs specialise in, and it's not difficult to understand why. INFJs are the MBTI type whose inclination towards left-brain function and right-brain function is the most balanced. That is why you can find INFJs in many different fields. Perhaps that is also why I can never find my niche subject. My best subject is just whatever I'm most interested in.
Psychology is, at its most basic, a science, but a social science. It's a beautiful combination of the Humanities and the Sciences. It is concerned with human interaction, human development, and anything human - as the word Humanities suggests. Yet at the same time, research in Psychology is like research in any other scientific fields, requiring cold hard numbers and empirical evidence. I belong to the INFJ group that is still more concerned with humans, and the idea of cutting someone's brain open seems like a very inhumane way to do things, albeit yielding more accurate results.
Anyway, my interest lies in Psychology fields such as Counselling Psychology, Clinical Psychology, Developmental Psychology, School Psychology and Rehabilitation Psychology. These are fields that require people to, not just have the ability to understand and sympathise, but have the strength to pull people through difficult times. My thinking, then, is quite straightforward. If I'm not strong enough to pull myself through, then how can I expect myself to be strong enough to help others?
I've said before that my depression makes the world lack colour. What a weak way to think, isn't it? If the colour of the world has faded, then all I have to do is to paint it back. Why bother to chase the past if it's not coming back. If the world doesn't want to become colourful again on its own, then I'll do it myself.
The second reason is one I've just recently become aware of. I am being very hypocritical. One of the greatest source of my depression is loneliness and it is no one's fault but mine that I am lonely. I sneer and mock the people-pleasing ENFJs, but overlook that if I don't intend to go around licking people's boots all day - rotting away my own personality and pleasing no one in the long run - then loneliness is what I need to find strength in.
The INFJ foresight, Ni, is what brings me my loneliness, after all. It is not the existence of it, but rather what I choose to do with it. Because I can see effects in the long run, and that is why I don't kiss the floor where everyone walks just for the sake of being liked. Sure, they'll be happy in the moment, but there is more to life than just being popular and well-liked. There is a certain strength and courage that lies in being able to choose loneliness. I'm very sure that if I intended to be popular, I can be, but it's against what in Chinese we call 做人原则, i.e. my personal convictions and what makes me a person.
I think that is why I detest most Extroverts with poorly developed self-awareness. I know friendship isn't just about benefitting, but it is absolutely selfish to assume that someone befriends you just because. Who do you think you are? For me, it's always necessary to keep in mind what you can do for the other person. If you cannot bring them happiness, then stop wasting their time and effort. People have much better things to deal with than you, if you cannot bring them any good.
With such beliefs, it is natural that I am a lonely person. An extremely stubborn INFJ is a horrible fate, I think, because it means that I can never like an Extrovert sincerely. There is always something off with a straight-up Extrovert because they are at the level of emotional maturity that, to me, resembles a 5-year old. "I'll do things to make people happy so they'll like me!" I think it's, in fact, worse than a 5-year old because at least the kid can admit the "so they'll like me" part. Most Extroverts (I'm targeting a very specific type) cannot even admit that part. They go like "I'm doing things to make people happy because it's good for them." Bullshit. You are just afraid of being alone.
If loneliness is something I brought upon myself, then I shouldn't be wallowing in depression. So I pulled myself out of it. For a moment there, I almost caught the ENFJ illness of wanting to be liked so much that I was going to abandon the greater goal. Never. The way out of depression for me was to accept that loneliness is the price I have chosen to pay on my path in life. I have no right to drag people along the route with me or expect them to come with me. I do have faith that in the future, I will meet someone who shares the same path, with the same understanding of loneliness.
It's rather sad to think about it. Loneliness is natural, but what makes a person a truly mature individual, in my opinion, is to choose loneliness. To be able to do things with the end in mind - "Eyes on the prize." What is sad? It's that with this lesson I've learnt, the self-awareness I've reached, I took yet another leap ahead of everyone. I've once again pulled myself ahead of everyone else. I really wish that one day, I can meet someone at my level, who I don't have to pretend to be childish with. I've never been truly myself with anyone. Even when I do serious talks, I still restrain myself and try to match their level of emotional maturity. It's sad that even people who wanted to talk seriously with me...I can very clearly feel their lack of understanding creating a huge barrier that I won't try to break.
So why am I not so depressed lately? Well, I've come to accept that it is still too early for anyone to understand me. Perhaps with graduation, meeting people older than me, I can find people with life experiences to match mine. Every year for me brings a life-changing experience and I am very aware of how everyone else only gets such experiences once in many years. No. It's not that they get less experiences...it's just that the natural INFJ trait of overthinking has made me better able to process these experiences. Retaining was a bad idea, in this sense, because while age does not necessary equate to emotional maturity, I am very aware that the people I'm surrounded by...they can't match it. It's like I'm on Pluto and they are still on Earth. Even when I tried to confide, I could feel it. Nothing was getting through...at last a little bit got through those I knew from the batch above mine.
Why did I cling on so tightly, unwilling to let go of this crush? I even went to the extent to convince myself it's not just a mere crush. I know now. Crushes are childish things and childish things are very attractive to me, because it highlights to me a method of lowering my maturity so that I can better relate to those around me. I clung on because I was afraid of my self-inflicted loneliness, but I made myself weak. When I turned away and decided to let go, I found back the strength that comes with loneliness and I laugh, quite fondly, at the childish act I was putting on for myself. How funny, that even with that childish act...I was still told that I'm mature. Amazing.
It isn't even just the outward act, even down to the emotions of loving and caring, they were a pretence. Come on, I am an INFJ. I am very aware, at all times, that one cannot devote entirely to a single person and ignore everything else. It was quite fun while it lasted actually, and I did put myself through a few emotional experiences that taught me quite a few things too. I've already drawn the curtains on this act, which was really quite a forced one and I did get drawn in a little too deep. I wonder when's the next show? Since I'm graduating soon, maybe I don't have to put on a show anymore. Who knows?
But enough ranting, time for MBTI.
1. MBTI When They are Angry and What They Should Do (E/I Comparison)
The xSTJs
ISTJ
What they do: Oscillates between ignoring the person they're angry with and directing subtle yet cruel/belittling comments their way.
What they ought to do instead: Ask the person they're upset with to explain their point of view - and then share their own in a non-confrontational manner.
ESTJ
What they do: Impatiently barks orders at others and shames them for their way of doing things.
What they out to do instead: Consider how their reaction to a stressful situation may impact their relationship with those around them and come up with a more effective measure of communicating when under stress.
The xSFJs
ISFJ
What they do: Hold their anger in, convincing themselves that they can just get over it, but then lets it out subtly, in passive-aggressive bouts.
What they ought to do instead: Communicate their hurt to the opposite party and brainstorm ways to avoid repeating it in the future.
ESFJ
What they do: Forgives the indiscretion in the moment but then never, ever forgets about it.
What they out to do instead: Learn to process feelings of hurt and betrayal as they occur, in order to let them go and move on from past hurts.
The xSTPs
ISTP
What they do: Ignores the actual person they're mad at and engages in a sensory experience that takes their mind off the issue (i.e. drinking, fighting, exercising).
What they ought to do instead: Find a healthy physical outlet for their anger (i.e. exercise) and then find a solution to the problem that initially angered them.
ESTP
What they do: Feels an intense physical reaction and lets it out by confronting others and/or punching/smashing an inanimate object.
What they ought to do: Find a constructive release for their physical energy (i.e. exercising or meditating) so that they can take a step back from their anger and focus on the problem itself.
The xSFPs
ISFP
What they do: Holds in their anger and avoids the person they're mad at, possibly for the rest of their lives.
What they ought to do instead: Explain to the opposing party why their feelings were hurt and then ask to hear their side of the situation.
ESFP
What they do: Yells, cries and makes a scene - and then de-escalates quickly and apologises.
What they ought to do instead: Take a moment to consider how they ought to best communicate their point of view - and then calmly let the opposing party know that their feelings have been hurt.
The xNTJs
INTJ
What they do: Decides the person they're mad at is incompetent and ices them out.
What they ought to do instead: Let the other person know that they've upset them but that they'd like to hear their side of the situation and to determine a solution to the conflict.
ENTJ
What they do: Turns cold and calculating, then takes down the opposing party's argument with a single well-timed phrase or action that gets the ENTJ their way.
What they ought to do: Withdraw to process their feelings on the conflict rather than immediately strategising a way to "win" it.
The xNFJs
INFJ
What they do: If slight angered, retreats and ices out the opposing party (similar to INTJ). If deeply angered (this is rare), will use every one of the other person's weaknesses against them until they have completely psychologically undermined them.
What they ought to do instead: Communicate openly with the person they are angry with in order to find a solution, rather than letting it reach a breaking point.
ENFJ
What they do: If slightly angered, retreats to analyse the situation. If greatly angered, attacks the opposing party with cruel personal truths about him or her.
What they ought to do instead: Recognise the subjective nature of their anger and keep an open mind to the opposite party's point of view while discussing the issue.
The xNTPs
INTP
What they do: Ignores their anger for years at a time until they eventually snap unexpectedly and spew snarky insults about the opposing party's intelligence.
What they out to do instead: Take note of when and why they're feeling angry, rather than pushing it down, in order to avoid outbursts.
ENTP
What they do: Attacks the other person's deepest weaknesses and insecurities, either through a series of subtle insults or all at once in a fit of blind rage.
What they ought to do instead: Consider what role they played in the situation and then explain their point of view to the opposing party and ask for theirs.
The xNFPs
INFP
What they do: Retreats to analyse the situation and determine whether or not they are overreacting. May give the silent treatment to the person they are upset with in the meantime.
What they ought to do instead: Before retreating, tell the person they are upset with that their feelings have been hurt and that they require some alone time to process the situation.
ENFP
What they do: Attempts to look at things from the other person's point of view and if it's not what the ENFP would do, shames the other person for their way of handling the situation.
What they ought to do instead: Ask the other person to explain their side of the situation and try to understand the intent behind their actions.
2. MBTI as Alcohol
1. ISFP - French 75
What's a French 75? Exactly. The ISFP is always one step ahead of the crowd when it comes to what's cool and unconventional. They add an artistic twist to everything they do in life - just like the French 75 adds a twist to your tried-and-true Mimosa.
2. ESFP - Mimosa
3. INFP - Cabernet Sauvignon
4. ENFP - Sangria
Wine? Brandy? Fruit? Why not have it all? If there's anything the ENFP loves, it's variety and this festive beverage lets you try a little bit of everything. You're colourful, lively and, okay, a wee bit indecisive - making this the perfect drink for you.
5. ISTP - Lager
6. ESTP - Jagerbombs
7. ISFJ - Hot Toddy
8. ESFJ - Cosmopolitan
You're sleek and sophisticated - and you see no reason to change your drink order when you know what you like. Just like this flirtatious beverage, your charm is difficult to resist. And you know that you're always best dressed with a cocktail in hand.
9. INTP - Long Island Iced Tea
The drink may look simple to the untrained eye - but take one sip and you'll realise how complex and intense it truly is. This drink has a little bit of everything mixed into it - just like the insatiable mind of the INTP!
10. ENTP - Absinthe
You aren't afraid to push the limits in any capacity. Like this daredevil of a drink, you want to see just how far you can take almost everything. You aren't afraid of crossing that "point of no return" - which makes absinthe the perfect drink for you.
11. INFJ - Sauvignon Blanc
Elegant, cool and composed, there is no drink that emulates the spirit of an INFJ quite like a fine white wine. This deeply analytical type values quality over quantity - and a simple glass of wine is the ideal accompaniment to a night of good conversation with a close friend or loved one.
12. ENFJ - Champagne
You're bubbly, classy and always there to celebrate life's biggest moments with loved ones. Just like this celebratory drink, there's always something to be happy about when you're around.
13. ISTJ - Old-Fashioned
You like the tried and true method of doing everything - including ordering drinks. Just like this traditional beverage that boasts its reliability by definition, you provide consistency and quality to the people around you. And that never goes out of style.
14. ESTJ - Martini
You're crisp, collected and classic - just like this timeless drink. You know what you like and you don't see any reason to overcomplicate it. You get right to the point of things, just like this no-nonsense cocktail.
15. INTJ - 50-Year-Old Scotch
You value quality well above quantity and you don't mind holding out for what you want - making this aged beverage the perfect drink of choice. INTJs build their repertoire of knowledge through many years of analysing, reconfiguring and reconsidering what they know. Just like this 50 year old whisky drink, INTJs take time to reach their full potential - but they do so with the utmost quality and class.
16. ENTJ - Tom Collins
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